Has someone had an upset 'friend' for not being invited

First of all, it doesn't sounds like your FH has your back. If you were truly uncomfortable, he should have been the one to talk to her. Second, You handled it all wrong. Like the other PP's said, she knows she got to you. The first rule of exes is to never let them know that. Third, we invited both my ex and my DH ex. We are friendly and most of all, we are adults. I disagree with the notion that all exes must not be invited to the wedding. That might work for you, but again, we invited ours and I was happy to do so.

Well I'm 39, so I don't have boyfriends from high school that I keep in touch with. Hell, I don't even remember their names.

So anyone that I dated several years ago is 1) not a friend and 2) not coming to the wedding. Same for FH.

This topic doesn't apply to all. If you're okay with having someone who knows your FH's or FW's insides at your wedding, then good for you. If you're not, then good for you too.

MOVING ON.

OP: Let it go. If she's not invited, then she's not invited. Don't give this any more thought and don't let this woman live rent-free in your head.

ETA: words

@JoRocka: my mom used to say not to let people live rent-free in my head!

High school was high school. In the last 2 years I have attended 2 exes weddings. I am Godmother to one of their children. I don't see the big deal. When his brother got married fh's ex fiancée was there and we all managed to adult. They have both grown and moved on and if we lived closer I could us being social with her and her husband.

I agree - you started this drama. SO what if she was like OH she doesn't trust you? Who cares what some girl you don't have a relationship with and FH is hardly friends with thinks?

What FH should have said is "I am sorry we are having a small wedding with close friends and family, we could not invite everyone we would have liked to" BAM done.

Well in my opinion, I don't care when the relationship was from or not. If I have slept with them dated casually seriously whatever they are not invited to the wedding. Same for FH. I am not into exes coming to weddings in general its weird. The only reason they would be there is if someone is not over the person, your rubbing it in their face, or your still too close to be appropriate. He should have been the one to reply to her if either of you was going to say anything at all. Cut off the rest of conversation with her, Shes not invited its done.

We had two of Hubby's exes at our wedding so I am not one to see a problem with that. My favorite of his exes couldn't make it and that made me sad. Still, if she's not invited, the thing to do is not send an invite and deflect all questions about why she isn't invited. It's too late to not engage with her but just let it go. Don't respond anymore. She can feel hurt that she wasn't invited but there is nothing she can do at this point aside from end her friendship with your FH and if it was so important to him, I assume he would have tried to get you to invite her.

Follow up - are you sure your FH did not care if she was there? It seems like he dumped a lot of drama into your lap on this one....

@NowPartyof2 See, I don't get this line of thinking.

Why can't people date and stay friends after? There is another reason for exes to attend a wedding. It is the same reason everyone goes to a wedding, to celebrate the fact that someone they cared about has found the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Hubby and I attended the wedding of his first girlfriend. She attended ours 3 months later. Also at the wedding, was his high school girlfriend who has a boyfriend and 3 kids. Another ex did not show up because her boyfriend felt it was inappropriate to attend the wedding of an ex. We all think he is a controlling creep. We've lost touch with her because of that guy, but I can only hope she's gotten away from him.

I only have two exes and they were bad breakups so they weren't invited but I did invite a guy I was seeing before I met my husband.

All these people were invited because they are important to us, both outside of our relationship and as part of the relationship.

In no way shape or form is an ex invited to the wedding I am sorry just no. He should have nipped that in the bud as soon as she brought it up. This chick has no respect for boundaries and your FH shouldn't be talking to her anyway why are they even friends on social media

Oh hell nahhhhh

And your FH is being neutral on this? No no no. I wouldn't put up with that for a second lol.

@Crystal, I just don't think its appropriate. All of my previous relationships have been long term and quite serious. To me after a relationship reaches a certain point a true friendship is not possible after because an inappropriate level of intimacy would be there. I still care about my exes and wish them and their families well but I have no desire to invite them to my wedding or attend theirs. In my opinion it is disrespectful to your spouse having a person there that you shared a deep intimate relationship with. I also do not see point in being friends with serious exes unless you have children involved and need to co parent. A break up is a BREAK UP. When you break up in a relationship the friendship goes with it because at the base of every relationship is a friendship.....

I agree I probably should've let it go, but at the time I felt like she was going over the line by saying I don't trust him and acted in the heat at the moment.

FH completely understands my reason for not wanting her there and told her she couldn't come. He just said I should reply myself to her about the not trusting part because he felt there was no need for confrontation because she probably just wanted to come because she is a nice person, and I should probably have listened to him. He said he doesn't care if they are or not friends anymore, and if this is the way she feels it's her problem.

I really don't feel comfortable on having her there, as opposed as some of you that had exs at your weddings I have never seen her in person or had an actual conversation with her so I would rather not have to meet and deal with her for the first time on my wedding

I guess we see things differently. Part of the reason my hubby and i are together is because we both believe that our prior relationships made us who we are today and unless it was a bad breakup, there is no reason those people cannot be a part of our lives. I don't believe that just because someone stopped being a compatible partner, doesn't mean they cannot be a good friend. And so far, that has worked out for us. There are exes I don't want in my life and there are exes he doesn't want in his but those are the exception, not the rule.

When Hubby and I had only been together a year or two, he hadn't even seen one of his exes in a few years but we were all facebook friends. She posted about breaking up with her longterm boyfriend and so I invited her over for pizza and drinks while hubby was at work so she could get out of the house. She came, we talked about relationships in general and when he got home, we all hung out. It was fun. I like her a lot and I can see why they used to date. But the thing is, their whole dating thing is in the past.

Carolina if you don't want her at your wedding and your FH doesn't care then don't stress it. But if she tried to contact you again, just ignore her.

Your FH shouldnt have told you anything negative said about you. I would rethink for that reason alone.

You shouldn't have brought it up to her at all. You don't contact people you're not inviting. It's creepy IMO.

@crystal I guess we do just see differently on that. I have no problem being fb friends with exes or other social media, forcing people to delete other people is petty, but I dont see social media as real relationships. Just actual relationships in real life to me is too intimate for exes. I do agree with you though that exes do help form the person you are today.

She's threatening her friendship with him because she's not invited to your wedding? That's beyond childish.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all that craziness! I would get over it and move on. If something is brought up again, FH should address the problem. Don't allow yourself to dwell on it and make a bigger issue out of it.