Guest List Etiquette Question: Do We Still Invite Them?

If they received a save the date, then they should receive an invitation. I think the only exception would be if you needed to cut your guest list for Covid regulations. And even then they should receive some sort of communication from you regarding it. If they don't respond, mark them down as a no and move on lol.

I would still send an invite if you sent them a Save The Date. If they don't feel close enough to you by the time you send out invites (6-8 weeks before the wedding), they might just decline the invitation. Or, they might accept, and you could use that as an opportunity to "restart" your friendship with them! In any case, you should still send an invite if you sent a Save The Date.

If you have reached out to them and they don't even respond then I would say don't invite them. Since it has been so long since you sent out Save The Dates did your date have to change? Or did you just send them out really early? I know people say it's poor form to not invite them but I have also heard of people sending Save The Dates but not necessarily inviting those people. So ultimately it's what you guys want to do! If you feel like they won't care either way then don't invite them!

No. You need to let them know the date has been cancelled.. Never ever invite anyone out of obligation. The guest list (and save the dates followed by automatic invites) should only consist of your nearest and dearest closest people you can't imagine the day without. If you do not communicate with them currently, they do not get an invite, period.

Save the dates are sent 6 months before the wedding and invites are sent 6-8 weeks before. Do not send earlier or they will forget and lose the info.

View Quoted Comment We are on our third date. And I’ve reached out to them a bunch of times and they haven’t responded. I am not sure if they even have the same address.

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If you made an attempt to contact them with no response then let it go and focus on your current guest list.

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I agree with Lisa on this one! Still invite them since you send a STD and if they decline, then that's your sign that they've moved on from the friendship and you should too. If they accept, you can use this as a fresh start!

It also doesn't hurt to ask them if something's happened to cause this rift, and if it was something that you just missed. A lot of times friendships go south due to lack of communication and misunderstanding!

If you hadn't sent them a save-the-date already, I would say no. This is why 6 to 10 months before is standard for save-the-dates, not 2 years.

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Yea it sounds like you have made your best effort to get into contact with them and they just haven't had the courtesy to reply. I don't see that you should send them an invite. It works both ways you shouldn't be obligated to send them an invite if they can't even bother to respond to you. Etiquette be damned lol

I’m in the same boat!! Sent my STDs out before Covid, well Covid disrupted everything and we’ve moved our wedding an entire year, and people have changed in and out of our lives. We have a handful of people we want to cut. I say do what you think is best. There have been so many etiquette “rules” that have changed because of Covid, why can’t a guest list also? Especially if you don’t talk to them anymore.

Everyone who received a save the date should still be invited (unless your reasoning for having to cut your list is directly due to Covid capacity restrictions). If you've since grown apart from these people, then they'll probably decline anyway, but I definitely think everyone who received the date needs to receive an invitation.

We’re in a similar spot, we didn’t actually send the STDs, but we did reach out and ask for addresses and share the location/date with everyone before postponing a year. We decided to go ahead and send STDs and invites to everyone we verbally told bc 1) we had already communicated they would be invited 2) many people are in a poor mental space right now, and reaching out is harder than the 3) the etiquette failure is not on us and if they want to re-kindle the friendship we are happy to have them. That said, receiving an invite is usually flattering/enjoyable and if they decline, that’s ok!

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I suspect the STDs were sent out for an earlier date which had to then be changed due to Covid, not sent out two years beforehand...

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They probably were sent out 6-10 months in advance... of their original date. OP said they're already on their third date.

I would normally say, etiquette speaking, everyone who gets a save-the-date gets an invitation.

However, I feel that COVID has caused a lot of changes to these kinds of rules. Never before would it have been okay to uninvite people from your wedding, but here we are - people have been having to uninvite dozens, sometimes over a hundred guests from their weddings.

If you aren't even sure if these people have the same addresses anymore, that's a sign that they probably don't belong at your wedding. If you really want to feel okay about it, you can try messaging or reaching out to ask for a current address, and if you get no response, then consider them off the list.

But truthfully, if you haven't heard from them since you sent out the STDs the first time around, I wouldn't send an invitation. If they so happen to decide to contact you after the wedding and ask why they weren't invited, I would just politely inform them that you had to make adjustments after moving the wedding (and if you tried to contact them and got no response, mention that you did attempt to let them know but were unable to reach them.)

View Quoted Comment Wow, I did not see that! I see people on wedding groups who are already planning for late 2022 and 2023, so I guess I thought it was one of those situations. Luckily the OP's former friends seem to have made the decision for her since they haven't responded to her reaching out.

Yeah I'm in a similar situation. Inviting everyone to my celebration. Unfortunately I think we all learned our lesson this year about sending save the dates too early (or at all)

I was kinda in the same boat. We sent STD around sept oct of 2019. Then invites went out Jan of 2020. Had all most rsvps back when covid hit (3days before our wedding) obviously we had to postpone. After we postpone 3 times we made the decision to not resend STD, we just resent invites to only the peeps that said yes to the first date. More than likely the no would
Have still been no.
I know most would be opposed to this but if you have not heard from them In over a year obviously I would not send a new invite especially after trying to contact them. Hope this helps

Also in a similar situation. We sent our save the dates at the beginning of March 2020 (just as Covid was becoming a thing) for our November 2020 wedding. We've since postponed to November 2021. We will definitely be including everyone who we originally sent save the dates to, because it's the right thing to do. There are a few friends who we have drifted apart from since Covid, but it's still the right thing to do to invite them since they received save the dates.

If they have truly fallen off the map, I’d be concerned they either had a major tragedy this past year, and have had to drastically change their lives, or that they’ve somehow decided to cut you off for whatever reason ( not even about you probably!) but either way if your contact attempts are unsuccessful, the the invite won’t get to them anyway, right?