How do I tell a close friend she can't be a bridesmaid?

What about just having a MOH and best man? So she isn't singled out as not being in the wedding party?

I don't think it's fair for you to blame her finances on not being a bridesmaid. It sounds like wth your 5 person limit she wouldn't be one anyway.

You're welcome to say it as, I have so many people who mean so much to me, and I already have my bridal party selected but it would mean a lot to me if you would still join us day of and help us get ready.

If finances are the only reason why you're not asking her, then I would still ask her and leave it to her to decline because of expenses.

Whatever you do, do not "hint" that she will be a BM if she is not going to be asked. If she brings it up on her own, ALWAYS say it is because you had to make the hard decision to pick only 5 girls for your side. That way it does not come across as she is too "poor" to be in your wedding. Stuff like this can get ugly so quick it's best to just nip it in the bud before she starts assuming she will be in the wedding.

First of all, sides don't have to be even. I don't know where this rule came from, but it's ridiculous. You should be able to have everyone up there with you that you want.

Second of all, you don't ask someone to be involved in the planning/decorating. They offer. If she's already expressed an interest in doing this, that's great, but you don't ask her to. Even if she is a bridesmaid.

If she's this close to you, why don't you leave it up to her? The only budget she needs to be concerned about is the dress. Everything else is totally optional. So just say that you understand she's on a budget but you'd love to have her with you on your special day, and leave it up to her. She can figure out the money side if she wants. Of course, if you don't ACTUALLY want her as a bridesmaid, then that's a different issue. Don't blame it on the money then.

And you never need to explain to someone that they're not in the wedding.

I feel like I wouldn't want to be the friend counting my friend's money, so I would ask her and let her know from the beginning that you know its an expense and completely understand if she can't do it. If it was the other way around, I wouldn't want my friend making the assumption that I can't pay for it, even if she was right. It's a sticky situation though so either way you do it, I would say just be honest. Good luck

Tricky. I like A & J's advice of maybe only having a MOH and BM. If you are completely set on 5 people for each side (sides do NOT have to be even btw), maybe ask her to be a personal attendant. She will still be there for you on the day of the wedding without the financial obligation.

If she asks if she will be a bridesmaid then tell her you already have your wedding party picked. If she doesn't ask then don't bring it up. Is she assuming that she will be one of your BM?

I agree with Lori that you don't need to explain to someone that they're not in your wedding party, and I agree with GrayCatVintage that you shouldn't make it about her not having any money.

If she volunteers to help that is great, but don't ask her to help and not have her as a part of the wedding. That's just rude. It's like saying "I want you to do all this work but get no credit or rewards".

I had a very similar problem, a potential bridesmaid who I knew wouldn't be able to afford all of traditional BM expenses. I asked her to be our reader, that way she was included in the day, but with less expenses. As our reader she is attending the RH dinner and will be getting ready with us the day of.

She has offered and asked if she could help with the planning and decoration for my wedding on her own - I didn't tell/ask her. I do not want to put more stress on her by asking her to be in the wedding when I know she can't afford it - I really am trying to have good intentions so that she can focus on her classes. I also don't want this to be a point of stress in our friendship.

She was in a mutual friends wedding this past August and had many issues telling the bride she could afford it, then paid for nothing but the deposit for her dress. She got her hair and makeup done with the rest of the girls and just left the salon to go to the venue expecting the bride to pay for it, when it was never offered.

She is a very caring person, but she isn't honest when it comes to if she can afford something (I think) because she is embarrassed. I don't want this to hurt our friendship, so I'm trying to find the best way to be a good friend and not put her further in debt over it. I think you can still be friends even if you aren't in every friends wedding. If I had the extra money, I'd gladly help a bridesmaid with expenses.

If money weren't an issue, would you have had her as one of your 5? If yes, then you should ask her and let it be her decision. If she wouldn't have been in the 5, then just don't say anything unless she asks.

