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Champion July 2019

Having a Hard Time

Veronica, on August 26, 2019 at 9:32 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 49
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My brother-in-law is getting married this Saturday which is exactly 6 weeks after our wedding. I am having a hard time with this because his fiancee has copied a lot of our ideas for their wedding. We had gotten engaged 2 days apart which I wasn't thrilled about. When we first got engaged, I said I wanted to get married in September and within 2 hours she told us they were getting married in September. She also told us their wedding color was red, which was the color my husband and I had picked out for our wedding way before we got engaged since that is the color of his favorite hockey team and she knew that. So we picked a different theme and everything, but then she changed the color for their wedding so we went back to red as our color. We also decided to get married in July instead of September since they told us that's when they were going to be getting married. Fast forward, we started planning our wedding. She had mentioned she liked the idea of using photos of them as children with numbers as their table numbers which was an idea I had so I decided not to do that since they were going to. Instead, we had a video created with photos of us growing up. She has now decided she likes that idea better and is going to do that for their wedding too. Her and I were discussing invitations the one day and she picked ones almost identical to what I told her I planned on using for our invitations so I looked for other ones so that they wouldn't be nearly the same thing. She also told me a few weeks prior to our wedding that they hadn't decided on programs but suddenly after our wedding she tells me that they had picked out programs that are nearly identical to ours and she said they picked them out months ago so she either lied when she told me they didn't pick anything out or she lied and they picked them out after seeing ours. They also couldn't decide on what to do for their unity ceremony and are now doing something very similar to our sand ceremony. I just don't understand why she can't seem to come up with her own ideas. It is like I have an idea and suddenly she wants to do it too. It makes me feel like our wedding isn't as special as it was supposed to be because they are doing similar things to ours. My husband told me I just need to let it go, but it's hard when I worked my ass off planning the wedding and had dreamed of my wedding since I was a little girl.

49 Comments

Latest activity by Veronica, on August 28, 2019 at 6:33 PM
  • TobeWed
    Savvy August 2020
    TobeWed ·
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    Let it go, you had the wedding of your dreams and its not going to look bad on you that she;s copied a lot of your details. Maybe she saw your wedding, fell in love and wanted to have something as magical as yours. I don't condone blatant copying and I understand your upset, but you wont be the one looking somewhat foolish here. Be happy for her, and when (if) you're planning a baby shower, tell her nothing hahah

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I will make sure she knows nothing. I have already told my husband she isn't to even know what we want to name our children.
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  • Sara
    Super October 2019
    Sara ·
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    Yeah, it kind of sucks that she's copying you, but at least your wedding came first so you got to have the unique wedding, and hers will look like a knock off

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  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
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    I think you're husband is right, you have to let it go. You had your wedding first, so if anyone does notice the similarities they'd figure she copied you. Honestly though, all anyone cares about is the food and music so most overlapped guests won't think twice about what extras you had compared to her.


    And I definitely think you should avoid telling her any ideas about anything you plan in the future. Like you mentioned, NEVER tell her ideas for your kids names or anything like that!

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I think part of the problem is that my mother-in-law told her that our wedding be so must better than theirs so now they feel the need to copy or compete with ours.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Let it go. Maybe she’s copying you, maybe she likes the things you like. Either way it isn’t really relevant if your wedding already happened. You continued sharing things with her when you already knew she was copying what you were doing. It isn’t worth getting upset over and if you’re noticeably upset at their wedding, you’ll look like the foolish one instead of her.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    So why are you not mad at your MIL? She’s clearly turned this into a competition between her children.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I'm not happy with her either. She has been driving me crazy for months now especially because she seems to think she can control when we have children because she is going on vacation and doesn't want to miss the birth of her grandchild so she is telling us when we can conceive.
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    None Of This Matters

    different people have different weddings no matter what, even if everything was planned the same.

    my brother and I had weddings 6 weeks apart. Totally cool in my book. It was PLENTY of time in between and for me it was SOFREAKING awesome to get to see everyone again so soon after my wedding bc mine felt like a whirlwind and at his, I actually got to relax and visit with everyone and it was amazing!

    thematically our weddings were very similar— we both had beach weddings and they just lend themselves to certain things , and a couple ideas we had were EXACTLY the same. Colors were similar — and heck, we even SHARED some decorations - I was happy to pass along my seaglass after we were done !

    The things is, our weddings were S O different. Despite the thematic overlap: we are very different, so our overall styles were different along with vibe and certain choices. Not only that, but the CROWD was different. Of course there was some overlap on my side, but we each had our SOs whole family and our own friend circles and it really makes for a different crew. Comparing the 2 weddings is like comparing apples to oranges. They’re very different, don’t affect eachother, and have very little to do with one another even if some things over lap.

    it really is not worth worrying about. And to be hung up on it, post your wedding, it seems like you’re losing sight of the important parts of your wedding....which have nothing to do things like color scheme, and everything to do with celebrating love, with your marriage, with everyone who came out to support you. Don’t lose sight of that. That’s all the matters when the day is done.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I actually didn't continue sharing things with her. She didn't know about a lot of the stuff we did for our wedding unitl the our wedding day.
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  • Jennifer
    Super September 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    😂 I am not laughing at you. I am laughing at how insane the MIL must be to say something like that and my reaction would be laughing right in her face. Someone needs to put her in check hardcore... like her actual children, maybe?
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    They try. She literally said to me your husband told me you guys aren't going to to stop trying to have a baby but I'd really like you guys not to have sex for the whole month of November. I looked at her like she was nuts.
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  • Jennifer
    Super September 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    It sounds like she is, unfortunately. Like why are you in your son's sex life business? I couldn't do it. You're certain to earn a free pass to heaven for this cross you'll be carrying.

    (I'm not religious, but seriously... you'd have to be a saint to deal with someone like this).
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    She wasn't like this until we got engaged. It has taken a lot of patience for me not to yell at her.
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  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
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    Id let it go, she might be copying you, she might just like your ideas, or she might just have no ideas of her own. With the world we live in, everyones weddings are copied, pinterest it a huge part of it and alot of weddings have the same decor or design.
    Your wedding was first, and if she is doing similar things as yours then guests will realize it. You had your wedding and there is not much you can do about it
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    It is just really annoying how little of originality she has. She even asked us to send her our list of photos we choose to have taken because she wasn't sure what photos she wanted.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I also looked at her Pinterest even though we don't follow each other and none of the stuff she has pinned looks anything like our wedding yet she is still coping stuff.
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  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
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    Okay. I find that really odd. To ask for a list of photos? Something like that she could talk to her photographer, look on pinterest. I could see if she asked for your family guest list or for some addresses since you will be sharing family, but photos. Thats just odd
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  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
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    Maybe reach out to her and just say i noticed you are asking for alot of ideas and the kind of choosing everything we did for our wedding. Maybe offer to spend some time with her and help her come with her own ideas
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Her attitude is if they are similar oh well. She doesn't care that she is coping.
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