Guest List Guilt?

@JHazel - That is an awkward situation. Was your FMIL aware that your guest list was planned to be capped at 40? If so, she really should have been able to do some basic math and have known that not every aunt and uncle would make the cut. Is his family helping out at all with the cost currently? Or will she be helping to pay to expand the guest list? If not, then she really has no place trying to guilt trip your FH by telling him that people's feelings were hurt by not being invited when she is the one who gave them the impression that they would make the cut in the first place.

@pinguino: No, we said we were keeping the guest list small and she made her own inferences without asking. I do think she felt bad when she realized her mistake, but at the same time I think by telling FH someone's feelings were hurt she was still hoping we would change our minds and just add a few people. What people don't realize though is that adding "just a few people" has more cost associated with it than just a meal and most people planning a wedding make their decisions based on the number of people invited. More people = more invitations = more tables = more linens = more decorations, etc. Our food and drink package alone is $70/person. And once you get to a certain number, you might as well just invite everyone or it gets even more awkward.

I feel a bit guilty about not being able to invite all the friends I want but not at all guilty about not inviting family. I am dreading the "why weren't we invited questions" from family members tho... We're inviting immediate family and grandparents (plus one of FH's aunts who he is super super close with, and we each have a non-biological aunt we are inviting). My grandparents will likely not come because we just found out they are moving to Alberta (long story) and the intention was to drive to get them since they can't fly for health reasons, but Alberta is too far away for that. FH's grandma lives in Norway and likely won't come. It's going to be so drama free without my extended family there! Haha. But seriously that is why we decided to only invite immediate family - to avoid drama during the planning and during the event.

@JHazel, that's so true - they don't think about how much it costs. It's frustrating!

@JHazel - I totally understand. When you add up the cost per person of not only the food and drink, but all the little costs per person for all the things involved, the price per person can exceed your plate price by quite a bit. Even so, $70 per person adds up very quickly. Best of luck to you with all of that.

I have zero guilt, but was able to invite just about everyone I would have wanted there.

I feel bad that I can't invite all of my cousins on my dad's side of the family. It would double my guest list to invite them all and I just can't.

I'm a victim of this as well. I would have loved to invite all my coworkers but it is what it is.

I am only feeling a little guilty about one person...a friend of mine from college, who is now married with a kid. She invited me and FH to her (quickie) wedding and I was also invited to her baby shower, but I literally haven't seen her since her baby shower (and her son is now over a year old). We don't text, we barely even communicate on fb other than liking a picture now and then. So, she didn't make the cut.

I have very little guilt about my extended family- my oldest cousin got married first out of all of us and had maybe 60 ppl at his. No kids, no second cousins. It was amazing and was really a type of template for what we wanted for our wedding. I have a little guilt that some of my coworkers are asking questions about the wedding (very passively, checking in, not like they expect to be invited) but I'm friends with most of them and would like them to be there... but I can't invite the whole department, it'd be 1/4 of the guests.

This is one of the awesome perks of being an introvert. FH and I don't have many friends, I have a tiny family, and most of his extended family hates him and his parents, so we aren't having any trouble cutting. In fact I'm having trouble even coming up with at least one person to be my BM. But I would feel guilty if I had to cut family or really close friends if it came down to it.

@annakay511 That is the same criteria I had to use when deciding. I only was able to make cuts with my friends list. I had to go by how close I currently felt to the person as well as historically how close we were.

I have the big Italian extended family issue. I'm inviting all of my cousins, but I had to draw the line at my mom's cousins. I know them all and still see them every year at least once or twice, and more when I lived in the area. My mom convinced me to break down and invite one who I still see several times a year because he lives in town (the rest live about an hour away.) We have also decided not to send STDs to our friends. There are a few friends on our maybe list because even though we haven't seen them in a while, we are planning on starting to go to a weekly event where we will start seeing them, and they were close enough friends that it might rekindle our friendship. Also, in about December, FH started hanging out with a new gaming group, and less with his old gaming group, so there will probably be changes there.

My mom had some friend guilt. They were people I had suggested, and at first she said she didn't think they felt close enough to be invited, and wanted to invite a few other friends instead. Grand total was 5 people, so I didn't really care either way. But then that couple mentioned something about traveling out for the wedding and making it a mini vacation to Niagara Falls and the wine trail, so my mom decided to invite them too. And there was one girl from work who is in the same friend group (coworkers were pretty cut and dry.) I totally forgot about her, because she's always with us, and she's perfectly nice, but I'm not as close to her as to the others. I added her and her FH because I didn't want her feelings to be hurt that everyone but her was invited.

