kahlcara
Master August 2013

How many people can I invite when we can't have more than 150 at the venue?

kahlcara, on June 23, 2013 at 8:04 AM Posted in Planning 0 32
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We need to have a talk with FH's parents today about their number of guests. The reception venue has a limit of 152 (counting FH and I) and currently we have around 180 on the list. FH and I would prefer the actual guests number around 100. We are getting married on a Sunday night and it's OOT for many people, plus we never sent STDs so I'm hoping that will cut down on guests a little bit. also FH and I are not inviting any of our coworkers, etc. only close friends and no distant family beyond first cousins/aunts/uncles. my parents have added maybe 10 people who are all close family friends.. FH's parents gave us a list of about 38 people, including everyone in his dad's office, after we told them they could invite around 15-20 total..FMIL insists some of them are just courtesy invites and there's no way they'll show but I DO NOT want to deal with disinviting people. HELP. how many can we invite?

32 Comments

  • Jen
    Master March 2014
    Jen ·

    I'd say keep the invite list at 150, and so some serious cutting. If you want it closer to 100, then play with those numbers. Who are the 100 people you MUST have there? Then work from there in order of importance.

  • Mrs
    Expert August 2013
    Mrs ·

    Make a 150 quest A list and a B list. Once you start getting declines then you can invite people from the B list.

  • Tatiana
    VIP September 2013
    Tatiana ·

    I would have a serious talk about how you only want people who have been important in your and fh relationship, and you don't feel comfortable inviting his co-workers you never met. Maybe offer to send them a card and

    picture after the wedding to make them feel included. I refuse to do courtesy invites, because I'm convinced they would all show up.

  • vicky
    VIP May 2014
    vicky ·

    I really think you should keep the list at 150 & tell FHs parents that you have heard too many stories of girls getting 100% RSVP yes & can't rely on them probably declining. If they insist on inviting anyway, and you agree to it, then compromise with them & say you'll B list the coworkers but thru shouldn't mention the wedding or invites to those people just incase your family all RSVPs yes & you hit your max.

  • TooManyMistys
    Master June 2014
    TooManyMistys ·

    I would just tell her they can't be invited because you can't risk everyone actually showing.

  • Chrissy
    Expert June 2014
    Chrissy ·

    I've heard of couples whose parents want to invite too many people making an agreement to pay for the extras. So if you want to please them by inviting them, they can be invited, but FH's parents have to pay for their plates if they come. Might be an option.

    Question on A list and B list. How do you keep B list guests from feeling like they're not as important as others, since their invites come later?

  • Celia Milton
    November 2019
    Celia Milton ·

    Let me tell you something. Everyone in your dad's office does NOT want to come to your wedding. Not on a summer weekend. This is good news. He does not need to invite them.

    Don't do courtesy invites. I've done enough weddings stuffed with distant friends, distant relatives and work colleagues to know that it's not worth raising your count to include these people. They are the ones standing in the parking lot texting instead of interacting with other people at the wedding. They simply don't care that much.

  • Celia Milton
    November 2019
    Celia Milton ·

    Let me tell you something. Everyone in your dad's office does NOT want to come to your wedding. Not on a summer weekend. This is good news. He does not need to invite them.

    Don't do courtesy invites. I've done enough weddings stuffed with distant friends, distant relatives and work colleagues to know that it's not worth raising your count to include these people. They are the ones standing in the parking lot texting instead of interacting with other people at the wedding. They simply don't care that much.

  • KrystalH
    VIP September 2012
    KrystalH ·

    If you don't have to space then courtesy invites are def out the window (even if you did have the space I would still forego them) Weddings aren't something you invite everyone and their mother to.

    Don't invite over the amount the space will hold with hopes that people will say no, that will just get you in a bind when 160 people RSVP yes

  • Now mrs. K
    VIP June 2013
    Now mrs. K ·

    Instead of sending invites to the people in fh parents office, send announcements after the fact. Depending on what position dad holds and what office dynamics are they may feel like they should go, then you are up a creek. The only coworkers of parents we invited were my moms old boss I'm is retired) who is a close family friend, and a Foreman, manager, and a dispatcher at fh's mom's company. His mom is the owner. The manager is his step dad, the foreman is his step brother (and an usher) and the dispatcher is his uncle. The secretaries and employees have all met me (I usually meet his mom at the office when we go do stuff) but they understand that they are not invited because it will be a small event, mostly family. And I think most of them are grateful because they would feel obligated to go.

