How do I tell my fiance's sisters' they are not in the bridal party?

I don't understand just b/c your FH/FW has siblings doesn't mean there some wedding etiquette that requires them to be in their siblings wedding. She made an ass of herself when she assumed she would be standing by your side...I'd be honest and explain that you are having people that are truly friends/family standing alongside you. That being Fake gets real old...If FH wants them in the wedding well there are plenty of other things they could be involved in. If they haven't even really tried to get to know you then I don't understand why they would have a problem with your decision.

I to am having this same trouble but my FH has 3 sisters...and only 2 of them treat me well...I only want to have like 5 bridesmaid so how do u choose because that would leave me with only 2 spots and I have 4 close friends that I want in my wedding. It is wrong of her to assume especially if she doesn't really include you in things. I wouldn't put them in my bm.

I just attended a wedding this weekend where the bride had her brothers on her side and the groom had a very close female friend on his side, if he wants them included they can stand on his side.

My FH is not close with either of his sisters. He wants my brother to be a groomsman because they are very close. They have a much better relationship then he has with his own sisters. To be honest, I don't care if they hold a grudge against me. From day 1 they were nothing but awful to me. I was never included in anything or invited to any 'girls night outs' even after we moved in together. Now that we are engaged they are trying to be my friend and deep down I know it's all a show because they really have no close friendships and this would probably be their only shot at BM. The youngest has already tried to take over my bachlorette party even after I told her that her ideas are not what I want. She has already put down dresses and colors I showed her, I cannot imagine the drama I will have to deal with if they were BMs.

The younger one already does the opposite of what I ask her (ex: feeds my dogs what I've asked her not to) and doesn't care. I don't need that for MY only wedding.

This may sound insensitive, but I don't really see the issue here. If you don't want them to be bridemaids, then don't let them be bridemaids. If they assume that they are, correct them.

I put FH's sisters who aren't particularly fond of me in the bridal party as a sort of extending the olive branch move... 1 has been excited but the other doesn't even respond to my texts or emails.

Stick to your guns. Just say a little white lie... "years ago I made a pact with my best friends to have them in my bridal party. We want to keep the parties small to cut costs so I'm only have these girls."

DlovesD put it better

I agree with many of the other ladies. If they treat your poorly, it is their own fault. People who treat you poorly should NOT be around you on your special day.

FH should understand and he needs to address it with his family.

Also I just read the comments from Trisha about being close with her SIL until she didn't put her in the wedding. I'm sorry but I feel that is very selfish. Maybe she had good reasoning. Maybe she had lifelong friends' who she didn't want to hurt. She may also not have realized you expected to be in it. Cut her some slack before you ruin your relationship with your brother too!

You are totally not wrong. One of FH's sisters is not even invited to our wedding (reallllly long story), and the other, who I really do love, is not going to be in the party simply because I wanted it to be people who were important to me and not people I felt obligated to include. it is your day, do YOU!

I guess since they think they are going to be part of the party- you HAVE to hace some sort of conversation- gross and awkward. Sorry. FH's sister just kinda got the idea and we did not have to have a conversation. I guess i would let FH take the wheel and he can talk to them about it. They have never been nice to you anyway so he can deal with them!

@DlovesD, you may feel it selfish, but I feel it was selfish of her to not involve her husband's sisters in her wedding KNOWING how close he and I are. And thank you for your concern on my relationship with my brother, but we are still very close despite myself and my entire family's feelings towards his wife. There were no good reasons, but I really don't feel I need to get into that and defend myself since I was just adding another perspective to this situation.

And yes my brother could have had us stand up for him, but he knows 0 about weddings and never would've considered that option, and even if he did, she never would've allowed it.

Im not having my FSIL's... there is 3 of them, and i think it would be rude to just pick 1. they all understand i have family & friends i want standing up with me. IMO

its silly to let something, such as a wedding party get inbetween a relationship and ruin it.

Your not wrong, but in all honesty I think your situation will just be so much worse if you don't ask them... How about having a conversation with them telling them how they make you feel get all the shit out in the table now! At least maybe you can all come to an agreement like adults instead of having this tension linger over you guys! Just a thought... Good luck.. And def think this through remember blood is always thicker than water!

@Trisha - not knowing anything about the situation I wanted to offer another perspective. FH and I went back and forth for a very long time about whether or not to ask his only sister to be in the wedding. It made me very upset and stressed out because while I wanted to ask her there were very personal reasons regarding my family that prevented my being able to. FH's family knows nothing about these reasons as I refuse to tell them as they are not my 'issues' to reveal, they have to do with a very close member of my family. His mother and sister are both upset but FH and I were very confident that our decision was the only one we were able to make. I just wanted to put it out there that while you and your family may not know a reason for your not being asked it does not mean that there wasn't a reason that had absolutely nothing to do with you.

They are his sisters but you are responsible to chose your side and your FH chooses his. He has no say and they definitely don't! Stop sharing details with either of them so they have no hand in the wedding planning process. Just because you may have been a bridesmaid in their wedding doesn't make you obligated to have them in yours. My cousin was my MOH and I probably won't be in her wedding at all when she gets married because she has a million close sorority sisters which is fine. Family issues aside, being a bridesmaid shouldn't be meant to fix or break any relationship.

I was in a similar situation - my FH has 2 older sisters ( he's the baby lol) and I have 5 brothers .. We are both close with each other's siblings, but for our own sanity, we chose Not to have them in our wedding party. Instead we are incorporating his sisters in our ceremony by doing a reading & my brothers will be ushers.

They weren't fond if it, but it's either that or nothing~ unless they decide to pay for our wedding of course lol

My mother has always said, "Blood runs thicker than water." I agree that you are in a rough spot, and that it's rude to assume you're in any wedding, but I think the high road for you to take is to ask them to be BM and treat it as an opportunity to become closer and get to know each other. You could also have your FH incorporate them into his attendants. You're about to marry into this family; do you want to make as much trouble as possible and have your way on everything, or are you willing to compromise and make it an easier transition? Every family has their issues, and this "shouldn't" matter, but if it will, I suggest you compromise.

Like someone else said, they sound horrible and very opinionated. The less hands in the Cookie jar the better. Do you really want these women running the show and forcing their ideas and opinions down your throat? They will think you should just because they are FH sisters and now they are your bridesmaids. Run.

I have tried to talk with them in the past. Some how they always play victim and then I look like the jerk.

The only way I can think of to get out of it is to have no BM and say it's for monetary reasons (you can still get away with a MOH, I think). You could have them do readings, but from what you've written, I suspect that won't be enough for them