How did you ultimately decide who to put on the guest list?

Obligation invites need to disappear. Are you pressured by parents to invite them? It's not for parents to decide.

Your guest list is whomever you cannot imagine the day without. Decide if you will be upset if they are not there, even if they are relatives. If the answer is no then cut them.

This is not the time or place for a family reunion or get together of parents' coworkers. Lots of people have best friends they don't see often for reasons. That's not criteria to cut them. Do you regularly communicate? Are they important to you? Those two questions should hold more weight than "do you see them". Relaltionships in that case are pretty cut and dry so there isn't a question of "does this person get an invite?"

I think it’s super odd to determine if your family is worth a certain dollar about, but anyway...We didn’t invite anyone that we hadn’t spoken to in over a year or we wouldn’t invite into to our home for a small get together.

I only invited the people we WANTED at our wedding. our parents didn't demand that any family be invited. We were paying for it on our own. I only invited the cousins that I talk to currently (not all 20 some cousins) and only my dad's mom and her husband are invited on my dad's side. on my fiance's dad's side, no one stays in touch with them, so since we don't know addresses or current phone numbers, none are invited. he invited all of his cousins on his mom's side and all aunts and uncles, and living grandparents. friends are ones we actively talk/hang out with. i do not feel the need to invite old bosses/old coworkers. weddings are for friends and family.

I say if they aren't in your life currently and actively, they aren't worth your time.

You should only invite the people you and your fiancé want there. If you're downsizing and having to fit restrictions, especially, don't let anyone walk over you with your guest list. We have people on both sides of our family who we unfortunately aren't able to invite, too. It can get kind of tricky, especially with plus-ones and distant family members/friends, but ultimately the guest list should be people who are important to YOU. No exceptions

Maybe it was easier for me because I’m older and a second time bride, but we decided to only have those at our wedding that we couldn’t imagine not celebrating with us. We had immediate family and then mostly friends. Don’t feel obligated to invite people just because they are family.

I absolutely agree with the PP. I advocate for inviting in circles and really building your guest list from the ground up.

Start with you, then you can start adding in circles. your parents, siblings, grandparents, people you absolutely cannot imagine celebrating without no matter how they're related to you, aunts/uncles, cousins, and so on. At no point should you feel obligated to invite someone, especially if you haven't spoken to them recently. Pick your order however you want depending on the amount of people you can invite and start building.

This is also a super effective method when cutting the guest list back down

View Quoted Comment For your first wedding did you invite people you wish you hadn't?

View Quoted Comment Most definitely. Because my parents paid for it they felt like they got to invite whoever they wanted. I’m not doing that to my kids. My son got married a few years ago and They invited exactly who they wanted to and my daughter is getting married in October this year and same thing. I’m not getting involved in who they want to be part of their special day.

What do you mean by "often": once-twice a year, or?
Inagree with previous postersvYou should only invite couldn’t imagine not celebrating with you guys. Sounds like you and your partner are paying for it on your own. If so, you and your partner make the call , no one else (it doesn't mean you have to deny all requests, it means you make all decisions).
If parents are contributing it's another story, they have a say on the list.Ultimately you DO know you worth an invite, based on how close you are to those you put on your "maybe list",how often you see them, if you know they will still be part of your life (or you know they won't) after your wedding etc ...

I’ve been basing it off of who I am generally close to, and who I couldn’t imagine getting married without. If you have to ask this question, they more than likely could be cut off of your potential guest list. I feel like generally people know who they truly want and need there, but as you said may feel compelled to invite others just because they’re family

Kayla,
It's YOUR wedding so you get to invite whoever you want there the day of. There are a few questions to consider though: Are your parents making you invite certain people you feel like don't necessarily need an invite? Are your parents paying part of your wedding? If so, then I would have a talk with your parents so all of you know where you guys are coming from.
As much as I love all my family members, my FH and I have always wanted a very small and intimate wedding (40 people). We know that certain family members are going to feel upset, but at the end of the day it is our wedding and that was what we wanted.

We only invited close family and friends. If we had not seen or spoken to you in over a year, you didn't make the cut.

You're not obligated to invite anyone, but if you would enjoy having them attend and it's within your budget then invite them. I have out-of-state family that I haven't seen in years that I invited because even though I don't see them often I know I will genuinely enjoy having them there. It's your wedding, invite whoever you want to.

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Agree with this. If you want them there, invite them. But never do anything in the planning except what pleases you and fiance.

We only invited our family and friends who we regularly see and communicate with. It wasn’t difficult at all. Of course there are others in outers circles who we could’ve invited. But, we felt no obligation to invite “just because” guests. It’s our wedding, so we only wanted the people who are most meaningful to us to be present.

My parents were paying for the wedding, so they did have a say, but our guest list was built on circles of people. All immediate family in the inner circle with wedding party, then extended family (not 2nd or removed, just 1sts), then close friends, then acquaintances. Also each set of parents got a table of friends.


We are decently close to our extended families (my FH is super super close to his), so we didn't mind inviting everyone, but also selectively inviting cousins and aunts/uncles would have begun an absolute family meltdown. This just would not be done in my family, and doing it would lead to family members going no contact. It would be seen as an intense insult. So I really urge you to know your crowd here...its your day and people shouldn't emotionally manipulate you into inviting them, but unfortunately no family is perfect.

View Quoted Comment I would have to say that is one of my main issues. My side of the family is larger and known for pettiness, grudges and making a scene when they feel wronged. I seem to be the black sheep because I am completely the opposite and hate making situations like that happen. I am loving all this advice, making me really see who I want.

View Quoted Comment I LOOOOOOOOOOVE your circles thing.
I hadn't thought of that.

View Quoted Comment This is an excellent opportunity to cull the herd - anyone who makes a scene for anything short of impending danger can be joyfully excluded. Why waste time on people like that?

View Quoted Comment My mother is one of those people. They always make jokes about the mother in law being bad but its not. Its my mother. The one person besides my FH that I want to share this day with. She just doesn't understand that its my day and not hers too