He pushed the date back…feeling so bummed :(

I think you really have some maturing to do... It's not about your age either because I am 22.

You posted the weddingbee link for what reason??? You are liking their answers because they are sugarcoating things for you.... hate to say it but that's not a good thing.

Your fiancé does NOT seem like he wants to marry you, and for the love of god stop blaming this on his "anxiety".

& if you really think this is his anxiety... you still need to wait to get married because he has self issues that need to be addressed. Grow up and please think about everything me, and all of these other wonderful ladies have told you.

The Bees didn't sound more sympathetic to me.

Try The Knot if you think we are unsympathetic

I'm sorry you're going through this. If he has crippling anxiety that bad, have you considered how he will feel being front and center at a big wedding?

Have you considered doing a small immediate family only wedding with a large part later? I wanted a big wedding but I compromised on a destination wedding with a small at home Reception when we got back. I did so because I know my FH would not be command in a large traditional wedding. He's much more shy than I am.

Is the anxiety from planning or from the actual wedding? It sounds like he doesn't want a huge shindig and that's why he thinks you can plan it a week prior.

Here's my opinion. You're both too young to get married. So enjoy being engaged for a few years.

And take some time to figure out what kind of wedding you BOTH want. But I might be biased, I had a 12 person dinner party and I get anxiety when I have attention on me.

I went through the same experience with my FH. It made wedding planning really painful because I was fearing he was having doubts. It turned out that he wasn't, and that he was just really worried about being the best partner to me. He was scared that he wasn't going to meet these impossible expectations he placed on himself. We talked about it a lot -- he needed reassurance that he was worthy and that I chose him! It really helped us. Maybe he has some insecurities?

@futuremrspribula -- that is incredibly insensitive and hugely assumption based. Please understand that just because a man may have anxiety that it doesn't mean he doesn't want to get married...

I would recommend the five love languages or the book, The Road Back to You! Both have helped us enormously.

@Carissa - I am not saying because he has anxiety that that is the reason he doesn't want to get married.

You can tell by everything she has said he doesn't, this relationship does not seem stable. period.

ETA: I am not being insensitive I am being honest.

By the way, plenty of people have kids at ages much older than 33. The fact that you don't think about that means you need some more life experiences.

It doesn't sound like he feels ready to get married. Pushing the date back probably eases some of his anxiety & makes him think "I can deal with it later" then possibly change his mind as you say he has a history of doing. Maybe he doesn't feel financially stable enough to be a good husband to you (guys worry about this).

At the end of the day he's. not going to get married if he isn't ready. I would stop all wedding obsession & just be a couple for a while.

Thank you all for your responses. I obviously can't force him to be honest with me, but if he says that he truly and honestly wants to marry me, which he has done, then I will believe him. Only time will tell. Thank you Carissa, that's exactly how he's expressed how he feels.

Yes, marriage to him isn't a necessity. But he said he'd get married for me. Because he doesn't care much one way or another. He can definitely be insecure at times. But he's so much more confident now.

I told him I am willing to shrink the guest list, have an intimate ceremony and small party after and meet him half way. He says that even though his anxiety makes it hard to be in front of people, he wants all those important people there. And yes, people do have kids at 33. But fertility goes down after 35, so it's not something I'd like to do if I can avoid it.

And to the people saying have a family only wedding: over half of the guest list is solely family. They all live in the immediate area. To have a small family gathering it would still be over 30 people. If we were to pick and chose the people he's actually closest to, none of that family who lives 5 minutes away would be there. That's pretty crushing. He's distant from his family but his best friends he's really close to.

If his anxiety is affecting his life to the point that he cannot handle standing up in front of family or traveling, he needs to see a therapist or psychiatrist. Or both.

Neither you nor he should be held hostage from living your lives due to his anxiety.

@futuremrspribula there is other info on the other thread. I posted it if anyone wished to read it. I appreciate your insight. I am a very trusting person. If he tells me he wants to marry me, I believe him, because trust is very important. But I do want to talk this out with a professional so we will get counseling.

If you are looking for honest advice, this is the form for you.. You clearly don't like the advice that's given because it is not what you want to hear. If you have to defend your fiance to us, then something is way off.

And to add, the other forum said a lot of the same things based off of the 2 pages I read.

I'm thankful for the advice. I'm already following many steps in order to improve my relationship. Walking away from a 6 year relationship because of what people say on a forum... Isn't a smart one. Yes we need to take a step back and put planning on hold and work on each other. We need counseling. He needs to get his anxiety in check before we move forward. Maybe after counseling we learn new things about each other and it won't work out, we won't know until we try.

Also I wanted to say, that in general, we are happy. This was honestly a very very small bump in the road. I was more bummed than actually upset and angry. This is no reason to leave a relationship. And maybe we find out he doesn't want to marry me at all. That doesn't mean he doesn't love me, like someone stated previously. It's something we will work out together as a team. We've been through worse before, and I am willing to make this relationship work. Even if that means cancelling a wedding or simply getting eloped, if that's what it takes.

Sounds like you shouldn't be having a wedding until he's ready to have one. It's tough. It is an emotional thought, but I understand it. My fh and I were together for 15 yrs before he randomly popped the question. So you can imagine how surprised I was when he asked me to marry him (I literally asked him if he was serious 3 times).

If it's not that, then there is something else going on and you both need to stop making excuses. Divorce is expensive, so you need to make sure getting married is right for BOTH of you.

What's another couple months if you plan on being together forever? Take the time to go to counseling together as a couple and get him back into individual counseling as well. maybe you could go on your own too. talk therapy is incredible, i think everyone should do a year of weekly therapy to learn tools to cope with life. I know you want the big party and parents are pressuring you blah blah but they can suck it, focus on your relationship getting stronger and improving your individual selves. Good luck! <3

@beryl, Getting sympathy from another website is not the issue. He should not have proposed if he wasn't ready to get married. Sounds like he's dragging his feet. I'd move on.