How Do You Narrow Down A Guest List??!!

You don't have to invite everyone you've ever met. Tell your mother that those guests cannot be accomodated due to budget and space constraints. If she would care to cover the extra cost, you'd be thrilled to add them back in...

Basically, she's not paying- she doesn't get to make determinations on the guest list. You invite your friends and those closest to you- not those closest to HER.

Be careful about talking too much about the wedding publicly. Then- people think it's a huge affair and they will get an invite. Tell everyone it is a very small, private, intimate wedding. Then- they don't feel so bad for not being invited.

If you're hard-pressed to remember their middle name, occupation, alma mater or favorite color....chop chop!

Unique is right.....add to that 'plus ones' that you won't even recognize when you look at your photos. The people you don't invite are probably going to be less upset than you fear.

A wedding should be a celebration for the people that you are closest to; not an opportunity to have a huge party for everyone your families ever had a fleeting relationship with. If you need an excuse, blame it on the seating capacity of the place, but don't be bullied into having people that you don't want to have.

Unfortunately we had to "pick and choose" from our guest list. We went from 220 down to 100. OUCH, I know.

We basically went to every single person on the list and asked ourselves:

1) When was the last time we seen this person? (if it was more than two years ago = out)

2) When was the last time we even SPOKE to them on the phone? (more than a year ago = out)

3) Is this a childhood friend who you havent seen SINCE your childhood? Maybe there is a reason you havn't seen them since your childhood? = out

4) This "friend of a friend who your mom wants to invite cause its polite".....well, they were out, too.

Sooooo....there were tough decisions, but you do what you gotta do in order to fall within your budget. You might piss off people, BUT who's wedding is this?? and who the heck is paying for it? YOU.

Thanks so much for your advice girls! Omg Jennifer, thats a massive cut! But Glad to know that it can be done, this formula is so helpful!!

My FH and I have been together for over 2 years so our rule was (with a few minor exceptions for people far away) if we BOTH don't know you, your not getting an invitation. I have a few friends who have gone out of thier way the past several months to get together with us because of this - which has been nice :-) {BTW these are people I talk to ALL THE TIME so def have to come - but told them the rule and made them comply :-) }

Thanks! it sucked doing it but hey.....it had to be done

oh!!! and Family! thats a BIG one...

Ok...so here is the problem we ran into. FH's mom was under the impression that if she got invited to their kids wedding, then we have to invite them to our wedding. Uhmm...excuse me? Are you paying for the wedding? didnt think so.

so here are a couple more points to think about:

1) Great Auntie June who you havent seen since you were still in diapers = out

2) Crazy Uncle John who is guaranteed to make a scene by drinking all your booze cause its part of his new "liquid diet" = out.

3) FMIL's 6 other brothers and sisters who do not get along with eachother = out

the only relative we invited was her one sister because....guess what....we saw her several times over the last year for trips! Whoo wudda thunk?

Oh...and co-workers....ask yourself this: "would you WANT to hang out with this person OUTSIDE of work" no? = out

Girlllllllllllll I made the mistake of doing my guest list with my mom she had me at 275 people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and no she wasnt paying for the extra I went home and cut it down to 171!!! just because you know them doesnt mean they get an invite so what they knew when u were little where have they been the last 10 years close family and friends and family you close to and kick it with all family is not included thats just me

Ms. Marissa,

It's quite possible that if you didn't see them, speak to them, or have a meaningful conversation before the wedding, most likely you won't after the wedding either. So its a good idea to consider whether or not these acquaintances are worth the extra worry and money for an invite to your wedding or reception. ...Just something to think about.

Pamela

Wow you ladies were generous my rule was 6 months if they were relatives or friends we haven't spent time with them in the past 6 months there was no reason to invite them. We are having about 60-65 ppl FH only wants to invite 19 from his side. He was harder than I was with the requirements

Well I invited aunts, uncles, and only cousins who were close to me, which is not many. I even invited one sister and not the other. If I don't talk to or hang out with you when I'm not paying, I can't think of one good reason why I should hang out with you when I am.

Wow, you ladies are so helpful! and in the grand scheme of things you all are so right. I suppose I am consumed with people being upset with me and my mother for not getting invited but in the end, screw them, lol.

Ya know...maybe I came off a bit harsh.... :-)

Not necessarily "screw them" , but they have to understand that this event is costing you guys a TON of money and you want friends and family who you talk and socialize with frequently to be there. Not just cause you "have to", ya know?

I wish you guys the best of luck and stay strong! Dont let mom get under your skin and try to make you feel guilty!!! if she wants them there, she needs to fip the bill for their food.

Family members? Friends?

haha if I couldn't get their address.. then they were out!!

My FH and I also figured out who had not invited us to their wedding (also factoring in if we had grown closer as friends since they were married)...that took out three couples right there.

We were fortunate having a DW. We invited 94 knowing half would not be able to attend(they were the courtesy invites). Our max is 60. True to form, based on room bookings at our inn, and those who told me they couldn't make it when they received the RSVP, we will come in at 60.

In an Italian family, if parents are paying for the wedding, than they invite whomever they like. Many times parents use the wedding as a way to display how well they are doing. At my first wedding, there were many people I have never met. I could care less. They brought a generous monetary gift that went into the loot bag and mom and dad were happy to show what a nice big wedding they could throw.

I ran into the same problem. Somehow, our original guest list of 100 shot up to 150....umm NO! We were trying to invite cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends. But after we really sat down and looked over the list again, most of those people we hadn't talked to in years, and just because you are related to someone does not mean you automatically have to invite them to the wedding. I feel like if you don't have their number in your phone and speak to them on a regular basis, then they can be CUT! I am having issues now with my dad's side of the family because they all want to come and be nosey...but mind you I haven't seen any of them in almost a year! We don't speak on the phone, see each other, and even when I had a FB page, we were "friends" but we didn't even speak on there! If by chance, our "A-list" people cannot make it (which I doubt) then they may get an invitation, but if everyone RSVPs, they are just gonna come up short! Sorry, not going into debt for no one! Good Luck!

I would give first priority to current friends, my friends not my parents' friends, distant relatives are definitely out, kids? think hard about that one. Dates only if they were in significant long term relationships and/or they would know no one else there to converse with. Coworkers? Not so much. Just maybe one bff...but if they can't keep quiet about it, it's best to invite all or none....as in coworkers, all or none 2nd cousins, all or none aunts/uncles. That way, no one feels personally slighted or shouldn't.

Thanks mrs minor - thats how I feel too, some trying to be be nosey and my mother has relationships with many of my family, not me. But in the caribbean like Carole said, the wedding is about the parents and family. I shouldnt be so concerned because in the end, no one will pay for it. However if I take Meghan's advice and have my family write a check to us for additional people, thats a compromise that I can stick to!

I had to pair down my list too. I recommend making some rules for yourself to help guide you in your decisions.

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Nobody from work. Yes, I have plenty friends from work, but my rule was you have been to my home or I have been to your home? Then we have a relationship outside of work and you're considered a friend not just a co-worker.

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Would I (or FH) be heartbroken if Sally wasn't there? If the answer is no, then Sally came off the list.

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Can I just send them an announcement after the fact just to let them know. (It also saves them the expectation of sending a gift).

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Have I met Janie's new boyfriend? If I don't even know his name, he isn't invited. I will not use "and guest" on my invites, I want to know the persons name.

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Be honest with yourself, if there is someone that probably won't come anyway (they can't afford the travel, you don't have a very close relationship with, you've lost touch with them) no need to waste an invitation on them.