Guest Attire: What should I do?

Could you have a chat with your VIP's form America and have them share around that the culture is a little different? I would hate to show up and be under dressed and would welcome it if someone reached out (maybe someone who has first hand experience) and said something to me so I knew what was the norm.

Yeah, I've told my Mom about my concerns, maybe I should have her start spreading the word on how they'll dress.

OR, should I spread the word to the Spaniards that hey, you can just wear cocktail attire since they'll be in the States and that'll be fine?

Thing is, I LIKE the more formal attire and I would love it if everyone was...equally as dressed up.

Idk.

You can't tell adults what to wear. Unless you indicate on your invitation cards that a semi-formal reception is to follow (men wear suits, women in cocktail attire)

Spread the word. & Of course, state on your invites that your celebration is black tie.

If you like the more formal I'd just spread the word that the Spaniards often dress very formal for these occasions. I know it's hard though. I want a very formal wedding but it's not the norm in my circle so I am hoping the venue (which is quite formal) will give people the sense. I am also purchasing my grandmothers dress as she can not afford something nice. I can't do that for everyone in the family but she will be in pictures so I figured.... better just purchase her dress!

ETA: I also went to a wedding which (insert GASP!) the bride put "Fancy frocks and formal attire" or something to that nature on the invitation.

Honestly, I'm 5'2, wearing a long formal dress makes me look grumpy and feel self conscious. Unless you are having a completely black tie event....I am wearing a short dress.

Heather- 5'3" over hear, I feel your pain lol.

It's not that I want to dictate what my guests should wear, although yes I do have a preference, I'm more worried about the fact that some people will come VERY dressed up by default and others will be underdressed by comparison. Like Mandigirl said, I don't want anyone to feel self-conscious because they're over or underdressed.

What Maltese said...

So your suggest is to put cocktail or formal attire requested or something like that on the invitation and leave it that?

Definitely put it on your invitation stationery somewhere depending on what you choose... Cocktail or formal (black tie)... But I suggest still having your mom and others spread the word to your other guests in America...

Do you care if people are Formal vs Semi-Formal? If not than why not just let people wear what the want....I wouldn't feel underdressed if someone was wearing a long dress and I was wearing short. Unless you're worried about people showing up in jeans, I wouldn't worry about it

Cocktail vs. formal isn't what concerns me as much as those that may come in more, church attire I guess.

Do not tell adults what to wear. Do not put black tie, unless it is black tie. You indicate the formality in your invitations and save the dates. Honestly, people who would normally underdress will underdress regardless. I'm also confused as to why it matters so much?

I would put on the invitations "formal reception to follow" or "formal attire is encouraged", or something like that, I think is okay. Also let your mom spread the word that the wedding is going to be more formal, they may want to consider dressing up more than bus. casual. So definitely let people know, but don't push it too much. Kinda like Emmy said, some people are going to wear what they want to wear regardless. But I see nothing wrong with making sure all guests are well aware of the formality level, so at least they can make an informed decision on what to wear.

I can sympathize. Despite the common opinion that people will just dress how they want to dress and won't care... as a guest I would prefer to know what level of formality it is. I have been in reverse situations where I have felt VERY overdressed and it is a bit uncomfortable. likewise if I was under dressed for a very formal event.

Having said they, don't stress yourself too much. Either decide to spread the knowledge simply by word of mouth, or place some type of indicator on your invitations/save the dates/website etc.

In the end it will work out :-)

If you do decide to place an indicator on your invites and you don't mind that there is a variance of semi-formally and formally dressed people then I would suggest only putting "semi-formal" as opposed to "black tie".

Sounds like half may be overdressed and half may be underdressed so I don't see an issue, really. It's not like one guest is in a ball gown and the rest are in jeans. Please do NOT put black tie unless you're doing the full black-tie experience. Putting dress formally on your invite probably still won't matter much, as an American I would still wear a cocktail dress (which they'll do regardless) and the Spanish side will still do eveningwear. Word of mouth is best, but I would only do it 1. if people ask and 2. warn them almost about the other culture.

So less, well in Spain it's common to wear eveningwear so we're asking everyone to. And more, in the Spanish culture people wear evening-wear so that's probably what that side of the guest list will do. Same message, very different tone.

I never said anything about black tie.

Maybe I'm not wording this well. I'm not so much concerned with my personal preferences in terms of how I'd like guests to dress, people will wear what they want to.

My goal is to try to avoid anyone feeling uncomfortable about being over or underdressed, not to dictate their attire. When I went to my first wedding over here, I appreciated the heads ups about how to dress because otherwise I would have been underdressed and felt out of place.

I don't think you're trying to tell people what to wear. I absolutely HATE it when invitations say something like "semi-formal attire requested" or "formal affair to follow." Because that, literally, doesn't mean anything. Semi-formal for women can range from nice slacks and a blouse to a full out evening gown. You just never know. Like another poster said, putting something like "semi-formal" or "formal" on your invitations would likely lead the Americans to just wear cocktail dresses and your Spanish guests to wear evening dresses, so I don't think it would solve your problem.

I think your best bet is to spread it by word of mouth. FWIW, I wouldn't feel uncomfortable in a cocktail dress if half the other guests were wearing more formal dresses. I don't think it's going to look that out of place.

Lori- Thank you! I'm not trying to be a I do think the best way is probably word of mouth, tell my Mom and bridesmaids etc. to let interested parties know what's up.

I assume you are being married in Spain? How many people will be coming there, from the US? If not that many, and I assume also that anyone who is coming from another country is VERY close to you, why not either call them or send a friendly email? Title it, Just a friendly heads up. Say something like.. although you can certainly wear anything that makes you feel comfortable, i just wanted you to know that traditionally Spaniards dress in formal attire for a wedding. You can wear anything you want, but this may be your opportunity to wear that NYE dress in the back of your closet, again! If it were me, and calling or emailing doesnt make you feel comfortable, i would put "cocktail attire requested" on the invite. Thats good enough. They will probably call you, anyway, and asks what cocktail attire means and that would open up the conversation for you.