Rockstar October 2022

How do you decide to attend or decline a wedding?

Michelle, on May 27, 2021 at 2:26 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 19

Do you only try to attend weddings of those you have close relationships with or do you feel obligated to attend every one that you are invited to even if you have no relationship at all with the couple?

This is completely out of curiosity because you frequently read or hear people say “(friend’s brother’s whoever) invited us and we are expected to attend but we aren’t close to them”. Isn’t that what the decline option is on the rsvp? Because it is not a summons and no one has a right to make you guilty if you don’t attend.


Latest activity by Milada, on June 1, 2021 at 2:49 PM
  • Allison
    Devoted April 2021
    Allison ·
    • Flag

    The only time I declined a wedding invite, it was for a friend from college that I hadn't talked to in a few years. It had been so long since we had talked that I didn't even know she was engaged. So yeah, I graciously declined that invite! But otherwise, the weddings I get invited to are for people that I'm close to and want to show my support for this next big step.

    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    It really depends on schedule/location AND closeness to the couple. We've had to turn down a couple family weddings that we really wanted to go to because timing just didn't work for us. We traveled cross country to attend the wedding of an acquaintance because it aligned well with other things scheduled and other people we wanted to see in the area. Generally we try to attend unless there's a specific reason it doesn't work, but I never feel guilty for saying no when we do.

    • Reply
  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
    • Flag

    I don't enjoy weddings enough to just go to every single one I'm invited to.

    The number one deciding factor is how close I am to the couple. It isn't often I get invited to a wedding that I am not close, but recently a friend of my husband's who we were close to 10 years ago re-emerged and invited us to his wedding. We were never on bad terms, and when we were close we were SUPER close (he basically lived with us for a while), but we have long since drifted apart.

    Second is location. My job is very high-demand, and I have to choose my time off wisely. If a wedding is going to require days off from work due to travel, I probably won't go (the exception would be someone VERY important to one of us, like our best friends). I know that's a really a$%hole reason not to go to someone's wedding, but I just really don't have the luxury of taking days off because someone decided to have their wedding in Jamaica just for funsies, or a local friend who is having their wedding in their SO's home state somewhere else.

    • Reply
  • Grace
    Super February 2022
    Grace ·
    • Flag
    If the couple is someone I or my FH is close to them we would make a point to go, even if it meant a long drive and/or taking time off work. We would also go if we knew the couple (maybe not well, but both of us liked them) and the day/time/location was convenient and did not conflict with work or any other previously scheduled event.

    We would decline if neither of us was close to the couple and the day/time/location was inconvenient in some way. This category would extend to cousins or other family members we are biologically 'close' to but do not have a close personal relationship with.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    If I like them is the first consideration. If travel us involved, I will decide if I want to allocate my discretionary spending.
    A big benefit of moving around every couple of years is no one puts any pressure on me to go.
    • Reply
  • Rebelle Fleur
    Rockstar July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
    • Flag
    I loveeeeeee weddings, love and people find their person. I’ve never declined a wedding invitation and I can’t see myself doing it in the future.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
    • Flag
    We only decline if we truly can’t make it work and this has only happened twice. Once was a destination wedding we couldn’t afford. Between flights and hotel, it would have cost us well over $4,000 just for a long weekend. The second was my cousin’s wedding and we couldn’t get child care because our usual sitters were all invited to the wedding and my daughter’s father was away with the Army.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I am indifferent to weddings in general. But I Smiley heart the weddings of people who I love. Because of that feeling, I am only interested in attending weddings of people with whom I am close. This is also the reason I deliberately had a small wedding.

    That said, I have declined invitations for destination wedding of people I care about deeply due to finances or scheduling issues. I carefully consider all of the relevant factors before accepting or declining. And I feel very strongly about going once I have sent in that acceptance. No no-showing for me!

