Having children not attend the reception

It's not rude to exclude children, if that's what you want. It is very rude, however, to invite guests to one part of the wedding and not the other. You are completely justified in limiting the children attending to just your nieces. However, they have to be invited to the ceremony and the reception. You can ask their parents if they would like a babysitter or offer to help them find one. But don't do it without talking to them first. Parents are well versed in handling their children, so they'll be just fine without a babysitter if they elect not to get one.

You should just not have any children in the bridal party if you don't want kids at your reception. If you asked me to dress up my son or daughter for the ceremony but I couldn't bring them to the reception, I'd just decline having them in the wedding because you're creating more of a hassle for me and you're being rude.

Also I would not leave my children with a random babysitter at a hotel away from the venue. I would just leave the reception, decline the invitation entirely, or not bring them at all, depending on the circumstances.

We are having a no kid wedding/reception. The youngest "kid" there will be my daughter (who will be a jr. bridesmaid) from a previous relationship, she's 12, and my ex will be picking her up right after dinner before the celebration part begins.

It's hard for the out of town guests who have kids in the wedding because I'm sure they want to be at the reception too, and after all, they are buying everything necessary for their kids to be in your wedding and therefore should be allowed to attend the party... tough call.

This is no better than a tiered guest list.

Thanks for the input everyone. I'm not trying to use them as props...that wasn't my intention. FH wants the 5 year old to be part of the wedding. Maybe she shouldn't but that's too late now. A huge reason why I suggested a baby sitter after cocktail hour is because I'm telling my other friends that it's an adult only reception. I would be offended if I was told that and then saw kids there. Someone told me that the rules have to be across the board even with family.

If they are in the wedding they need a reception invite, UNLESS you're super close to the parents and can possibly ask what they think. I think it would be rude to say "hey, we have a babysitter for the kids, isn't that awesome?!?" Especially since parent typically want to pick who watched their children and if they weren't expecting it it can be taken wrong. I don't think it's wrong or rude to have family children and no friends children if that even makes sense.

The parents are responsible for the kids. So you wouldn't be watching them, but the parents would be. Also, if the kid is in the wedding, then said kiddo is entitled to some food. Even if they are only at the reception for 30 mins. Feed the kiddo and the parents will do the rest..otherwise just don't have any kids in the ceremony.

im having kids at mine. Just a few. My son who is 6 and a 3 other children his age (one who is 12 yrs), who are the children of some of our closest friends. There was no way I'm excluding my son from the wedding, but also needed a few his age to play with. I plan on having a room for him and his friends where he can just play video games with a trusted babysitter who everyone knows and loves.

But as far as for all the other kids. Unless the parents ask, I'm counting them out of the list. Also, said babysitter is invited to wedding and reception. But since she is underage she has no problem leaving after dinner and making a few extra bucks

Most people have enough sense to realize that if a child is IN the wedding party, they'll be at the reception. It's not like if you had said adult reception and then invited all of your cousins' kids.

I have two nephews who will be 5 and 3 and I told my sister that I would prefer if they stay home. They can't sit for long and will be running around all night long. She agreed 100% So, your situation is definitely not rude.

Yes it is rude to tell parents that kids can be in the wedding party but not come to the reception. The parents may decide not to bring the kids, but there has to be an invitation extended according to etiquette.

It's totally fine to choose not to invite kids to the wedding. It's also fine to invite them, I even agree with Celia that it's ok to invite some kids and not others. What is not ok is inviting kids to the ceremony and not the reception. I also think it's kind of inexplicable, to say that the same kid can handle the responsibility and attention that comes with being a flower girl/ring bearer, but they can't handle being around for the reception. I've seen so many kids break down in tears on the aisle as everyone stares at them. Versus a reception where they just have to sit with their parents and eat.

Just invite your niece to the reception, people will understand that she's there because she's in the BP. If she needs to go to bed, her parents can handle taking her back to the hotel when they decide it's appropriate.

Having a child in the wedding party but not at the reception is rude.

I would hire a babysitter for the younger one, and let the parents know that when the flower girl starts to get tired, that the sitter will be available for her as well. I would let them know that it might get rowdy and you want to make sure they are enjoying themselves and not having to tend to their children.

You are using kids as props! They're 8 months old and 5, they have little to no business at a reception! I think it's perfectly fine not to have kids there.

We are thinking about having my little niece be the flower girl. she'll be 2 y/o at the time, so it will definitely be a long day for her if she were to attend the entire ceremony and reception! plus, my brother and sister in law (her parents) will both be standing up in the wedding. i am going to invite my SIL's family, so i am sure they'll be happy to keep her occupied during the ceremony, and if they decide to come to the reception.. its still far in advance so we can work something out, but i also want them to not feel like they're being invited just to babysit, because they're not.

however, no other kids will be allowed at the wedding. not really a huge issue, as we dont have a lot of young kids on either side and only a few of our friends have kids of their own at this point.

Opposite here.

He wants no kids. I plan on having ours, and feel if ours can come... so can theirs. He thinks I'm crazy.

Being a guest at weddings, I always feel like I notice kids a lot more if only one or two from the bridal party are there. They don't have any other kids to play with, so they need to act out and get the adults' attention. When there are more kids, they are able to entertain each other and don't get in the adults' way as often (to the point where I don't even remember there being kids at the wedding, but the bride assures me later they were there).

Your FH is 100% correct. Any child in the wedding party/ceremony (or invited to the ceremony/reception) needs to be invited to the reception, per the rules of etiquette.

It's perfectly acceptable to invite only your family and/or kids in the ceremony and no one else's child. The only thing you can't do is break up a family. That means that if your flower girl has a sister/brother, the sister/brother should be invited as well because it's rude to exclude a member of the family while the parents and one child are invited. Keep minor-aged siblings together and invite anyone invited to the ceremony or anyone in the ceremony and you're good.

I'm a mom-I agree we know when to tone our kids down, remove them, etc. I'm having kids at the wedding, many in the bridal party, and I have a 12 year old with lots of friends in attendance. My game plan is invite em, make a movie area and hire a babysitter to keep the rowdyness down from the big kids. Since I drive them around half the time in carpool I keep telling them my expectations are that they dance like no one is watching. And the smaller kids, they can go chill out on sharktale in another area of the venue.

I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting kids at the reception. It makes sense to have them in the ceremony, that's just how it goes. Lots of people request no children at the reception - it's like an actual thing that you find in wedding planning apps and books - the question of whether to allow children or not. I wouldn't feel bad about it, especially if you offer to pay for a babysitter to watch the kids in the hotel. Let them rent a movie or video games or something. Don't feel bad.

I'm allowing kids at my reception, but at the end of the day, most of the people I know who have kids (some of which are in my wedding party) said they'd rather leave the kids at home or take them home after the ceremony. Don't let people make you feel like a bad person for having a person preference that's not in line with their own.