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Champion July 2019

Having a Hard Time

Veronica, on August 26, 2019 at 9:32 AM

Posted in Family and Relationships 49

My brother-in-law is getting married this Saturday which is exactly 6 weeks after our wedding. I am having a hard time with this because his fiancee has copied a lot of our ideas for their wedding. We had gotten engaged 2 days apart which I wasn't thrilled about. When we first got engaged, I said I...
My brother-in-law is getting married this Saturday which is exactly 6 weeks after our wedding. I am having a hard time with this because his fiancee has copied a lot of our ideas for their wedding. We had gotten engaged 2 days apart which I wasn't thrilled about. When we first got engaged, I said I wanted to get married in September and within 2 hours she told us they were getting married in September. She also told us their wedding color was red, which was the color my husband and I had picked out for our wedding way before we got engaged since that is the color of his favorite hockey team and she knew that. So we picked a different theme and everything, but then she changed the color for their wedding so we went back to red as our color. We also decided to get married in July instead of September since they told us that's when they were going to be getting married. Fast forward, we started planning our wedding. She had mentioned she liked the idea of using photos of them as children with numbers as their table numbers which was an idea I had so I decided not to do that since they were going to. Instead, we had a video created with photos of us growing up. She has now decided she likes that idea better and is going to do that for their wedding too. Her and I were discussing invitations the one day and she picked ones almost identical to what I told her I planned on using for our invitations so I looked for other ones so that they wouldn't be nearly the same thing. She also told me a few weeks prior to our wedding that they hadn't decided on programs but suddenly after our wedding she tells me that they had picked out programs that are nearly identical to ours and she said they picked them out months ago so she either lied when she told me they didn't pick anything out or she lied and they picked them out after seeing ours. They also couldn't decide on what to do for their unity ceremony and are now doing something very similar to our sand ceremony. I just don't understand why she can't seem to come up with her own ideas. It is like I have an idea and suddenly she wants to do it too. It makes me feel like our wedding isn't as special as it was supposed to be because they are doing similar things to ours. My husband told me I just need to let it go, but it's hard when I worked my ass off planning the wedding and had dreamed of my wedding since I was a little girl.
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49 Comments

  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    She said she doesn't know who should be in what photos together so she wanted to use our photos as an idea.
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  • Heather
    Expert August 2020
    Heather ·
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    Let it go. Your wedding was first so it will look to others as though she copied you. Also, if she kept taking your ideas, you really should have stopped telling her your ideas and kept it between you and your husband and your bridal party. That being said, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, because it can be really annoying to have someone copy your every move.
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  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·
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    OMG... THIS!! FH and I decided we wanted to start trying pretty soon after our wedding (we already have 1 and want more for sure). She was freaking out because if we magically conceived right after our wedding it would be very close to when shes going on a 3 week vacation. Best of luck! Stand firm. As for all the other stuff, like PP mentions, let it go. She will look like she copied you. I pulled some of my favorite things from weddings I have been too and did them because I enjoyed them so much. Its nothing to be worried about honestly.

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  • Nicole
    Super October 2021
    Nicole ·
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    I think your husband is right. Just let it go. Your wedding was first, if anything the cross over family members will question why SHE had so many of the same things. You don't have to worry.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I stopped sharing ideas because I didn't want her coping. She asked me about what we were doing for almost everything. From like what kind of cake topper, to music, to what we got our bridal party. I just told her I found stuff on Pinterest or Esty that we liked. I never actually told her what we were doing because I know she copies.
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  • Concetta
    Super March 2020
    Concetta ·
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    It is annoying that she is copying you, but your wedding was first so she will just look like a copy cat Smiley smile deep breaths and let it go