    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    I’ve declined weddings for a few reasons. Too far/not close enough with the person. Not wanting to see other guests at the wedding (for valid reason). A coworker who literally did not like me but had to invite me because she invited the rest of the team.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    We didn't attend a wedding this month because we had to travel to it. but if they were local, we would have gone! i think i'd just wanna go to weddings in general cause i enjoy them

    • Reply
  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
    • Flag
    We live far away from many of our friends and family since we moved across the country.
    So for us, especially during these COVID times, we wouldn’t travel and spend $$$ for a wedding of someone we weren’t close with, especially if we can’t make a little vacation out of it (if it’s on a weekday or in the middle of the summer in a humid and hot area).
    • Reply
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag

    Unless I feel that I have been invited only out of courtesy, I will generally always go unless it is a destination wedding.

    Thus far all of the destination weddings I've been invited to have required me to fork out quite a bit of money to attend or take time off work so I generally do not attend these unless it is a really close friend or relative, or if it is a destination I actually want to go to and can justify the impromptu holiday.

    • Reply
  • Rosie
    Rockstar February 2022
    Rosie ·
    • Flag

    I LOVE a good wedding! I love picking the outfit, celebrating the couple, seeing someone of my acquaintance so happy, so I'd really only decline a wedding if it was too far away or the date clashed with something else.

    I wouldn't have any guilt declining though!

    • Reply
  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag
    I love weddings. Before Covid, I went to almost every wedding I got invited to. The two we declined, one was an acquaintance whose wedding was on the same day as another one we were invited to, and the other was a close friend of mine who got married at noon on a Wednesday across the country from me when I had just started a new job two months earlier. I almost booked a same-day round trip to be there but I just couldn't swing it and I still regret I couldn't go.

    Since Covid, and our wedding in April, I am a bit different. We had almost 50% decline or otherwise not show up. Some of them I could tell felt bad, others it felt like they just didn't care. Didn't send a card, or text, social media wishes, anything. So where I once would have immediately blocked their date off on the calendar and wouldn't have thought anything of driving 8 hours for a weekend wedding trip, now, not so much. I show up for the people who showed up for me, physically or emotionally. But now, if you don't care, then I don't care.
    • Reply
  • Merissa
    Beginner February 2022
    Merissa ·
    • Flag
    One friends wedding was a weekend trip and I had just gone back to work after maternity leave, I couldn’t afford to go. We really only knew each other for a year. One wedding was my fiancé’s friend from high school. He went but i didn’t go. It was nice that she invited me but I also had to work that weekend, I ran a bar so it was hard for me to get off those nights.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    The past 10 years I think I’ve only been invited to one! Before that I declined weddings mostly for being too far (only went to close family or friends’ weddings if hours or a flight away).
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    We decline/accept based on our relationship with the couple, our ability to take the time off, and how far away the wedding is.

    We've also split attendance in some cases. DH's old roommates were getting married a few years ago, and not only did I not think the relationship was all that healthy (...jury is still out, though it LOOKS better), I knew the MOB would drive me to homicide, and the bride and I were ... not in a good place AT ALL. (Again, things have improved.) Add in that my work had just gotten a HUGE review and we'd been busier than ever for four months straight... DH went, I worked. Turns out it was a good idea I didn't go, because everything I've heard/seen about the MOB... yeah. Uh. She's like my mother, and being around people like that tends to end very badly.

    My cousin is getting married in January, in FL. Our baby is due in September.

    Sorry, cousin! Destination wedding with a 3 1/2 month old?


    • Reply
  • Melody
    Expert April 2021
    Melody ·
    • Flag

    So I've been invited to a TON of weddings, but have never been invited to a wedding where I wasn't close to the couple or was an "obligatory invite". So my general thing is that if the couple feels like we're close enough to send me an invitation, I will do my darndest to be there and celebrate with them. At that point, I would pretty much only decline if I just wasn't able to make it work because of finances or schedule or if I don't think the relationship is good/healthy and don't support it. I honestly can't even think of a wedding invitation I've actually declined, though.

    • Reply
  • Milada
    Rockstar October 2021
    Milada ·
    • Flag

    We've attended both weddings we've been invited to recently. It usually depends on our closeness with the couple, location, and if we can get the time away from work. Once we decide we're going, we block it on our schedule and make a point to get a good gift and outfits. I think we'll probably stick to this approach going forward as well.

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