Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Devoted September 2012

How do you deal with acquaintances trying to invite themselves to your wedding?

The Sealpups, on June 24, 2019 at 11:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Asian weddings are usually huge- up to 300 people. It’s usually filled with extended families/friend of both bride and groom’s parents. My FH and I are aiming for 165 or up to 200 people, which is considered “small” but it’s a bit challenging having family from both of our sides each attend. Our goal is to invite family we are family we are close with. 5% of our list is our close friends.

Some family members from my FH’s side doesn’t understand this concept. They think it’s bring everyone you know or even people you don’t know. We want something meaningful and intimate and not random guests. His grandma asked us for two invitations to give to his aunt’s husband (uncle through marriage) to give to his sister and her husband. We told her, “the wedding is not the bride or groom’s relatives’ extended family.” His cousin’s best friend literally asked us now, “so what’s this wedding? It’s an open invite kinda thing? How many guests are you having?” And even when we said, “no”, the guy and FH’s cousin looked offended, like they couldn’t understand it and we weren’t being hospitable. Smh. I don’t think they understand that not all weddings are the same, it’s according to preference, and that they’re so expensive. It’s not an open thing. We are paying $40/head. I feel so uncomfortable. Any tips?

PS: I can’t believe he asked how many guests we’re having and, “well not all your invited guests are gonna go and I can stop by.” OMG WHAT?! He doesn’t know us very well. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know like last names! Oh and these are guys asking

Flag
Hide content

6 Comments

Latest activity by Joanna, on June 25, 2019 at 11:40 AM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 24, 2019 at 11:58 PM
Flag

Hide content
I am Asian and had a 250 person wedding and let me tell ya I can empathize with this. It's like I heard so many of my asian friends talk about how for theirs they had extra people come and so they rolled out extra tables for it. my dad even said oh well you'll have extra space anyway ... ITS PLANNED BY PERSON, ITS NOT SOME HOUSE PARTY YOU GET EXTRA THINGS FOR JUST IN CASE. I even had some say they bought buffer tables (extra tables) in case of extra people come. You know why? It's like they just bring their kids or other family members and don't tell you because they think it's weirdly ok and they don't even really get the concept of planning by person or what RSVP is! I swear so many Asians guests did not formally rsvp they just verbally told us. We luckily did not get extra guests and my parents said it's because I wrote cannot bring more than allotted guests xD I mean I know how people in our culture can be so that's why I wrote that!
Sorry for my long answer ahah I empathize with this. Basically, they really don't see your wedding as an intimate and special thing. It really is a giant party to them. The upside is being asian they ideally pay for themselves xD with red envelopes. The downside is they think because they give you a red envelope means they can just go do whatever they want.
- Reply
VIP October 2020
Kelly · on June 25, 2019 at 8:00 AM
Flag

Hide content
I'd start telling people the venue has a strict capacity at 200 people and you don't want to go over that. I can't help with culture but good luck.
- Reply
Savvy November 2019
SHANNON · on June 25, 2019 at 8:56 AM
Flag

Hide content
I agree with Kelly. Find a venue that is the exact size for the number of guests you want to have. It gets you out of being the "bad guy" from anyone by saying there are strict capacity limits and the fire marshal would shut down the party if it was over what was allowed.
My MIL did this to me 2 weeks before the wedding. We invited 165 people (capacity was 155) but we figured not everyone would come. 150 RSVP'd they were going to make it. Then, 2 weeks before the wedding, my MIL blindsides me and tells me that she invited 13 additional "family members" who lived out of state and that they RSVP'd to HER (she literally mailed them her invitation that she received from us). I let her know that not only were we at capacity for guests (we also had to include the DJ, bartenders, coordinator, and caterers) which put us over by 1. Further, out of state guests get invited to the rehearsal dinner since they pay for travel and hotels... and we were at 100% capacity for the room we reserved for the rehearsal dinner and the food had already been paid for.
My MIL wasn't contributing a dime towards our wedding... we paid for it ourselves. She was PISSED that I told her we were at capacity and so she called the venue herself to ask if it was true (like I was lying to her). She blamed me for the embarrassment it caused her to have to call these "family members" and tell them they couldn't come (my husband said he had never met this part of the family as they were second cousins to his mom, she hadn't seen them in over 20 years herself) .
Hang in there. I think this is a common issue for a lot of brides. It would be awesome if people would have some compassion for the bride... it's stressful enough without having to deal with everyone making things worse.
- Reply
Devoted December 2019
· on June 25, 2019 at 9:59 AM
Flag

Hide content
I’m marrying into an Asian family and you’re so right 😭 I plan on putting on the invite “we have reserved _ seats in your honor” just so they know to not bring the whole crew. His mom started inviting random people but we haven’t sent out invitations yet. These extra people haven’t even received save the dates. We’re telling his family members we can’t give them stacks of invitations to give to others, and not even explaining ourselves. If extra people show up, they’ll just have to leave. We’re inviting 180, where over 100 are his family members. I am looking forward to walking around collecting envelopes though 😂
- Reply
VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on June 25, 2019 at 10:56 AM
Flag

Hide content
I definitely agree with all the advice so far, #of guests on RSVP, venue with limited capacity, etc. I would also do a seating chart with place cards out in the lobby area for each guest/couple. If non invited guests show up, they won't have a place card/seat and the venue will take care of them from there, not making you be the bad guy. Good luck!
- Reply

Savvy October 2021
Joanna · on June 25, 2019 at 11:40 AM
Flag

Hide content
I'm having a small wedding too. The best way to go is blame the capacity. "The chapel only seats 80 people" is my go-to.
- Reply

10 Beauty Tasks You Should Actually Do Before Your Wedding (and Which Ones to Skip) — Hair & Makeup 10 Beauty Tasks You Should Actually Do Before Your Wedding... There's a long list of beauty treatments you could try before their wedding...

Trends & Tips How to Deal With a Last-Minute Wedding Vendor Cancellation Even if you've planned your wedding to perfection, emergencies can still happen....

Everything You Need to Know About a Wedding Photography Contract Before Making Things Official — Photography & Video Everything You Need to Know About a Wedding Photography... Ready to make things official with your dream photog? Not so fast. Make sure to...

Post content has been hidden

How do you deal with acquaintances trying to invite themselves to your wedding?

6 Comments

Related articles