YUP. And FH wants to invite everyone and their mother. My family is from NY and his is from Ohio so we are keeping our fingers crossed that this DW for almost everyone but us (Tampa, FL) will hopefully keep more than a couple people at home...

Guilty but not sorry. I have a huge extended family and almost all of my cousins are older with spouses and families of their own. I would love to meet my cousins children but I don't feel like my wedding is the right place to finally meet them. My mom made me invite a couple who are her friends. I've met them a few times and they are genuinely nice people but she wanted me to include their three children. That's where I put my foot down. If I'm not inviting relatives kids, what makes her think I will invite those kids.

What I feel most guilty about is inviting all of my coworkers, knowing that most if not all will probably not make it because it's out of town and I work in a hospital. So we never close and have to always have people staffing.

I am currently dealing with this, it is awful. I wasn't going to invite my father's entire side, until his sister, my aunt, expressed a desire to come to my wedding, and my heart was warmed to have her there. Then, her daughter, my cousin who I grew up with as a child, but barely any relations as an adult, except to see each other once a year only in the last few years, also expressed a desire to come to the wedding. The problem is, there is some stupid discord amongst me and another aunt from marriage (not really related, only by marriage - she's always had this weird jealousy thing about my mom's kids/my mom and her never got along and it is as if she is trying to recreate that rift with me now that I am an adult, ugh, some woman can be so drama-full) - really, she doesn't bother me - what she is upset with me about is utter stupidity. I've apologized to her for nothing I did just to keep the peace because we are all family. Yet, I find myself in a bind on how to treat them as invites. I can't invite one aunt/her family, and not my father's brother, my uncle (and Godfather) because his wife doesn't like me. The whole thing is ridiculously stressful. Then too, one of my cousins (the son of the aunt that doesn't like me) didn't even go to his own brother's wedding. He is gay. And is embarrassed to be around the strong male figures in our family who do not accept him. Its horrible really. I want to invite him with a little note saying there will be 6 of our friends at the wedding who are homosexual, non-judgmental zone, screw what that (A-hole) men in our family think, come, be yourself, have a good time! But noooooo that is not how my family is and I know he won't come. I am limited to the hilt on invitations, so, no I am not inviting him if he didn't even come to his own brother's wedding last year. Then there is the girl daughter of this aunt who hates me. This girl daughter did something really crappy to me over facebook a couple of years ago, and I spoke my mind about it, hence, the reason why this aunt hates me. WHY would I invite this girl cousin then? UGH sorry to vent on your post, but Yeah I too am feeling guilty about not inviting some cousins, lets just say that.

My FH wanted to invite an old friend who got us together in sophomore year of high school, along with a couple of other friends (of hers and ours) and their boyfriends. I nixed all six, as sweet of an idea as it is. We haven't been invited to any of their parties or gatherings and it's been years since we last spoke to them. If it's the budget by the time we do invites, fine, but right now that's $300, in my pocket. If anything, I feel guilt and might cave because it means something to FH.

No guilt here. We invited people who we truly couldn't imagine not being there. End of story.

Maybenotmaybe, that is awful that your FH and his family completely disregarded your guests that you'd like to invite! That's really not ok and I'd put my for down immediately bc that does not bode well for things to come.

I switched jobs 4 months into planning, but still in the same overall agency just a different location and different Co workers. Several former co-workers are already on the list bc they are friends after working together so long and so closely. I am inviting one of the new Co workers but only bc we worked together at the old job and have been friends (although not super close) for about 6 years. Now that I've been there for 4 months I'm starting to form closer ties with 3 other girls. But that will add another 5 people to the list (one is single and doesn't date so I don't she'd have a plus 1). Plus there are another 3 girls that I think would probably be a bit miffed if I invited the first set and not them. So obviously the answer here is to not invite any of them (other than the one I've already included). But that stinks bc I want to invite the first set of 3. Also, one of them has been pretty eager asking about wedding stuff so I think she's hoping she'll get invited. It makes me feel bad.

We didn't invite some of hub's family because of trying to keep the guest list shorter. I regret it some but don't regret not spending all the money on them!