Going broke for someone else's wedding

Then to me you are off the hook. I would decline the entire thing and send a nice gift. She pulled a fast one on the BP, and thats not right! I have a friend who got caught up in the same thing! Local wedding turned destination after dresses were purchased, etc. Thats not right to do to your friends, you atleast owe them a out.

And if you don't feel comfortable doing the above. Don't go to the bach, and trim back your shower gift. You don't have to give, give give. At the wedding leave a nice card with your well wishes and no cash. You have spent enough.

If you are comfortable paying for the flight/destination wedding by all means go ahead with that planned. However, you are not required to attend this destination bach party. You are not required to spend any money on an optional party and they cannot dictate how much you should save for this optional party. Nobody should be counting your pennies but you.

If you do not feel like you can afford to go on this bach party just let your bride know you are unable to attend but look forward to supporting her at her wedding. You can even do something small for her if youd like in lou of a bach party, dinner out?

As far as your hair and nails go if the bride is requiring you to get them done for the wedding she should be the one paying for it. If not she has no decision whether you get it done professionally.

Ouch - that is a lot! as a DW bride, I almost said "no bridal party". I only asked my MOH, well, because she's my BFF and I had a very open conversation about the costs of the trip and the dress - and she said it was okay. We are also out of college and are well established and she had over a year to save. it was an open conversation and I made sure she knew she could say 'no' without hurting my feelings. With that in mind, several of my girlfriends want a Napa or Vegas bachelorette party and I said "no" right away - everyone is already spending so much to travel to the wedding, I can't even fathom asking friends to travel again for me.

I would have an honest conversation with the bride. Explain the costs you're experiencing and saving for, and explain that your disposable income is limited.

A big thing I keep in my mind every day as we've been planning and as our day approaches - our wedding is only important to us, no one else cares about our wedding as much as we do and we can't ask our friends and family to take on any of the burdens of our day and choice to have a DW.

Run, run far and fast. This is a bride that only cares about what she wants. Simply tell her that when you accepted being in the wedding, it was local and affordable. Now that it's a destination wedding, you can no longer afford to be in the wedding. If she's a true friend, she'll understand - she'll be disappointed, but understand. If she doesn't, she was never much of a friend - or a kind person.

Sometimes I wish the other person would post on this forum. In this case, the bride would come here and post about this situation so we could give her a wake up call for you. This is so unreasonable. She seems out of touch with reality and really spoiled.

Hair, make-up, and nails should be her responsibility to pay since she is requiring them.

I would not buy gifts. Your attendance is your gift. Give a heartfelt card.

I would also not go to the bachelorette (it's just a little party, who cares really. Not worth that kind of money). And if she wants your hair and makeup and nails professionally done, she can pay.

If you're MOH, you're stuck with travel costs, but that and the dress is all you have to spend.

If she is having a destination wedding, she can't also ask for a destination bachelerotte party in NYC unless she's paying for it. Gah, that's awful.

These can be realistic situations unfortunately. I have seen this a few times, and the hardest part is when everyone else in the group has a lot of money and is all-in to the event, and you feel like you are the one person that can not afford it or make it happen. To me, a destination wedding is one thing, but if you expect a destination bachelorette as well (I know some situations where the brides bridal party lived throughout the country so it was the only way to have one) as a bride you have to have reasonable expectations (understand you will be picking up your flight, hotel, most of your own food/drinks on your own bachelorette party and that some people wont be able to attend due to money/time...ps if the party coordinator tries to get you to pitch in the brides whole trip I would definitely push back).

If you are going to a DW, you probably have to take time off work (which you may have to do with a destination bachelorette too), maybe try to use that as an excuse to get out of the party (you dont have enough PTO), as it is really no ones business on whether you want to spend the money to attend or not.

Yikes! I haven't read the comments but nobody should be telling you what to do with your money. If you cannot afford it, then you need to talk with her and reconsider not going to one or both. It does get very costly being a BM and I knew that saying yes to them, but it definitely wasn't $3,000. I would skip her bachelorette party at the minimum.

I totally agree you! Yes people are not props for bride's instagram wedding pictures or glitter slaves to make their bridal pictures look like a magazine shoot. This stuff is getting ridiculous. Pinterest is making everybody think they can be a Saudi bride for a day. I'm not having a bridal party and I told my friends to just show up for the event. Me and my fiance are older (I'm 54, he's 60 - both married before) a so we don't need one single thing! We got two of everything and have given away so much stuff. I got a 12x15 storage unit with stuff still left over from my condo after we moved in together.

I set my wedding website up for monetary donations. If anybody want to give a monetary donation of their choice it is up to them or they can give a card. I'm not requesting a specific amount either. If all they have is $25 that's fine. I'm not asking my family and friends to spend hundreds of dollars on dresses, makeup, hair, nails, wedding gift, plane tickets, hotel rooms, shower gifts, resort meals.......this stuff is getting out of hand. Now what if this young lady spend all that money and the couple only stayed together for a few years. She could have used that money on a down payment for a car or paid off some bills or just put the money away as an emergency fund. Selfish!

Oh wow, that's messed up.

That's terrible. I feel bad that dresses cost as much as they do and that people will be traveling to Florida. I got a big house for us to stay in but don't have the budget for people not to chip in but even so it's less than 200$ a person for the whole weekend and I'm stocking the house with food and drinks. I bought my bridesmaids their shoes and jewelry. If they want hair and makeup done they can pay for it themselves. My one bridesmaid that's having financial issues I took care of her dress and she'll pay me back but doesn't have to. The thing is if you're close enough to a person to be in their wedding party they should know you well enough to have an idea of your financial situation and care enough not to blow all the money you don't have. I can't imagine asking people to put up over 3000$...that's almost as much as my entire wedding budget! They're planning a bachelorette but I don't have any say in it other than my availability, which is how it should.

Tiffany, you can get out of this. When you agreed to be the maid of honor, it was a local wedding. Having an expensive destination wedding is a whole other situation. So you can politely explain that you cannot afford to do this. You do not need to stress/ruin your finances over this. It is crazy!

My daughter's wedding is local to her, but not to most people. Here's what my other daughter (MOH) is paying:

1. $139/dress

2. $120 for 3 nights of hotel (sharing room)

3. $440 for plane ticket to the bridal shower (totally MOH's choice to go and spend this money)

4. $440 for another plane ticket for the wedding, unless she decides to ride with us parents

5. Bride is paying for girls to get their hair done

6. Other bridesmaid will do MOH's makeup

7. I bought Talaria flats shoes for MOH, $39, my choice.

8. I expect MOH to purchase some type of shower gift and wedding gift, but totally in accordance with her 23-year-old budget

9. Food costs: There will be some of this the week of the wedding, but much of it is covered by events with the bride that are paid for.