He pushed the date back…feeling so bummed :(

Oh damn y'all. I've been saying 22. I turned 23 last week. Lmfao. Soo I'll be 24 by the wedding, he'll be 26. Mid 20's isn't such an odd time to be married.

Beryl- so planning is stressful so his solution is to make you do it all?

Do you see what that says- he doesn't care and he is okay with YOU being stressed. that is NOT okay.

Oh the planning doesn't stress me out. It's actually lovely. I LOVE wedding planning. Like it's so much fun. Even the fact that it's farther away now isn't what bothers me..... It only bothers me because that wasn't the plan we had. I like blunt honesty. He is the kind of person who wants to make everyone happy even if he sacrifices his own. He wasn't upfront with what he wanted, and that was the problem. I only ask for his opinions on wedding planning when it concerns him—the venue, the menu, and the officiant... Almost everything else (decor, flowers, etc) he doesn't need to be there for that, but he can be if he wants to of course. I'm just a very loud and passionate person. I'm always talking about the wedding. And that is what stresses him.... So I really should tone it down.

You definitely need to have "none wedding" days where you don't talk about it. that can be enough to stress anyone out to be wedding talk none stop.

I've been gathering ideas, venues, vendors, for easily two years. Pinterest is a drug y'all. Wedding planning for real has been a blast lol. I just wish we were on the same page, and I feel like now we can try. That's why we're going to counseling.

Well it's not everyday.... Probably more like weekly-twice a week.

He mentioned he'd prefer a more monthly schedule.. Lol

Beryl, it sounds like YOU really want to get married. It doesn't sound like he does. And if he has a history of people-pleasing with you, I'd look at the signals he's putting out and be really worried he doesn't want this at all right now but is agreeing to things for your sake.

Honestly, I don't think you should have a date at all at the moment. Be engaged, but put planning on hold. Let him focus on his therapy, and the two of you should also seek counseling as a couple.

@nikki, nothing has been cancelled. I'm sorry if you misunderstood. The only vendor that I've put a deposit down on is the venue for the date. I've contacted an officiant and talked to djs.... But haven't saved or put money down on any of those. Save the dates haven't been sent either. And it wouldn't have happened for a few months anyways even if our date was still 2/16/18. The only people who know about our date is our immediate circle who lives around us and some Facebook friends who've asked when the wedding is.

@Delfina This is why I am doing the counseling with him. He tells me now he's happy now that we've changed the date, he wants to marry me, etc, but that doesn't change his uneasiness. So therapy it is.

His anxiety is something that has plagued him for years, and only recently has he gotten better. Much much better. I know he loves me and wants to be with me. But it's a grand wedding that is what makes him nervous, not the getting married part. At least that's what I'm hoping for! Once we go to counseling i'll definitely update everyone. Thank you all for offering your advice.

So if it is a "grand wedding" that is causing all of this stress and strife and anxiety, why not ditch the "grand wedding"? I'm not trying to be harsh, but do you actually want to be marry this man and be his wife for the rest of your life, or do you just want a "grand wedding"? Besides having an awesome, pinterest-y wedding, why do you want to be married to your partner? What, specifically, is there about being a wife that motivates you so strongly? How do you picture your lives together after the wedding?

I'm going to be really honest here. The more I hear about this, the more convinced I am that this is a disaster waiting to happen. You have been together with this man since you were children. Even right now, you are both still years away from fully developed brains. You have been planning a hypothetical wedding on pinterest since you were a teenager, or barely past being a teenager. Your partner is stalling for time trying to put off the wedding. None of this is a good sign.

If it was right, it wouldn't be this hard. If you are with the right person, they should be just as excited about marriage as you are. They may be more or less interested in the actual process of planning depending on their personality, but the subject should never feel taboo and you should never feel like you have to "tone it down" and avoid mentioning your own wedding to your own future husband in order to make him more comfortable. That describes a deeply broken scenario.

I am sorry to say this, and I am sure it is not what you want to hear, and I expect it will fall on deaf ears. But the more I read the more I doubt that this is a relationship that can or should be saved. Date. Mature. Grow. 10 years from now, if you are single and he is single, maybe you can reconnect in a much better place. Being young and in love is supposed to be fun and easy. If it is this difficult right now, it is not going to get any easier. You both deserve better.

@stpaulgal, I'm sorry to say you don't understand how anxiety works. He doesn't want a grand wedding. That's why we've made it smaller, decided on a restaurant, etc. I'd be fine with a GRAND elopement. I don't care about the people, I care about him. HE wants his friends there. So it wouldn't be an elopement anymore.

The subject isn't taboo. I just bring it up A LOT. I love talking about it. He'd rather talk about other subjects. I am NOT waiting 10 goddamn years to start my life are you crazy! Lol in 10 years I'll be 33! I want kids, a house, etc. I ain't doing that at 33. Thank you for you insight, I know from the outside its hard to see the whole picture. There is plenty I haven't shared. This is a very small bump in the road. But I felt like venting. Thank you everyone again for your insight!

To be honest with you, I would move on. This is not going to work out for you.

If anyone cares, I'm also a member of weddingbee. That's the forum I spend more time on so I also posted on there. The insight, although with similarities, were much more sympathetic. It's very curious to see the responses from two different places. There's also more info on this thread. Thank you everyone

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/he-pushed-the-date-back-feeling-so-bummed/

My date is also 10/6/18 I think that means it's lucky =)

On the bright side? The weather will be beautiful ! Not sure where you live, but foliage will also be gorgeous. And you get a little more time for planning.

That's the plan nikki thank you.

Caro04, it can either be really nice or really bad. It's Florida.. Lol

Are you getting married at the courthouse and the venue for a reception? It sounds like he doesn't want to have a big wedding, especially if he mentioned a courthouse wedding, but is willing to do the party to meet you half way? Sounds like a communication issue.

I agree with Nikki and the gal whose husband delayed the wedding 3 times. BIG RED FLAG!!!!

As the ladies above have mentioned, you may want to seek counseling together. Or at least a couple's self help book to work through together, just to bring up subjects to work through together and use as learning tools. However, that being said, some things never change and that's just how a person is, good or bad. My ex had the same habit of agreeing with me and rescinding later, it was a major problem. He never, not once, kept a promise (that he made or otherwise.) Anxiety can be a terrible thing, I think all of us deal with one form or another, but he also needs to realize you're going to be his life partner and respect you. Respecting you and the relationship go hand-in-hand. I truly wish the two of you the best of luck and hope everything works out as it should!