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  • Erin
    VIP September 2023
    Erin ·
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    Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Clearly your ideas were so good she wanted to use them too. I’d say let it go, the wedding is just one day in the rest of your lives. She’ll be in your life forever, and it’s not worth ruining relationships over. I understand where you’re coming from, and why you’re frustrated, but do you really want to have to sit at the table across from her at family holiday dinners still fuming because she stole your ideas for your wedding years prior, instead of enjoying the time with your family?
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Have a baby when you want! If we had to plan a family around my mil's vacations we would never have a family because she goes on vacation 3-4 times a year. I understand liking things some things but she seems to want to do everything the same. We had a candy bar at our wedding and so did my brother, but ours was very different from his. Our matched the theme of our wedding so red and his matched his which was blue. We also had completely different types of candy and had to it laid out differently. I also asked the bride and groom if they cared if we had a candy bar and they didn't. I just made sure ours was different enough from theirs.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I don't. It is just really upsetting to me that she can't make her own decisions without having to copy ours.
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  • Erin
    VIP September 2023
    Erin ·
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    I completely understand that. And I think you’re right to be upset and frustrated, but also that it’s not worth holding onto for long. Feel your feelings, and then move forward with your knowledge of what she’s like and what you CAN do about it, and make peace in any way you can. I guess you could say be the bigger person.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I'm trying to be. I will definitely be keeping other plans from her like what we want to name our children. I feel bad being this way because she is a nice person but sadly she doesn't seen to be able to come up with stuff on her own.
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  • Desiree
    Super March 2020
    Desiree ·
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    I agree. She's a copy cat, and that sucks - it would make me beyond mad too. (Sometimes I really let myself feel the rage too, no shame in that.) But at least your wedding is first. So rest assured yours will undoubtedly feel more genuine, and you beat her to the punch. Do your best to not let this make a lasting impression on your big day though. She shouldn't be allowed to have a negative impact on your big day.

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  • thisismrsb
    Expert June 2019
    thisismrsb ·
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    My brother in law and two of his three brothers all proposed to their girlfriends within a month of each other. Their weddings were all six months apart. I'm sure that many ideas were shared or emulated between my sister and her sisters-in-law.

    As for my wedding; we hired the same band that my sister had (and got a return customer discount), the same florist, and my venue was actually her second choice. When it was time to design our programs, she sent us the template that she had designed herself back in 2012 so that all we had to do was replace the names on it to make it our own. Yes, our weddings were seven years apart, but she has been so helpful in helping me keep my head on straight throughout the process, dealing with our mother when I couldn't, and helping me make decisions.

    It sounds like it could be possible that this girl clearly loves your ideas and wants to include them in her own wedding. Maybe, in her mind, the two of you have been planning your weddings together. Sometimes copying really is the best form of flattery.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    I think you need to think more like an adult. There is no prize for having everything in a wedding different from someone else's wedding. . If you did not want her to know what you were doing, after the first time you thought she copied something, you could have not talked about your plans. Once you talk to others about some very good idea, in social things, you can pretty much forget being the only one to do it. It has been your choice to talk, so take responsibility for anyone you talked to doing something similar. When people like what they see or hear, they often I corporate it into what they are doing. That is how popularity in films, and foods, and restaurants, and the entire fashion industry works, and social entertaining too. You are not a kid, who can say "mine" about any thing or idea, and claim it for yourself alone to use, as kids and teens do. You need to accept that . Who cares what your brother in law's wedding looks like, 6 weeks after yours? You briefly used certain decorating ideas, then shaped and changed them, after looking at a lot of possible choices. Not original. Now your wedding is done. Let it go. You are never going to ride that bike again, so do not begrudge someone else riding it now.
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  • A
    Devoted September 2020
    Anna ·
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    Stop sharing your planning and ideas with her
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I didn't share ideas with her after she copied our wedding invitations. As for the stuff before that, she knew we were planning on using red because that is my husband's favorite color. She found out about the other stuff at our wedding.

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  • A
    Devoted September 2020
    Anna ·
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    Don’t they say imitation is the greatest form of flattery? Lol
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I didn't talk to her about my plans after I realized she was coping. She would message me and I would help give her advice, but I always made sure to suggest things that were different from our wedding or just give very broad answers like I found my cake topper online. I don't think wanting things to be unique is a bad thing. I just think they could do things that reflect their personalities more rather than mine especially because her and I are actually nothing like. I am a girly girl whereas she is a total tomboy. I'm not saying I can claim every idea, but when she starts doing a ton of stuff the same it is annoying.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I am trying my best. I guess from now on I will have to be very careful of the things I tell her or my brother-in-law.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Yes, they do. I am just upset because I thought they would do things that were unique to them as a couple like we did rather than coping stuff from us. I am hoping that even though they are coping that the stuff is different enough or that guests aren't pointing out how similar our weddings are. I didn't want our weddings so close because I was worried people would compare the two of them.

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