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Just Said Yes May 2014

How do you ask your family for wedding contributions???

Megan, on July 2, 2012 at 11:28 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 22
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My fiance is nervous about asking his parents if they would like to contribute to the wedding. He is afraid they will get offended and feel like they have to contribute. Does anyone have any advice on how to go about this tricky and potentially awkward situation??

22 Comments

Latest activity by Louis, on November 23, 2018 at 11:51 AM
  • Tach
    Master July 2012
    Tach ·
    • Flag

    We didn't ask any of our parents, we're paying for the wedding ourselves.

    • Reply
  • ashlee
    Master January 2012
    ashlee ·
    • Flag

    To be honest, it's essentially inappropriate to ask. If they offer, that is generous and amazing... but you should plan the wedding you can afford, and not count on donations.

    • Reply
  • Cyndi K
    Master August 2012
    Cyndi K ·
    • Flag

    We're paying for our own wedding. Since I'm a stay at home mom we had a longer engagement so that we could afford what we wanted. Maybe you should think that through. Asking for money is rude whether it's family or not.

    • Reply
  • MyLove&HisMrs.
    VIP November 2014
    MyLove&HisMrs. ·
    • Flag

    We're paying for our wedding. I have been approached by family members on a number of occasions requesting donations towards their wedding. I respectfully declined and advised them to scale back their plans.

    My personal opinion:

    It is extremely inappropriate to ask someone to donate money towards your wedding. Asking backs people in a corner and most will feel obligated.

    • Reply
  • Ester C
    VIP July 2012
    Ester C ·
    • Flag

    "If they would like to contribute to the wedding" THEY will offer, there won't be a need to ask. If you do ask, you are soliciting and with any solicitation the anwer might be no or they might say yes for being put on the spot.

    • Reply
  • Pan
    Master March 2012
    Pan ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't ask. If they want to contribute they will bring it up. Many brides here can tell you stories of family members saying they would help pay, but never following through. While this happens even in some cases where the bride and groom didn't ask, it's even more likely to happen if you ask for money when none has been offered. Have the wedding you can afford to have on your own. It's not a good idea to rely on someone else's money.

    • Reply
  • krisalicious
    Master April 2012
    krisalicious ·
    • Flag

    You don't ask anyone else to contribute to your wedding.

    Plan what you can afford on your own as a couple. You have nearly 2 years to save based on the wedding date in your profile. If either of your families offers to pitch in, do not count on any of that money until their checks have cleared the bank, either. Sometimes people offer things and don't follow through.

    • Reply
  • Mrs.
    Super October 2011
    Mrs. ·
    • Flag

    In my opinion I would say don't ask. Tell your family you are engaged and your plans for your wedding and if they want to contribute they will.

    If you are going to ask, then there is no "right" way to ask. Just come out and ask them, but I don't think it is a good idea.

    Our families offered to help and everyone that offered came through 110% percent. We are very lucky to have such an awesome support system on both sides of our family. It was funny because when I got engaged my mom said well you better start planning and I said "well I will when you tell me what your budget is". We both laughed. I wasn't serious when I said that to her but we were raised in a line of thinking that the brides family covers most of the wedding.

    Good luck to you if you do decide to ask for contributions.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Clark aka Mrs Awesomepants
    Master November 2011
    Mrs. Clark aka Mrs Awesomepants ·
    • Flag

    Welcome to WW! Be sure to update your avatar so we can remember you in future posts! Here's how to do that and more: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/new-to-the-weddingwire-forums-please-read-before-you-post/b433c40c1a62b96a.html

    And I agree with the others, as adults, you DO NOT ask. If you're old enough to get married, pay for it yourself. If parents offer, that's one thing but it's rude to ask.

