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Erika
Just Said Yes July 2020

Having a divorce family and dealing with wedding day

Erika, on June 20, 2020 at 7:25 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13

So like the title suggests, parents are divorced and haven't talked in years. My dad is remarried, but mom is not. My mom mainly raised me and I'm way closer to her, but normal wedding traditions don't really honor moms all that much, it seems like more emphasis is on the dad. I thought about having both her and my dad walk me down my aisle, but we ultimately decided that would be awkward and my dad would be hurt. Is there anything anyone has done to honor/recognize their moms in the past or planning on doing? I also don't want to hurt my stepmoms feelings because she has been apart of my life since I was 2.

Right now, planning on having my mom light the unity candle, but want to do something else as well. She deserves more and I can tell she is a little sad not getting recognized more lol.

Thanks in advance, I appreciate any help!

13 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on June 23, 2020 at 11:14 AM
  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    My mom and my husbands dad did the readings in our ceremony.
    You can ask her what she might like to do.
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  • Erika
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Erika ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Thats a good idea..didn't think about the readings. Thanks!

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  • Mrs. S
    Super November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    Everyone in my family is divorced. I had my mom and mil light the unity candles and they thought it was a huge honor to be part of the ceremony. My brother walked my mom down the aisle and she had a reserved seat up front, and my husband walked his mother and she had a reserved seat in the front too. We got them gifts and corsages, names in the program. We took special getting ready photos. Made them photo albums and had prints made afterward. I don’t think there’s anything else I could have done.
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  • Mik
    Savvy October 2021
    Mik ·
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    My parents are not divorced, but my father is unfortunately no longer with us. I am having my mother walk me down the aisle in his place. That might be a great way to honor your mother
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  • A
    Super October 2021
    Ashley ·
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    My step siblings had this issue. My step sister did have both parents walk her down the aisle. Her father (my step father) was fine with it because it was what she wanted.
    I plan to do what my sister in law did and walk down by myself. For me, it’s because I hate the tradition. For her, it was because she did not want to pick a parent over the other. (Her aisle wasn’t very wide so walking with both would’ve been an awkward fit.)
    Do whatever you feel will work best for your wedding and your situation!
    • Reply
  • Fany
    Devoted October 2021
    Fany ·
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    With all due respect, it's your future spouse and your day. If you would like to have both of your parents walk you down, then tou should do that. It will only be awkward if you and your parents allow it to be. I know you ro not want to hurt your father but you shouldn't allow his insecurity to impact your wedding. You mentioned that your mom was the one who mainly raised you?! Some ppl in that situation wouldn't even allow their dad to walk them down if he was not one of the primary caregivers during childhood. Having both parents walk you down should not hurt your dad unless he's insecure.


    My dad raised me but has been estranged from my sister and I (his choice) since I was 20. I see him about twice a year for an hour at a restaurant for our bi annual brunch. I've decided that he won't be walking me down at all.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I like the idea of doing special first look photos with parents. I see people do it with fathers a lot so you could do it with your mother
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  • L
    Expert September 2020
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    Mine are divorced and I had both parents walk me down the aisle, they both appreciated the gesture and it wasnt awkward at all! Can you make her your matron of honor? Theres a lot of ways you can include her that way
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  • riley
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    riley ·
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    My parents are divorced as well, and my mom is WAY more active in my life than my dad and I was battling this same issue! Honestly, I’m including my mom and if my dad is uncomfortable he can drop out of walking me down the aisle. My mom has done all the work and gets no moment of recognition, and that just didn’t feel right to me. I’ve even considered having a mother/daughter dance instead of the traditional father/daughter. You have to do what’s right for you. When you look back on the day, what do you want to remember?
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  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie ·
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    I had both of my parents walk me down the aisle. Dad was a bit taken aback at first, but knows how close my mom and I are, and he was totally understanding. We did a father/daughter dance later. They did separate speeches too. Everyone was cordial and had a great time. I made seating charts to give them a buffer with family and friends between them, but I think that was unnecessary (but appreciated). They spoke together a lot that night since they were both so proud of the daughter they had together
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  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    I agree with Tiffany. Don’t let your fathers insecurities have an impact on your wedding day. You even said your mom is sad that she isn’t recognized more so why let your father’s feelings outweigh your mother’s? If you want them both to walk you down the aisle then do that. If dad can’t get over himself and recognize that your mother deserves that honor as much, if not more than him, then that’s his issue not yours. They are adults and they need to act like adults.
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  • Izzykern
    Super April 2021
    Izzykern ·
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    Preaching to the choir here. Both mine and my FH parents are divorced and remarried so it can get quite complicated. We are involving each parent in different ways and being intentional about how we do the professional to include everyone equally. There are a lot of places to include different parental figures such as the walk down the aisle, the walk up the aisle, getting ready photos, first look photos, dances, and speeches!
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Have her welcome people at dinner, talk just 2 minutes, then offer the first toast. If Dad is walking with you, and you are dancing with him. Mom's are rather ceremoniously seated, after all guests, grands, then any step, then last and most important MOG and MOB, with their husband or date walking behind mother an usher. This, just before the processional music starts. So eyes are pretty much on Mom then. Mom's are usually included, and a pic taken, in putting on any veil. You may do something nice, like invite her and 2-3 frinds of hers to lunch or dinner, in the month or two before the wedding. A mother daughter thing. And with friends who will make a big deal of it, later. They don't have to be involved in any other wedding thing, as this would be to honor her. A milestone in life: Mom's baby is grown and getting married.
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