How do you tell someone they not in the wedding party

Maybe you can have her do something else.. like guest book, personal attendant, cake server etc. that way you dont feel bad and she doesnt get her feelings hurt

I agree with Andrea, if you can find another title to give her, maybe she can help coordinate things the day of the wedding. Also I'd tell her that I'm trying to keep the wedding party to a minimum

You don't. That would be really mean. You don't say anything and she will get the hint when they aren't involved in anything. You don't owe them an explanation and if they ask (which would be rude) you simply say that you have already decided on your wedding party.

Ohhh also... your wedding is not for a couple years. You should not be choosing a wedding party for 6-8 months before. Friends and relationships change. Even if you say they don't, they will.

I think letting her go on thinking she is a bridesmaid is even crueler! She needs to know upfront what's going on soon, before she goes telling people she's a bridesmaid and shows up at dress-shopping. Giving her another duty is a very nice gesture, and she will understand what's going on then.

Why did she assume if she wasn't asked? I would combine Andrea's and Christina's advice, ask her to do another job (one that she doesn't have to spend a ton of time doing, I've seen greeters work really well) and stop talking about the wedding to her.

@ Christina I am slowly planning my wedding because it might be the end of next year instead of 2013 it all depends on his job I am not telling anyone who will be in the wedding as of yet I am still deciding on some of them.

I had the same thing happen, but she was one of my FH highschool friends that he is kind of close with (she's awesome...kind of "one of the guys" type of girl). She started asking other people in our group (and avoided asking me) when everyone thought I was going to approach her about it because she couldn't wait to help me start planning my wedding. One of my FH friends ended up telling her that if my FH doesn't ask her to be a GM (not a BM as she is his friend, not mine) then it probably wont happen. Its funny how people just assume things like this! My advise would be to simply ignore the whole thing completely, go on with your planning, and if she actually approaches you asking about it, find something else for her to do. And hype up the job you give her and make it sound like she is the only person you could think of that you knew that would be outstanding at completing it.

Thanks Alicia

Good question! I'm a little nervous about this one too… well I have two BFF's. One of them is clearly my MOH and I've already asked her. The other one will think she's going to be MOH… It's going to be hard to ask her to be JUST a bridesmaid. You have to be up front with her. Explain who you chose & why and say that you had to cut it at 6 to keep the sides even… or that anything over 6 would drive you crazy. Just because she isn't part of the bridal party doesn't mean she can't help. Let her tie bows if she wants to! Have her help you address your invites. You're doing her a favor by letting her wear whatever she wants to the wedding & she'll be able to enjoy the event as a guest. I should have been a lawyer… there's always a way to spin the situation.

Jouselle... this chic should not ASSume. That he her problem if she wants to embarass herself and tell people that. It is not Mrs. St Hillaire's job to tell her she is not standing up.

I had to tell my sister she wasn't going to be in my wedding.. I felt mean, but her husband is in the military, they are always back and forth from one state to the other and I just wasn't sure where she'd be, plus her financial situation is always so tight that I didn't want to burden her with the financial responsibility that I am giving my BMs... I also have a closer attachment to my friends, she is older and has almost always had her own life.. I left it at that I was sorry but I wasn't sure where she'd be and I didn't want to stress her out with it all since she's a mom and planning to have another baby in the next year.. She was good about it and understood. She will likely walk with her son down the isle since he is the intended ring bearer, so she'll still have a "part" in the wedding.

I think redirecting your friend with a task is a great idea! is she good with organization? Maybe she can be your DOC? or she can be your crafty friend that helps put all your projects w/ you?

You know Christina you are right I will try to find something else for her to do. But it is not set in stone on who my BM's will be but I do know she will not be one of them. She have not come to me yet

OH and I didn't really have to TELL her she wasn't in the wedding, she got the hint when she asked who my bridesmaids were... (obvious hint..) and I later apologized and made sure she understood I didn't mean it offensively- She didn't have me as her MOH so I didn't want her thinking I was out for revenge by excluding her from my wedding.

I agree with the other ladies. Just don't say anything and hopefully she'll get the hint. I would ask her to do a reading or if she is a good singer, sing a song at the ceremony.

I'm personally not a big fan of asking people to be cake servers or guest book attendants, etc. To me, those represent more of a job/free labor than an honor, but go on a person by person basis. Some people do enjoy it and would be honored. Consider your friend and her personality and whether she'd like it.

My sister is my MOH. And everyone else in my bridal party family, except one person. I wasn't thinking about having her in my wedding, because sometimes she is too much. But, we have been friends since 6th grade, and I had another friend as a bm who kept ditching out and she stopped talking to me. So, I let that bm go, and asked my best friend to be in the wedding, which is how it should have been in the first place. Everyone else is my family though. I have 2 cousins, 3 sisters, and FH's sister, and my best friend.

I would ignore it until you have settled on your wedding party. Then, you can either ignore it until she figures it out, or say "I need to keep it at a maximum of three and of course family comes first, so after my sisters and new sister-in-law, we are full. I appreciate you being willing to participate because it is such a lot of work and expense involved. I hope you will be there to share the day with us and enjoy the celebration without the responsibilities of being in the wedding party."

I had a similar situation ... a friend of mine I was in her wedding and so she automatically assummed she'd be in mine ... as my MOH ... however, I informed she was just going to be a BM and she then proceeded to say well what if your MOH can't be there, what if in the end she doesn't want to do it? And I was just like ummm, you are one of 5 girls, and I have at least 2 others I would think to ask before her ... a little mean perhaps, but I couldn't let her go on assumming if something happened to my MOH she'd take her place ... she's already replacing one of my friends who is having a baby and well has decided she can't be in the wedding ...

I'd be point blank with her if she keeps nagging you about it.

I have a similar issue with this and I think all you girls have helped with comments etc. I've been friends with someone since high school and we recently lived together for a year (they say never live with your best friend right?!). I'm an introvert and took the shy way out and left without discussing the real reasons why I left. Now that I'm recently engaged she's assumed in the previous years she'll be my MOH or a BM, but I just don't think I have the heart to tell her she's neither. One side of me thinks I don't owe her an explanation on why she's not in the wedding party so not telling her is fine, the other half of me is being bombarded with other people telling me I should say something so she doesn't keep wondering. Nobody else knows the real reasons why our friendship is on hold so I just think they don't understand where I'm coming from. We haven't had a conversation in 6 months, and neither of us have tried to throw the 'tennis ball' to try and hang out. I assume she thinks a break was a good idea for our friendship, but she was recently invited to a party with all of our friends and she stated she couldn't wait to be a part of my wedding.

I think she might get a clue when she is not invited to the dress shopping events.

Especially if anyone should post pics or talk about the situation.

I mean, come on...I think it is crazy to assume you will be in a wedding party.