Guests that didn't give a gift

I've heard this happen to a friend or two of mine and it is TERRIBLELY disgusting and poor taste to show up to someone's wedding and eat and drink on their behalf and NOT wish them blessings by giving them a wedding gift!!! The newlyweds are trying to start a new life together and people show up with nothing?!? They should be ashamed of themselves and embarrassed because word will get out on how royally cheap and low they are for doing that!! I agree with the fact that if you can't afford to attend a wedding, then you DON"T go! Don't put the couple in debt for paying for you and not reciprocate with a little something...whatever you can afford! Times are tough....but with save the dates sent and provided enough notice to attend a wedding, then you have/had time time to save at least a little something for the new married couple! These people obviously were not brought up right. My mother would kill me showing up to someones house for dinner empty handed, let alone a wedding!!!!

OK, I'm kind of surprised this is such a controversy. Seems like pretty basic etiquette to me...when someone invites me over to dinner, I bring a bottle of wine to the hostess. A wedding is the same thing. Actually, it's an even more elaborate dinner party. If I don't bring a bottle of wine, I bring flowers or an appetizer. If I can't afford something, at least a card would suffice.

No, a wedding is not a gift grab. But the hostess (bride) sure does go through a lot of trouble putting on a fabulous event and spends a lot of money for something special to her invited guests. The least someone could do is show some appreciation with a small note of Congratulations.

This happened to me at my wedding and yes, I'm peeved at those who didn't even bother to bring a card. It is totally tacky and I would be mortified to show up somewhere, especially a wedding, empty handed. A card is $3, regifting something is free...there are always ideas if money really is the issue.

We had 110 rsvps, 10 no shows, and I'm sending 30 thank you notes for gifts (many are from couples or groups, so it comes to about 55 people giving a gift or signing a card). Most gits were in the $20/guest range, but I'm glad most of the guests showed up. It was a very guest-centric wedding as well. My reaction was a to be a little dissapointed (I even provided cards for people to write us a note at the wedding, so if nothing else that was an option, and I was mentally counting cards as gifts because they indicate some level of effort) and an awareness of how generous I am when providing gifts to the couples who include me in their special day. I definetely learned something, and I think my parents were a little surprised as well given the effort that went into it all. ah well. best to you!

Yeah, my daughter just got married and I only have one brother. Imagine my shock and disappointment when he and his three children ( grown adults) and thier bf's and gf's didn't even leave them with a card. How rude, insulting, and hurtful can someone you thought was that close to you be!!! Of course, they could make arrangements ahead of time to stay in a hotel (that they didn't need) , pay for a taxi to the hotel (only because they were the only ones that wanted to drink like fish at the reception), ect., but couldn't even bring a card!!! I mean, you can get a card at the Dollar Store for a buck or a card at Goodwill for less than that. It's the point that you thought for a second about the people that the day was for and not just about yourselves and your new haircut or the new dress you bought. Some people are just so self centered they just can't think about anyone but themselves and what a__holes they are!!!

Yup! This happened to us. I had a few people come and didn't leave so much as a card. I had one person not show up and not call. I know that is $300.00 down the drain. One person and her plus one couldn't make it do it health issues and canceled the day of... let's see what happens. One ditched me for the world series but still mailed a card with a cheque. One person couldn't make it and hand delivered the day before a card and cheque to the venue. Now that's class!

Thankfully we're not the only ones dealing with this! we have maybe 10 people unaccounted for, (i like to make a list and write down what people got us, so i can reference it when writing thank you notes) and some of them are really close friends! I told people we didn't want anything, but said we had a card station, and we don't even have cards from these people? i am TERRIFIED something happened to the cards, because it makes no sense at all. Should i just send thank you's thanking them for coming? There's really no tactful way to ask if someone got you a card/gift, is there??

We just recently got married and 50 percent of people did not bring gifts, nothing, not even a card saying congratulations. I'm just shocked, I cannot imagine attending a wedding and bringing nothing. It just would make me feel terrible and incredibly cheap. We received 1 gift out of 10 of the wedding party. I paid for all my girls hair, makeup, nails and gave plane vouchers worth 200 and of course gift bags but got nothing in return. It's just unsettling. At their weddings, I paid for all the travel, the hair, makeup, and a much more expensive bridesmaid dress. I also purchased a shower and wedding gifts and was struggling in college to do so. Now everyone is in their 30s. Immediately family did not even bring us a gift. 32 out of 72 people gave us a gift. And the ones who didnt bring a gift brought extra people for a sit down dinner and open bar. It's just like how do you act in front of these people in the future. Just smile and feel awkward.

I know a wedding gift is not mandatory but is correct etiquette. However I do think that a family of 4-6 adults/teenagers/children who attend should absolutely be obliged to gift a monetary cash gift to at least cover a little bit of their cost for attending. What to do … call them out?

Yes, in a different way ..... After my sister's 2 son's got married they both received a very generous gifts from us . When my daughter got married she got nothing not even a card . My grown children always sent Thank You notes , when they received a gift . Now that the 3rd son will getting married soon ... I don't know what to do ..... should I stoop to her level , or just give a card with nothing in it .... or just give a generous gift a be the better person .

I'm never one to show up empty handed to anything, ESPECIALLY a wedding now because I know full well how expensive everything is. I was very surprised at how many people didn't bring anything or who RSVP'd yes and never showed or said anything afterwards. It was very odd to me but nonetheless, I had the perfect day with everyone I loved so I try to just remember that when I start to feel annoyed haha

I recently got married and am a little peeved about a friend. She and her husband were invited, but her husband couldn't attend at the last minute and they didn't give a gift...or card! Mind you, I got her a gift for her bridal shower, a gift for their wedding which I couldn't attend and a gift for her baby shower. I'm just annoyed and trying to get over it.

I wrote thank you notes to everyone including those who didn’t give gifts and those who gave anything big or small (we had gifts as small as a $15 amazon card and as large as a generous $1000 check from my grandfather). I know etiquette goes back and forth on whether you should send notes to those who didn’t gift you, but I decided to say screw etiquette and did it anyway because I wanted my guests to get the photo we were sending out and to thank them for being there to celebrate with us at all. Before I sent those cards out I think we had 3 or 4 people who hadn’t given a gift and after the card they did actually send gifts or end up mentioning they had gotten something but it hadn’t arrived yet. The thank you notes were never meant to be pushy or make them feel guilty for not getting us anything, we just wanted to make sure each and every guest knew it meant a lot to us that they were there.