D
Just Said Yes February 2020

How many guests is too many?

Dusty , on July 5, 2018 at 7:48 PM Posted in Planning 0 9
Saved Save
Reply
My FW and I are planning our wedding and looking at who we want to invite. Her family is pretty small and she doesn’t have too many family friends or friends to invite while I am a child of divorce with two families to invite, a handful of friends and then I know my mother wants to invite all of our family friends. How many is too many? I wrote out how many people I could think of that I’d either have to invite or want to invite. I stopped right around 100. My FW’s list is like 35 people long. We’ve also agreed to limit our wedding party size to two people each. We each have our two people picked out but my mom expects my FW to have my little sister be a bridesmaid but I have 3 other sisters so she would have to have all three be bridesmaids. My brother made me a groomsmen at his wedding so she expects me to do the same. What do I do there? And also do you send invitations to everyone you send “save the date” cards to?

9 Comments

  • Kelly
    Master October 2018
    Kelly ·
    It’s however many guests you can afford to host properly. For some people that’s 25 people and for others that is 300. I would figure out a budget before you start making a guest list. And yes everyone that receives a save the date must receive an invitation.
  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·

    First you establish your budget. Then you work on a guest list, starting with a bare bones "people who must be there" list. Only then do you do a secondary list "people we would like to invite if we can afford it and our venue has capacity". Then you find a venue that can accommodate the first list within your budget. If you can find a venue that will accommodate your second list within your budget ( and remember that includes all costs: STD's invitations, linens, chairs, tables, decor, food and drink, etc). then you will know the number of people you can invite.

    There is no rule or guideline as to how that number can be portioned amongs the families and friends.

    Everyone who receives an STD must be sent an invitation. Why else would you ask them to save the date?

  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn ·

    As PP have said, this is largely based on your budget. If we invited everyone we wanted to invite, we would be well over 200 guests, but we can only afford to properly host about 125.

    As for the BP, tell your mother that you already have your attendants chosen. You get to pick the people that you are closest with to stand next to you on your big day. Your FW shouldn't choose your sisters just because they are your sisters and you shouldn't pick your brother just because you were in his wedding.

    Yes, you do need to invite everyone that you send a save the date to. Why would you have them save the date if you don't intend to invite them to the wedding?

  • Gen
    Rockstar June 2019
    Gen ·
    However many guests you can afford/want. Doesn’t matter if you have many more than her... I have a big family and a huge number of family friends, and FH has a small family and doesn’t really have many family friends so about 75% of the guest list is mine and 25% is his but the proportions don’t matter as long as you both get to invite everyone you want.

    I would figure out a different way to include your siblings rather than putting them in the bridal party if you don’t want. How old is your little sister? Too old to be a flower girl? Or a junior bridesmaid maybe? Or you could just say since you have so many siblings you’re just not putting any of them in the wedding party, but make sure to do something else special with them (maybe let your brother make a toast?)

    As for the save the dates, yes you have to invite everyone you send a save the date to. What would be the point of telling someone to save the date for an event they’re not invited to?
  • Kiwibride
    Super November 2018
    Kiwibride ·
    How many people is too many is totally dependent on your budget and personal preferences. Try not to worry about the guest proportions. FH is inviting more people than I am, but we've cut off our guest lists at the same circle of guests so it's fair even if the numbers aren't the same (e.g. stop after aunts/uncles but before cousin's).

    You don't have to ask people to be in your wedding just because you were in theirs. If anyone asks, just tell them you're keeping it small.

    Yes you send invitations to everyone you send a STD to. That's the point of the STD, to let them know to block out that date so that they can attend your wedding. You don't have to send STDs to everyone who gets an invitation though.
  • Sarah Katreen
    Dedicated August 2018
    Sarah Katreen ·
    Set boundaries with your mother now and stick to them. No is a complete sentence and it sounds like you're going to need it. This is you FW and your wedding. Not hers and nobody else's. You and your FW make all the decisions.
  • DC Wife 10.27.18
    Master October 2018
    DC Wife 10.27.18 ·
    I agree with PPs. Also, you aren’t obligated to invite anyone or ask anyone to be in your wedding party. That’s your decision. Put your foot down now before things get out of hand. This is your wedding. Not your mom’s. Anyone who is not paying doesn’t get a say at all.
  • FutureMrsD
    Rockstar July 2019
    FutureMrsD ·

    We are inviting 220 people to our wedding. I've been to weddings with 75 guests total, and ones with over 300. It really just depends on the wedding you want, and your venue & budget. I like both big & small weddings for different reasons. Why do you only want 2 people each in your wedding party? I'd ask whoever you want to ask, and not set a number just to set a number. My fiance is having 10 groomsmen, and I'm having 9 bridesmaids. We have big families and lots of friends.

  • Neffe
    Master July 2020
    Neffe ·

    Hi Dusty! Welcome to the WeddingWire Community! First, determine how many guests you can afford to host, then determine if your venue has the capacity to hold them! Also, yes, you should send invites to anyone you encouraged to the save the date, as the STD implies an invite will follow!!

Comment on this discussion

×