He pushed the date back…feeling so bummed :(

He goes whats the rush? Why are you trying to lock it in? He is NOT a planner. He has this idea in his head that we should just throw a random party after going to the court house and that be that. I told him venues get booked a year in advance or earlier sometimes, if we don’t want to lose the date we need to book it. Then he goes on a rant how he feels bad because he doesn’t have the money saved up for the wedding. Well, I have the money from my dad! We agreed that he can pay for the honeymoon, and we can take that whenever he is able to. No rush. I asked AGAIN if the date is okay so I can put down the deposit. He says it is so that’s what I do.

Well it turns out, he didn’t want me to do that, even though that’s what he said. We’ve had an ongoing issue that has gotten a lot better with time, where he agrees to something to make me happy even though it’s not how he actually feels. Then last minute he changes his mind and lets me down. He was going to a therapist and was getting so so much better, he has crippling anxiety. Like REAL BAD. He’s struggled for years and we were finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. But life gets in the way, and he hasn’t been in awhile. And then this happens We had a good talk, he agreed that he needs to communicate better. He has issues making everyone around him happy by sacrificing his own. And in the end, we both lose. This could have all been avoided if he had told me from the beginning he wanted to wait. He goes on that he told me to not put down the deposit, but everytime I made sure, he told me it was fine. We are both so different. I’m strong willed, loud, passionate, and blunt. He is not. And it can be so hard to be on the same page when we are so different. But I love him so much. Our new date is 10/6/18, as long as the venue is available. I am just so bummed and disapointed. I was so attached to our date. It was finally going to be a year away. And now it’s not. We’ve been together 6 years, we’ll be getting married on our 8 year anniversary. My parents and his are going to be so sad too, they were begging us to move the date up and were so happy when we did. I just wanted to vent….this only happened last night and this morning has been so depressing. I was excited. But now we will have a few more months to save so I guess look on the brightside right? Thanks everyone for listening

Oh hun, I'm so sorry.

Can you maybe go to counselling together? Maybe you can also learn some skills to help him with his communication? FH and I are both like to avoid conflict, so we tend to agree to things that we aren't happy with. As part of our pre-marital counselling, we were given some tips on how to improve communication, and I think it has helped a lot.

I'm sorry (hugs)

Just want to throw in that he shouldn't decide anything, it should be a "we."

This reminded me of a joke Einstein used to tell...

“When we first got married, we made a pact. It was this: In our life together, it was decided I would make all of the big decisions and my wife would make all of the little decisions. For fifty years, we have held true to that agreement. I believe that is the reason for the success in our marriage. However, the strange thing is that in fifty years, there hasn’t been one big decision.”

@Nonna T We decided together....sure I want to get married in Feb, because I was so attached to the date already. I originally had envisioned a fall wedding. I just wanted to get married sooner and the only month I liked was Feb, because it's my birthday month. I'm in Florida, the weather is gorgeous. I just wish all of this could have been avoided. I hate letting people down. HATE it. I hurts me that I now have to contact all my vendors, speak to all my friends, and tell them that we've changed the date for the 3rd time..

I'm sorry that happened, but you guys agreed on a great date! Thats my twins bday and they will be 15 when you get married! Happy dance all around!

It's our dating anniversary. It is a great date, other than the fact last year a hurricane passed during that time....lets hope that doesn't happen again!

I also recommend going to counseling with him. It's good you both realize there are issues to be worked on, but going to counseling together will help you BOTH improve communication skills and hopefully prevent things like this in the future. October is a beautiful time for a wedding and the time will fly by, so don't worry about that! ;-) Hugs!

I can totally go with your story! The same thing happen to me with my Fíance... he felt like I was rushing him to get married and he doesn't understand the locking down of the venue and he just wants to go to the court house & have a party and he doesn't understand there's so much more to do than that... but he's all for our date now and he's learning step by step... it will get better girl, i promise.

In all honesty it sounds like you need to go to some therapy before you two get married. You both obviously have some underlying issues here that should be resolved before you decide to get married...

Thank you everyone. His anxiety is hard to deal with sometimes. Hopefully now that he's being honest we can move forward.

I'm sorry :/ That sucks.

Couples counseling.

Agree with @FutureMrsPribula. You need to be able to communicate without one or the other getting hurt feelings or you're setting up for failure...

Do you guys plan on going to premarital counseling? It's good that he goes on his own, but the both of you should go together.

I'm so sorry. Do you think the anxiety is coming from being in front of a bunch of people? Maybe it's not just the money. I think counseling is a good idea. He needs to be open and honest with you and himself about his fears. I hope things get better and that he comes to be as excited as you are. Even though you pushed it back doesn't mean you can't book the venue does it? Maybe that's what he really doesn't understand. Do sorry.

You need counseling and he needs therapy.

And why did he want to push it back? that needs to be made clear- so more communications.

If I were you, I would really try to dig into what is behind his hesitation. What PRECISELY is it that makes getting married in 12 months not okay but getting married in 20 months hunky dory? What is it about waiting those extra 32-ish weeks that is so important?

I'm not trying to scare you, but it sounds like he doesn't want to be married at all. If he was excited to be your husband he wouldn't be stalling like this.

I think we have all seen it too many times: a couple is together for years and years without an engagement. One partner or the other starts seriously questioning whether to continue on with someone who isn't all in, so the reluctant partner finally proposes to buy him or herself more time. Then the waiting game starts all over; how long can the non-committal partner drag out the engagement before they either lose the other person or finally have to actually commit for real?

I think you are overdue for a very serious talk, and I wish you well.

Some info. We are both very young... I'm 22, he's 24. We talked and we are going to counseling together. He comes from a broken family, which is why marriage has really stressed him out. He does want to be with me, but it is true, he'd rather get eloped and then just have a random party afterwards. He is NOT a planner, like AT ALL. He doesn't understand that we can't plan something like this last minute, that realistically it does take a year in advance. And that's where the stress comes from. He thinks he can pull off a 65 person wedding for $1k. Nooope. He's oblivious to weddings. He's stubborn. But he has eased up a lot. And is willing to talk it out. The first compromise was the date. I was just venting and sad because of it. Now, he's perked up a bit. He said now he feels better, he wanted to talk about the menu, and it was good.... But we still need counseling. And we'll do that soon. Thank you everyone!

@nikki, he doesn't want to be largely involved. It's what stresses him out. The first date we chose is before we put down a deposit. I didn't have the money so we chose a long engagement. Then I got the money, so we moved it up. We changed it again because he still wants the longer engagement. The first date was never set in stone.

22 is way, way young to be married. Get some counseling, and see where that takes you.