How do I tell my fiance's sisters' they are not in the bridal party?

I'm not having FH's sisters in the bridal party. Honestly, it's who you choose, and they shouldn't expect to be in the wedding just because they are FH's sisters. I would talk to FH and go from there. Maybe he can talk to her since you two aren't that close? I would never assume to be in a wedding just because I am related to someone. Have you chosen your bridal party yet?

No you are not wrong. You should never assume you are in someone's bridal party, no matter how close you are. You wait until you are asked. Have who you want, im not including my FH's sisters.

Maybe your FH can talk to her about it. If either of them say something to you personally, just say that only close friends are in your bridal party and change the subject. They'll understand since none of you are close. If they get upset about it, then they aren't behaving like adults.

You don't, he does. They are, after all, his sisters. And he says that you want to be able to choose your own family members/close friends for your side, just as he will for his.

If he does want them included, he can always include them on his side.

I would just flat out tell her your not in the wedding.

Why would she assume this? Was something said to her? Did the other sister assume so as well?

If you want to be more tactiful you could say something like: I want to keep my bridal party small. Or tell her you havent chosen your bridal party yet and just never bring up anything wedding around her.

Do you have brothers that you are wanting to be in the bridal party? If you keep the bridal party small, and none of your male family in it, then there shouldn't be a problem. I do see a possible issue if your groom has 2 people more than you have. . . Sticky situation. I do think that FH should talk to them about it and not leave that up to you. It is his family.

There is no rule anywhere that you need to include your in-laws just because they are the same sex as you. BM should be your closest friends to you. Period.

She might have just said that in case you asked her. I know I get excited about weddings and want to be in everyone's but I certainly don't expect to.

All hell will break loose because his family can sometimes be very selfish. They like everything to be about them. When his parents find out their precious daughters are not included they will pull a fit, as well as the sisters. My biggest fear is one of them, who is known for this, will pull a hissy fit at the wedding and make everyone feel sorry for her. That's actually why I have chosen not to include them-I don't need any drama. No, I have not chosen anyone yet, our wedding isn't for 2 years, but I have some friends in mind.

It is rude for anyone to assume they are a BM.

How many BM do you think you will have? Maybe you can you the excuse of 'keeping a small bridal party'? Or "we want to keep things simple so I am just having x,y, and z as BM's".

Or you could try "I am just selecting the people I feel closest with as my BM. Although I don't feel we have a close relationship yet FSIL, I look forward to building one in the future."

There are lots of way you can spin this, but at the end of the day, you don't need an excuse. Who you ask to be a BM is you decision.

I think they know when you don't ask. Let time pass they will get the hint. If they ask, then say you're not in my BP. Otherwise, I wouldn't tell them anything.

If anyone clearly thinks they're going to be asked to be a bridesmaid, and you're not asking them, I think that you need to say something. You don't have to give lots of reasons or be mean. You can just say, "I'm sorry if there was some miscommunication, but I am not asking you to be a bridesmaid."

If your fiance wants his sisters in the wedding, then he can ask them to stand up on his side, or find another way to include them. You're not wrong or rude for not asking them to be bridesmaids, even if they WEREN'T rude to you.

Clearly I am in the minority here but I've been that sister that wasn't in her brothers wedding and it feels awful. My brother and I are super close and I was close with his now wife UNTIL the wedding. She chose not to have my sister and I in the wedding, and my family will never forget it. It totally ruined her relationship with myself and my mother. Your FH's family will never forget it either, especially where she already thinks she's in it, I would tread very lightly in this situation.

I'm just giving you another point of view. My brother knows nothing about weddings, otherwise he would've asked her to have us stand up, and she never would've let us stand up with the groomsmen. All I'm saying is it can cause a huge strain on your relationship with his family. I'm not close to my FSILs AT ALL, but I know it's important to my FH and his family that they be in the wedding. So they will.

My FSIL isn't in my bridal party. In fact she told my FH that really didn't want to be. No disrepect to me but she and I aren't that close. Don't feel obligated.

If they ask or hint at it again, tell them that you haven't decided yet. You still have plenty of time left to pick your bridal party, and you might even be closer with them by the time you need to pick your party. Take your time, bean dip the hell out of them, and see where your relationship is with them in a year.

Trisha: Honestly, if my brother and sister-in-law hadn't asked either me or my sister to be in the wedding party, I would have been a little bummed ... but they asked HER and NOT me and it was devastating. I'm barely involving my brother in my wedding because I'm still so pissed off over 2 years (and their divorce) later.

@Stephanie: I'm assuming that if they are divorced, he's even madder at her than you are. Why would that be a reason to hold a grudge against him?

@Stephanie..yeah that would be even more infuriating I would imagine my brothers wedding was about 2 years ago as well, they're still together but she has threatened to not come to mine as if her attendance would affect me at all..

@Erin, 2d Bride:

Unsurprisingly, there's a lot of other issues between us besides just this issue. The decision to include my sister and not me was not a decision made solely by his ex-wife; they discussed it before asking her. Given that my brother has not asked a single question about the wedding, didn't even tell me that he was getting a divorce, and barely knows what's going on in my life anymore, I have a feeling he's not going to care that he's not a bridesman or groomsman.

@Erin Look, I REALLY don't want to get into all the politics of it, but I'm not going to fall all over myself finding a way to make him feel included when 1) he hasn't shown any indication of caring, and 2) he didn't do the same thing for me.

ETA: I don't want to detract too much from the main thread; I'm not actually suggesting that the OP ask these women to be bridesmaids. I think that if the OP's fiance wants to involve his sisters in the wedding, then he should find a way to do so without having them be bridesmaids. And, honestly, if he involves one sister, he should probably find a way to involve the other.