Guests complaining about destination wedding

They shouldn't complain to you but you also cannot assume they want to spend their money, time, etc to come to your wedding.

Oye. I understand people not coming, but to actually TELL you that it's a hassle? How disrespectful. I'm so sorry you have some inconsiderate friends/relative. Geez.

If it was me I would say to them - I really don't want anyone to be at my wedding who feels inconvenienced by it.

For me, my family and friends live all over the country. I live in Michigan, but only for the past 3 years and I don't feel any special connection to this place. My parents and sister are in Illinois, brother in Texas, grandparents in Ohio and Israel, aunts and uncles in New Jersey, Pennsylvania, New York, etc. And my friends are scattered everywhere. My FH's family is in Canada and India. For me, no matter where I chose it would be a destination wedding for pretty much everyone, so I chose my favorite place ever, Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming.

My wedding will be pretty small, the guest list is only about 80 people. I do realize that having a destination wedding means that many people might not be able to attend, but most that I have told are really excited and planning vacations around my wedding. In the end, I will be happy regardless of who is able to join me.

While I don't agree with the rudeness (especially from your own father), personally I would most likely never attend a DW out of country unless it was a couple I was really, really close with. FH and I are not the "all-inclusive vacation" type, and to have to spend thousands of dollars to go on a trip we wouldn't ever go on normally doesn't sound like our cup of tea. Not to mention using up work vacation time to do it.

That being said, we are having a semi-DW but everyone except for maybe 6 or 7 people have to travel for our wedding anyways, so we decided to have it where we wanted, which is 4 hrs away. It's much less stressful planning a wedding where everything is happening all at one place, and people are excited to check out somewhere they haven't been before.

Some great suggestions! Thank You! However the wedding is in Florida....no huge hassle to get there( in my opinion) ...and I have a travel agent booking rooms for anyone who wants to use her...I also plan to provide a free shuttle for guests to and from the airport ...We invited 120 and am hoping for 50 to come ...we chose a destination wedding because the venue is very special to us ...I never thought I would regret it...

I am having a DW in New Orleans this October, several sickly family members have said they cant make it on my side, but my FI's family are being terrible about it and are acting selfish about not attending when they travel VERY frequently and can afford it (you can drive to NOLA from NY or PA or VA, which is where our family is from. and we drive from NY to Nola once a year for vacation and the price is very inexpensive.) We started telling family "Pretend we live there, pretend its not a destination wedding for one moment...if we LIVED there would you still be complaining or would you simply do what you could to attend?" This really put things in perspective and got several naysayers on board. At the end of the day it's about the Bride and Groom and their choice. We LOVE New Orleans and feel happiest when we are there and its also where we got engaged, its special and we want those we love to experience that with us as we become husband and wife, and to the people who cant make it or wont make it, were sorry but the show must go on.

Here's the deal: You prioritized the destination and deprioritized celebrating with your friends and family. If the priority were celebrating your upcoming marriage with your people, you'd be getting married near home. But you aren't. So regardless of the reason your guests don't want to travel, they don't have to and they don't owe you an excuse. The same as you don't owe them an excuse for why you are getting married in a destination outside of your home. You can do whatever you want, but so can they. For you - the destination took priority. They'll come if they want and if not, you don't have any more of a right to be upset with them than they do with you for getting married far away.

I had a destination wedding and we invited around 75 and 42 came. So we're happy. We chose a venue where both of our families can drive so we chose somewhere in the middle. Destin in the middle of NC (his side) and TX/Nola(my side). We saved them costs of flying. Also, we hosted a welcome party the night before, and we made our wedding special and splurged on foods, drinks and entertainment. So having a destination wedding doesn't necessarily mean we picked the place for us, but we picked a place where it's convenient to both of our sides of our families and friends. Picking one state would make the family have more hassle, so we picked the middle where they can also spend a mini vacation and still have some fun.

Its rude of them to comment. They should just decline. There are many reasons why they may not want to attend. They may not want to blow through vacation time. If they are doctors in private practice, they may need to arrange coverage.

Although it is difficult to attend a destination wedding (cost, child care, pet boarding, taking off work, etc.), an out-of-state dw is very doable, so I think they're acting childishly about it, honestly. The people who want to come will, and it sounds like you've tried to make the booking process easier. I hope they realize this is an event they don't want to miss, no matter the hassle.