    • Reply
  • Patrice
    Devoted August 2012
    Patrice ·
    • Flag

    You should be able to ask your parents ANYTHING! Same for FH! Fortunately, I didnt have to ask, i actually declined some offers. But those ppl put it in cards for my bridal shower which was a big help. If you need help, you need help. The most they can say is no, right?! If so, keep it moving and plan within you budget, but if they say yes than thats extra money you can use. They may not even know that you need help. And If you do ask, dont put a dollar amount on it. Let them decide how much they can give you. My mom contributed 5g, my dad $500 and MIL $50 and we appreciate every cent! ;o)

    • Reply
  • Soon to be mr K
    Expert June 2013
    Soon to be mr K ·
    • Flag

    I just said, "so what is our budget?" to my mom. I knew that my dad intended to pay for most of it though, even though he hadn't said anything. I guess, if you have to ask, maybe, pick something that you would like to help with and ask, "could you help us with....?"

    • Reply
  • Christa
    Expert August 2012
    Christa ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Mrs. D; meet with your parents alone, announce your engagement and discuss your vision for the wedding. If you are lucky, they will offer to help. Good Luck.

    We were blessed to have both sets of parents offer to contribute. However, we declined FIL's offer (FH did not want his mother to plan our wedding-ha). In the end, we are contributing 1/3 and my parents are contributing 2/3.

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Super July 2014
    Katie ·
    • Flag

    If you'd like donations but don't want to ask or find it rude, you could always ask for Christmas/birthday gifts in the form of money or gift cards that you can use towards your big day.

    • Reply
  • Artina
    Expert May 2015
    Artina ·
    • Flag

    Both my parents and grandparents asked as it is big in my family for the brides family to cover a good portion of the cost. They are splitting my venue four ways

    • Reply
  • Joanna
    Super September 2010
    Joanna ·
    • Flag

    I wouldent ask, they will contribute if they want to

    • Reply
  • Robin A.
    Master July 2012
    Robin A. ·
    • Flag

    I didn't ask. FH and I intended on paying for our wedding ourselves. Soon after our engagement, both sets of parents told us what they were willing to help us with happily. We have not told FH's parents how much money my parents gave us for the wedding, while they have been gracious enough to offer to do the rehearsal dinner and any alcohol for the wedding.

    We are happy to have help especially since it isn't conditional. Our parents have been wonderful in their generosity. That being said, we really did not expect them to give us anything and would have had a small and even simpler ceremony had we paid for it ourselves.

    • Reply
  • Uhura526
    Expert April 2013
    Uhura526 ·
    • Flag

    My parents offered to contribute and now we are working on my budget and basically agreed that they would cover about 80% of the budget and we will do the rest. My FH's mom has not offered to contribute a dime which was expected. His dad is MIA so he doesn't even know we're engaged as far as I know.

    • Reply
  • Sonia
    Devoted November 2012
    Sonia ·
    • Flag

    FH and I are paying for everything. But our entire wedding budget is $2000 (well, maybe 3, but don't tell him that.) We're very lucky to have a wonderful artistic community of friends who are gifting us services to help I'm scaling WAAAAYYY down as far as food (dessert reception, cake coffee, punch only) and we're not having a dance at all. And there's an awful lot of DIY and dollar store shopping involved.

    Really, I just want the get past the wedding part and be his wife. I love the fun of the wedding, (and most of the trappings) and sharing it with our church, our friends and our family, but I'm way more excited about him moving in with us and becoming a family and living the rest of our lives together.

    But I do agree that while we are able to ask our parents for help in everything, we should budget our wedding so that we can pay for it on our own. It's one day. This one day is not nearly as important as the decades of days that will follow.

    Con't.

    • Reply
  • Sonia
    Devoted November 2012
    Sonia ·
    • Flag

    I've had to ask my mom for help with rent, with bills or gas money when I was younger and just starting out.

    To me, that’s one thing, asking for help with necessary things.

    But this is about the wedding. Nothing outside of an officiate, a license and a couple of witnesses is necessary.

    If your family does offer, then graciously accept. But I’d shy away from asking them to help pay for the things “it’d be nice to have” as part of your wedding.

    • Reply
  • WasSoon2BMrsSmith
    Master September 2010
    WasSoon2BMrsSmith ·
    • Flag

    I didn't and wouldn't ask. But if you need money and don't want to ask I think the best thing to do is while visiting, mention that you need to have a very small wedding due to costs. If they want you to invite more people. extended family etc this is a good opening for them to ask how many people you are having and a good timef or them to offer if they want to offer.

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