If you want her to be a bridesmaid, ask her. Let her worry about her own finances. If she expresses doubt about paying for it, graciously let her know you understand if she can't do it, and you'll be happy just to have her as a guest (or a reader, or whatever). But don't make the decision for her.

If you don't want her to be a bridesmaid, and if it comes up, tell her you had to make tough choices because you could only have five (totally okay to blame your fh for this), and you'll be happy to have her as a reader (or get ready with you or whatever).

Is there any way she can wear the same dress, etc that's she's wearing to the other wedding?

A&J - I've already asked my MOH, and two other girls to be BMs so I can't uninvite them now. This friend is starting to hint about being in the wedding, so that's why I'm asking for help.

Victoria - I'm not trying to count her money. She came to me about 3 weeks ago crying and upset about her finances. I know she was hopping to be a BM, but it's not am able to "gift" her by paying for it myself.

A&G - She has been sending me pics and ideas and texts constantly since the day I got engaged and asked to help with the planning. I definitely don't want to make her do the work with no reward, that's why I'm asking for advice.

Desiree - That's a great idea. I think she would really like that. Thank you for the suggestion!

Sue - unfortunately we have completely different wedding colors. I'm doing summer colors, and the other girl is doing fall colors.

I was thinking she could wear the dress she wore to the wedding last August, since it looks really good on her, and participate in the wedding (reader or something) and she could still get ready with us.

Don't ask her to be a BM. If she brings it up explain to her the 5 people thing, Whatever you do don't bring up money.

I would say maybe find a different roll for her. Such as a reader or usher or something like that.

I would just be honest with her. You can go 2 ways with this:

1- Get your fiance to agree to have uneven bridal parties. Then, ask her to be a BM but be really frank with her and tell her how much she means to you, but you were hesitant to ask her to be a BM because you knew how tight her finances were and you didn't want the wedding to be a burden on her. Ultimately let it be her decision, without any pressure. Reiterate how much you care about her, and how it would mean a lot to you if she would be there to get ready on site, etc. if she is not in the bridal party.

2- Tell her that as much as you care about her, your fiance insisted on only 5 attendants each and it was really hard to pick just 5 people to be a BM. Be aware that this answer (since its not 100% true) might change your relationship/friendship with her. If I were her, I would feel very hurt to hear I "didn't make the cut". Personally, I would much rather hear you were worried that I couldn't afford it then tell me I wasn't a good enough friend (especially since that's not really how you feel!)

Ask if she could be your day of coordinator if she's organized. That how my girlfriend included a good friend. She stood at the door when the bride came and told us all when to enter. Then she helped with some last minute decorations. She was with us the last bit of us getting ready in the morning and took pictures with us. But she got to pick her own dress and there was less expectations on her in the pre-wedding events because the BP was doing it. Honestly a good friend will want to be in your bridal party but will respect your decision and would be thrilled to be included in other ways.

If the only reason you don't want to ask her is because of her finances - then you should let her make her own decisions about being a bridesmaid. If she can't afford it that's her decision, but it sounds like you just don't really want her to be a BM and have already reached your 'max' of BM's.

She might be hurt, but if you've asked people that are just as close to you as she is, she should understand, but how do you think she would feel if she found out the only reason you didn't ask her was because you didn't think she could afford?

If you don't want her to be a BM then ask her to be reader or something else. Just because she's not a BM doesn't mean she can't be excited for you & help you plan. But I would not bring it up - If she asks about being a BM I would just politely explain to her why - but there's not guarantees that she won't be deeply hurt / upset, if you are as close to her as you've described, but hopefully your lucky and she understands.

I feel like you're ignoring everyone who says you shouldn't make it about finances. Bridesmaids shouldn't be required to pay for their own hair and makeup if it's mandatory. All they should be responsible for is the dress.

If you're asking how to not ask a friend who thinks they should be a bridesmaid that's one thing, holding conversations a good friend has had with you in private against her is another.