Guests complaining about destination wedding

A destination wedding can definitely be a hassle. You can't expect everyone to just be able to afford the huge expense of a destination wedding. If anything, have a destination wedding with just you and your fiance and come home and celebrate with family and friends.

Maybe it is expense and they're too embarrassed to say it. I wouldn't take it personally. People should be up front with you and say its expense if that's the real reason, but pride keeps some people from doing that. (I'm not condoning lying to you in any way of course.)

I would say "I'm sorry its such a hassle, you are certainly welcome to not come." (And in my head I would think f-off!)

Maybe they're having problems with taking time off from work, taking pets to be boarded, etc.

Destination weddings are great for the bride and groom, but they can be expensive, people might have a difficult time taking off from work, they might need a passport, have to make arrangements, etc. It's like planning a vacation without the vacation aspect entirely.

I'd just reply, "Well, I hope you can make it" and then change the subject.

Sorry to hear about your experience! I am sorry people are being rude in how they are responding to you about your day. They should just decline. We are having a DW but we know that will drop our attending vrs invited number. Though it is funny the people that decide to make it happen and the people that don't.

I totally understand if they can't afford it but these are physicians and other professionals that regularly travel to more exotic and expensive locations ...I wish they would decline on the RSVP rather than make us feel guilty .One of the complainers is my own father. I'm so upset I will not be having him walk me down the isle. Some have suggested a party when we get back but I refuse to spend upwards of $20K on destination wedding only to come home and spend more money on guests who have upset us with their complaints. Trying not to regret this whole endeavor .

Thanks Megan....that's exactly what I have been saying and thinking too

Aw, Rena I'm sorry your father is flaking on you. My dad was the rain cloud over my parade for the first few months of wedding planning and it was so deflating (he's come around now, but it does hurt, I know.) I definitely get the cost issue and logistics for people, but seriously, in what world is it appropriate to tell a good friend or family member that their wedding is a hassle or inconvenient for you? Just say sorry, we'd love to be there but can't make it happen.

Don't let it get you down too much, it's their loss!

Thanks for the encouragement....I am trying to focus on the most important part and that is... I will be marrying my best friend...something I thought I would never find...those who really want to be there will be ...and my mother ( who has been over the moon about our destination wedding) can walk me down the isle....my best friend said " I don't care what anyone says I wouldn't miss it for the world"

That really sucks, sure it may be a hassle but they shouldn't come out and tell you that, they're adults and if they agreed to come then they should deal with how to work it out. I'm sure if they said they're coming then that means they can afford things and this will be their vacation for the year, it'd be no different really from if they planned another vacation on their own. I definitely wouldn't cancel, in the end hopefully these people will be thankful they got to attend a wedding that allowed them to see some place new or at least get a vacation.

It definitely is a hassle; it's more than just one day, can require a passport and it's not easy to afford.

We are having a DW as well. We decided we would rather have 10 close people there than 200 we barely knew. and we knew our immediate family could and would go,we asked before we booked the venue.

I agree it is a hassle and expensive but how about some etiquette ? Funny thing is when we told everyone about the destination before we booked it they were excited saying they couldn't wait etc..I would have never booked my wedding had I known this was going to be their real response, I would have gone somewhere beautiful , just the two of us and got married. Unfortunately our venue charges a % of lost sale if we cancel ...wish I would have thought more about that too. Our wedding is still in the US closer to my FH family who would not be able to afford to fly north and attend a wedding where we live. My rude family and friends know this too.

I'm so sorry that you're hearing those comments. I'm having a destination wedding as well. When I was exploring the idea of having a destination wedding, relatives were making the case that it was more expensive to have it far away given flights & hotel. At the end, I realized that I can't make everyone happy. Just focus on what you want. Some of those people may come around. As for your father - maybe you help with the expenses? I used miles to book flights for my entire family. Best of luck!

I'm with Valarie & Future Mrs.Matthews - our wedding is in California wine country (we live in GA & NJ) and we already decided we wanted only our family and a few close friends at our celebration. We have family on the west coast so many won't travel that far (and the family in NYC and NJ have the money to travel).

My mother was the only one who complained. All other family and friends were so excited and love the area we picked (Paso Robles, CA).

Most guests are planning side trips to Santa Barbara & San Francisco!

To help with costs, we have private shuttles on day before and day of wedding. Also, we have a lunch as well as the rehearsal/welcome dinner where every guest is invited to attend!

I'm sorry this is happening to you, and they should probably be a little more diplomatic, but if I was invited, money or not, I couldn't come. It's not always the money; it's the time, the arrangements for everything else; for some people this may become their vacation for the year and that may not be their choice. Passports cost over 100.00. Boarding a dog costs 30.00 a day.

It's not actually rude; they are just being realistic. In a sense, every wedding is a destination wedding unless every guest lives 15 minutes from your venue.

I know how you feel. My wedding is only 2 hours away and my family is acting like I'm making them travel halfway around the world. I just don't care. I just said "It's happening there because this town has nothing nice in it. Don't come if you don't want to," but I really wouldn't care if a lot of them couldn't make it because I'm not very close with my family. However, my FH's family has no problem with the location and all are excited so at least they will be there. For my family, it is the cost of traveling, but seriously they will have had a year to save up for it. They've all quieted down now that it's only 6 months away. I'm sure as your wedding gets closer, they will become more excited.

DW's are definitely a hassle, ours is semi DW but still within driving distance for all but FH's parents and one sister.

I'm concerned that "more than a few" have expressed it's a hassle. It makes me wonder if perhaps you've (inadvertently) made it more difficult somehow or missed a few small things to make it easier?

A DW where I have to find and book my own flights, figure out my own transportation, find my own accommodations etc. Is a much bigger hassle than a DW where there is a flight available, I know the price, a hotel block, shuttles or whatever set up, you know?

Those who really want to be there will, or they will kindly tell you they can't make it. Sometimes there are great excuses: children, time off, or expense. But, you should not feel guilty about it. Have the wedding you want. Just don't be shocked it you have a low turn out. But the people there thought it was worthwhile and it will be a great time.

They are being kind of rude, but it's true that destination weddings are a hassle. We are having a semi-DW (it's about 3 hours away from where we all live), and it definitely cut down on our guest list. Not everyone has the free time to make the trip, or may not be able to get time off work, or whatever. This is one of the facts of having a DW: you will mostly likely not have as many guests in attendance as you would with a local wedding.