How does a B list work...

I was told by a friend who was having a small intimate wedding that FH and I were in the "B list". We got super offended and thought she was so fucking rude! If you have a B list please keep it to yourself because its rude.

We have a b-list, but its all people who would not expect to be invited anyway, work friends, university colleages, my parents friends, etc. My FH has a huge family, and we have no idea how many of them are going to come, and we have a capacity of 100 people. Once we know if they aren't coming, then we'll open it up, and I think people understand that. Obviously we haven't told anyone that they are on the B-list, but we may send out the invites to FH huge family a bit early, and then once we know how many are coming, send out the rest of our invites. None of the people on that list would be invited to any-pre-wedding parties.

Note how I said I am most likely NOT doing it... I just heard of it like yesterday. Seems like it would be more of a headache then anything else. I was just wondering how it even worked and if anyone else was doing it.

It doesn't work, and you certainly shouldn't invite then to pre-wedding parties.

You would never invite people to a shower who you aren't certain will be invited to the wedding. If they are invited to the shower, they must be invited to the wedding as well. And I agree with Erin.

Don't b list.

The premise for a wedding (it doesn't apply to showers as far as I know) is that you wait for declines in your RSVP before sending out last minute invites to your less important friends and family. It is more complicated than it's worth (and also gets quite touchy with people's feelings).

I have a B-list. B-list consists mostly of guys and their wives/so, so they wouldn't come to the shower, anyways. I don't think a B-list is rude, but I can understand how someone could feel hurt if they knew they weren't at the top of the list. For that reason, it is better to not let anyone know they are on the B-list. The way I see it, you are being invited to party, eat and drink for free. So what if you didn't make the first cut? What matters is you made it. If it offends someone if/when the find out they are on the B-List, they don't have to come.

Thanks for the input everyone! I wont be doing one. I am lucky that I dont have a limit on how many people can fit at my venue, just dont want a HUGE wedding. I think once I get the list from my FMIL and FFIL, me and FH will just go through and edit them if they are too long. I dont want a 500 person guest list!

The way I see it, you are being invited to party, eat and drink for free. So what if you didn't make the first cut? What matters is you made it.

Or, that they realize they aren't important enough to you to be invited the first time...What matters is that you made it? Also a hugely selfish thing to say.

LOL. I seriously don't care if you find it selfish. When it comes to my money, how I spend it and who I spend it on, I have every right to be a little selfish.

If you invite someone to the shower, it's automatic that they need to be on the guest list for the wedding too. You're just being a tease otherwise. "Oh come shower me with love (and/or gifts) but you're not invited to my wedding"

I don't think B lists are rude, as long as it's done tactfully. Don't tell someone they are on the b-list, don't invite them at the very last second, give them their invitation with enough notice and time to RSVP. Generally speaking, you're not b-listing close friends and family, you're b-listing co-workers, friendly acquaintances, etc, who should understand that they weren't at the top of the list. If you're tactful enough about their invitation, they may not even realize they were b-listed. I doubt they're gonna compare notes with other guests about when they got their invitation. And even if it does come up, so what? I wouldn't get offended if my invite came three weeks later than others- unless it was my brother, or something.

That said, I'm not doing a B-list, just because it's too much hassle. We've invited everyone that is special and important to us, and if they can't make it then we get to have a smaller wedding (yay!). Yes, there's a few more people we could have invited- mostly old school friends and such, people we haven't seen in a while, but if they weren't important enough to invite 'first round', then I really don't see the need to invite them 'second round'. But I understand that different people are in different situations, and a B-list may work for them.

KTizzle thats what I didn't understand about it. Cause I COMPLETELY AGREE..... we had some family members that had a big fancy wedding at the Biltmore and then came back and had "receptions"... 2 different ones and they were practically showers that were called "receptions" and I thought it was the silliest thing ever. When I read the "Tacky" thread last night thats when I was like "what the heck is this B list thing and how do you even navigate it?" And NOW I realize that it is way too much work and could be a sticky situation.

Who laughs at terrible manners?

We have a B list, and like Valarie, it has nothing to do with being less important to us.

We have a limited amount of people we can invite to our venue (and dont have a huge budget).

I have a HUGE family (like my moms siblings their spouses & kids is 50 people) & my family is super close so that is already almost half of our guests, add FHs family and we have very little room for friends or any second/distant family members. So those people are on our Blist and as soon as we get declines they will get bumped up in order they are listed.

The thing is like pp said, you have to be tactful & tasteful, I would NEVER tell someone they are on the Blist and I wouldn't invite them to any pre-wedding events. I would also make sure to send them invites with enough time for them to RSVP.

Oh, fun! Cat memes! I've sure been put in my place by the internet, now! What else do you have?

I have a B list. Everyone has their own opinion. Some think it's rude, some don't. I have a really big family. My dad has 10 other brother/sisters and my mom has 5 siblings and FH also have a big family. So obviously our immediate family and close friends will be on the A list. If there are people who cannot attend from the A list, we will then invite someone from the B list. I'm only inviting people who are on the A list to the bridal shower. I would think it would be rude to invite someone from the B list to the shower but they end up not being invited to the wedding. Those that are on the B list don't know which list they are on and I would never share that info with them.

I think we can all agree on a couple things.

1. Keep your list organization to yourself, best not to let friends in on it.

2. Invite ONLY people to shower etc that will get an invite to wedding.

If you think it's rude to keep guest list organized and have a system.. That's totally on you. I can see the pros of it for those with huge families/close friends and /want/ everyone to attend, but cannot realistically afford it. So if you have Uncle Joe and Kay drop out, you can instead invite two friends that would not initially be able to go. (With plenty of heads up, of course)