  • Ab
    Master October 2011
    Ab ·

    150.

    Granted it's not likely that everyone will come but it IS possible that more than 150 could show up..Also if a room is full to capacity changes are it will be hard getting around and the tables will be uncomfortably full. I think that's nice of you to let in-laws invite 15 to 20..38 is just taking advantage especially if you are the ones paying..you just explain due to space restrictions we can only invite a certain number.

    If you guys are the ones footing the bill then you need to try to chop it to 100 (the number you guys wanted initially). Looking back while it was nice to have my dad invite some old coworkers I kinda wished DH and I had saved money on not inviting people we didn't need to have there/we didn't know.

    We had about 99 and it was still kind of hard to get around to mingle with everyone.

  • Trena
    Master July 2013
    Trena ·

    It's the courtesy invites for us that are saying yes. Don't do them!! Tell his parents that I they'd say no anyway, then they don't need an invite in the first place.

    Invite 150. Any beyond that need to be on a B list, or not invited at all. We're not doin a B list, because we want as few people as possible, so aren't replacing the nos. sounds like you want that too, so you need to do some major cutting.

  • kahlcara
    Master August 2013
    kahlcara ·

    Thanks guys.

    it's not a financial issue per se, it's a space one, so FH parents paying for the additional wouldn't solve the problem. my parents are paying for the wedding, Fh's have offered to pay half, but the venue has a # limit.

    some of the "courtesy invites" are older family members who are too sick/incapacitated to come, and they want them to feel included, which I kind of understand, but it's the number of people FMIL is insisting won't come that I don't believe.. just bc some of the cousins live in Canada doesn't mean they won't come down for the weekend...

    FH's dad is a doctor in private practice, so coworkers are like, his secretary, nurses, billing people, etc. they might feel obligated to come and FH and I don't know any of them!

    I'm not objecting to the family friend who's helped FH find an internship in his field in the past, or the neighbors who he grew up with (and whom I've met, because they're close with his family). cont.

  • kahlcara
    Master August 2013
    kahlcara ·

    Their list doesn't include family either, we already counted all the aunts, uncles and cousins when we did our count.

    FMIL previously told us to invite a lot of people because that way we'd get more gifts, but neither of us is onboard with that plan, we want the meaningful people there, and we don't want tons of people.. FH initially wanted no more than 75. I wonder if that's what she's trying to achieve with this list.

    also, I hate the idea of a B-list in general and RSVPs are going to my parents because my mom doesn't understand logic, only tradition, but I'm the one dealing with the caterer etc. so I won't know who's coming or not AT ALL until we go up there and get the RSVPS at the end of July.

  • Alycia
    Expert October 2013
    Alycia ·

    B-lists are terribly rude. You also need to include your vendors in some cases. I'd probably try to keep the list around 135 to be on the safe side. 140-145 max. You dot want to end up with more guests than your venue can handle

  • Bee
    VIP January 2013
    Bee ·

    WOA WOA wait a minute. Most of the time the reason you get a limit like that for a room is for fire codes. It is a geniune safety hazard to have more than the maximum allowed, you can get fined many hundreds of dollars and your venue can be sued if you are over your max and something should happen. Its no joke. :-(

  • Private User
    VIP July 2013
    Private User ·

    We totally got some yeses from "people that will never show!"

  • Veronique
    Dedicated June 2013
    Veronique ·

    We started off with 184 and juuuust ended up with 150 on the nose!! You should be all set!

  • kahlcara
    Master August 2013
    kahlcara ·

    Bee, I know, we have no intention of having that many people. we had a talk with his parents today & after lots of yelling, it turns out that several of their guests they know are not coming because they have vacations scheduled, are out of town that day, etc. before FMIL just kept telling me "we know what's going on with these people". now we're inviting a total of 156, which I'm much more ok with. I talked to my mom though and they all had dinner together last night, apparently FILs are planning to invite a ton of people to the rehearsal too!! FH and I are pretty low-key, we DON"t want to be entertaining over 100 people 2 nights in a row, especially when one is the night before our wedding! my mom also wants a list of wedding guests (which is an issue because she doesn't know we're inviting my half-sister) and tried to invite herself here next weekend to help with invites. she thinks it would be more fun if I was closer to them. I can't imagine living closer to my parents and FILs.

  • kahlcara
    Master August 2013
    kahlcara ·

    They're all driving me crazy from 300 miles away.

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