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Ostrichfeather
Savvy October 2022

Help us decide: bridal party, just moh & Best Man, no bridal party

Ostrichfeather, on January 21, 2022 at 10:16 AM Posted in Planning 0 14
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We have been planning our wedding since last summer, and it is quickly approaching in about 8 months. We're in our early/mid 30s. Originally, we weren't going to have a bridal party, not even a maid of honor or best man. Our vision was a romantic one, really to celebrate us as a couple with ALL the people who love and support us as guests! And we can't wait. But, we didn't firmly decide that, I guess. Since then, lots of people have asked if we're having a bridal party, my FMIL has asked multiple times what we've decided for our best man/maid of honor when she already knew we were thinking we wouldn't have any. The reason we didn't firmly decide that is, my fiance is going to be best man in his brother's wedding in summer, and I feel that he would probably like to return the favor. And I'm sure my FMIL would love to see that too. My FBIL's wedding is having my fiance as best man, and my FSIL is having her sister as MOH, no other bridal party. I want him to be happy with our decision and we've talked about it a lot, with not many conclusions other than not having any but not feeling 100% about it. He says he'd be happy either way, having his brother be Best Man or simply having his brother give a toast at our reception. If he has him be best man, I run into an issue of having to pick a MOH. I have 2 best friends, one who is married and amped about us getting married and one who is in a relationship that's not the best who is just not into all this stuff. I invited the first best friend to go dress shopping with me and I think she'd make a great MOH and the other I've been friends with since we're toddlers so I can't possibly pick one over the other!! I'm still close with both. However, I don't really like the look of bridal parties, or bridal party photos. I don't really want to think about what dresses they should wear, and I don't really want anyone standing up at the end of the aisle with us. I just want it to be us, in a beautiful and romantic setting. I don't want anyone to have a job to do, and I don't want anyone having to spend money on a dress or bridal shower or bach for me, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings with who we choose. We are having 120 people to our wedding, all of our friends will be there, it's going to be amazing. I just don't know what to do, I don't want to be seen as "weird" but without a bridal party, I have moments where I could envision my two BFFs as Bridesmaids or two MOHs, and maybe my fiance only has his brother. Then I feel like if I have two MOHs, then he should add a groomsman, and then we basically may as well just have a whole wedding party. Either way, we should make a decision soon. What do you all think given this LONG story I just wrote!?? Thanks everybody, I just don't know what to do or how we can decide!

14 Comments

Latest activity by Candace, on January 26, 2022 at 2:16 PM
  • Ostrichfeather
    Savvy October 2022
    Ostrichfeather ·
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    I should also mention that I don't have a sister, but I do have a twin brother. And that all along, I'd been planning to have my two best friends, my FSIL, my mom, and my FMIL to get their hair done with me and get ready with me day of our wedding.

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  • E
    Dedicated February 2023
    Elycia ·
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    I've seen recently where people will still have bridal parties where they wear coordinated colors and do all the fun things of the bachelorette, shower, and getting ready the morning of, but theyre not official. Like they dont stand up next to the couple, walk down the aisle, do formal bridal party photos, or anything. That could be an option. Otherwise I think having his brother do a speech and you choosing a friend to do a speech would be nice.

    Edit: seeing your comment, your husband could totally do this too. Just get his brother and guy friends together to hang out and get ready, but the ceremony is fully focused on you both as a couple.

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  • Bird
    Devoted June 2021
    Bird ·
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    We had no bridal party!!! No MoH! No best man!!!!!! Our family could not understand it at all. I felt pressured to cave but in the end I’m so so so so so so glad we kept it as is. Follow your heart ❤️❤️❤️
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  • Josie
    Dedicated October 2022
    Josie ·
    • Flag

    I feel EXACTLY the same way about having a bridal party, so we're not having one. I think the matching dresses are tacky, I want people to wear what they want and have a good time and not worry about having a "job" to do. I also have 2 best friends and 2 sisters that I'm very close to, so picking just 1 MOH would definitely leave some feelings hurt. My fiance was 100% on board since he doesn't care much about having groomsmen either. Most of his close friends are older and married and his 1 brother lives in a different state. We're each picking one person to give a short toast at our reception and I think it's gonna be sweet. It's been a huge relief not to think about what everyone else is wearing or having to coordinate people. If anyone questions our decision (my FMIL did), my answer is "Everyone we care about will be there to celebrate us and our love and that's what matters to us". I feel like we've made the best decision in not having a Bridal party, and planning has honestly been pretty smooth so far. My advice is that you already know what you want to do. It's YOUR day - do what feels right to you and the rest will work out.

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  • Josie
    Dedicated October 2022
    Josie ·
    • Flag

    Also, when is your day? I just realized we're both October 2022!! Mine is the 22nd, 10/22/22 Smiley heart

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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    So, you have so many options. First of all wedding parties don't have to have even sides. They don't even have to be gender specific!

    One option you haven't mentioned is to have both of your brothers as "best men" and that's it. They can walk down the aisle ahead of you then sit in the front row, not standing up with you. Then one could give a toast and one maybe do a reading?

    If you want, ask your two BFF's to get ready with you the day of, but wear whatever they'd like. If you want you could get each of them a corsage to mark the moment.

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  • Ostrichfeather
    Savvy October 2022
    Ostrichfeather ·
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    I really like your advice, thank you! And your answer to what you say to people when asked about it, is spot on! Think I’ll steal it. Our date is 10/2/22! Feels like it is coming up so fast!!
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  • Ostrichfeather
    Savvy October 2022
    Ostrichfeather ·
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    Thank you for your thoughtful reply! so many options. I really like your suggestion getting them each a corsage. I think I will do that ❤️
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  • Bella
    Dedicated June 2022
    Bella ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Me!!!! I have none Smiley smile
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  • Ostrichfeather
    Savvy October 2022
    Ostrichfeather ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Nice! I feel like it’s the way to be!
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  • Sloane
    Super May 2022
    Sloane ·
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    Skip the bridal party and save yourself a headache. That’s what I am doing.
    • Reply
  • Ostrichfeather
    Savvy October 2022
    Ostrichfeather ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    This is what we ended up deciding! It feels so good to make a final decision and feel 100% about it!!
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  • Sloane
    Super May 2022
    Sloane ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Absolutely! At this age I don’t need a group of women as bridesmaids!
    • Reply
  • Candace
    Super March 2022
    Candace ·
    • Flag
    There's no rules for your wedding. If you both don't want anyone standing with you, then don't. However, it sounds like your FH actually does want his brother by his side. You don't want him to because it throws off your decision about bridesmaids, but you don't have to at all. It's perfectly ok to have a best man and not a MOH or bridesmaids.
    Also, bridesmaids don't have to match or wear what you pick out, brides don't have to have a shower/bach if they don't want to one, and the new number of bridesmaids does not have to match number of groomsmen. Don't overthink it. Do what you and FH feel is right for you.
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