Traditionally, people have rarely had to pay the price of a vacation , to attend a wedding, and a lot of people resent having to do so with this recent trend of destination weddings. We are definitely not attending 2 this summer and one in the fall. We already have planned to go to 3 within a 3 hour drive, 2 local, and ,2 of hubby's nieces 5-6 hour drive. Each near about 60-70 percent of guests. But we cannot afford husband's brother's in Ireland, and only 2 of all 13 of the groom's siblings, and neither any grandparents, nor over 20 aunt and uncle couples will go. And his bride is angry. And hubby's favorite nephew, who lives an hour away, almost all guests easy drive, but they want Amsterdam. And my niece wants 60 of our family and 50 or more of his from New Hampshire to all go to San Diego. Not going to happen. With 7 other weddings requiring an overnight, or 2, with family to visit, where do these 3 think we with get $3000 or more for 7 days each? And our family are generous about childcare for a night or 2. But we are hearing all this garbage about how we do not care about them. Not true. But 3 weddings requiring 26 days in 3 separate weeks, for someone to take care of 5 kids? Then that means each of us would have used up 2 years worth of vacation time in one summer and fall, just for family weddings. And $12000 dollars. We work hard for our money, and don't have it. I am tired of getting attitude from people planning wedding extravaganzas, then bad mouthing family and friends who are ruining their dreams by not going. We will go to the other 7 weddings, but miss all the destination ones. That's life. It will barely be possible to come up with about $300 per couple for a gift, for those 7 weddings. Destination weddings are lovely, but people who have them should not expect people to spend money and time for the travel. If you want everyone at your wedding, do 1 day, local to half your guests (5-6 hour drive max) and travel as far as you want for as long as you want in a honeymoon. But be gracious when people decline to attend your far away expensive dream.

View Quoted Comment

Hear, hear! Well said.

Destination weddings seem to be the "in thing" with young people these days who want to be different and cool....but it is selfish for the bride and groom to think that everyone can afford it and take the time off and have to pay for hotel, flight, let alone a gift. It is unrealistic and selfish to be upset with anyone who can not go. I have a wife and three children, and am on my fourth destination wedding invitation, all that I have turned down. Its just unaffordable and I have a great job, but my expenses are high. It is unreasonable and selfish to say "well, they have good jobs". Don't let your elaborate plans dictate other people's personal finances. You may think "if they were really my friends they would come." But if you were really their friend, you would understand.

View Quoted Comment

Kudos to you. I am sick of these selfish couples who are angry with those unable to attend their dream extravaganza across the water, etc. I indeed work too hard for my money then to give it away on someone else. And how about grandma and grandpa who can barely move, now they can not see their grand kids get married. Sad.

View Quoted Comment

Foolish answer. You do not think it is a hassle for an unplanned expense? You must be single with no kids, you have no idea how it is.

View Quoted Comment

And what do you think the combined expense for all of your guests will be with travel and hotel, and food (because I am sure you're not feeding them three meals for the entirety). Well over your 20K, probably close to 100K. Oh, but that's not your money is it, so who cares.

View Quoted Comment

Yes, just focus on "what you want", a good way to ruin relationships. When you grow up, think about those words.

View Quoted Comment

I suggest you pay for all of their flights and their hotels and meals and car services. It will cost you more, but since all of your friends are doctors and lawyers, you must be one too since that's the kind of people you hang out with.

This is an old post, but I felt it still deserved a response.


There is nothing ruder than making someone feel guilty or complaining about the wedding they invited you to.
I have been to and in countless weddings, domestic and abroad. I never once made someone feel bad for inviting me. Even when I couldn’t go, I made sure to send them my most sincerest regrets and best wishes because it’s a wedding, and I have class.
Bottom line, it’s your wedding. You decide when and where. You decide who makes the list. They decide if they can attend or not.
If they decline, they must do so politely, extending gratitude for having had the honor of being invited to celebrate such and incredible moment in your lives.
That being said, if fewer people can make it because of the time or financial commitment, you have to accept that graciously. Just as it would be classless and rude of them to complain about being invited, it would be just as classless and rude to complain about them not attending.
Remember. Above all, this is a day about celebrating love, so keep it classy

View Quoted Comment I hope your wedding was beautiful.