Going broke for someone else's wedding

If she is having a destination wedding, that's fine. But she should be aware that not everyone has that kind of money to spend beforehand. I would never ask my girls to spend that kind of money on everything.

Sounds like you need to seriously tell her that you can't afford that much.

I’ve only been a bridesmaid in a couple of weddings but in my opinion that seems like way too much to ask of your bridal party. I would just politely explain to her that although you’re honored to be her maid of honor, you just are not in a situation to be spending that amount of money and see where it goes from there..

If she wants your hair, makeup & nails done those are all her responsibility.... my next question is this resort in Jamaica not all inclusive??? Because if it is that includes food & drinks then...

This is WAY to much money. Especially for someone who is a college student. It is perfectly reasonable for you to say that you can not attend the bachelorette party because of costs.

When I asked my bridal party - I outlined all of the expected costs for them so they could make an informed decision on if they could afford it. One of my very dear friends will not be able to attend my bach party because of the cost and I am totally ok with that, we will do something in town and cheaper together to celebrate.

It is not fair for her to expect you to penny pinch more than you already are to be able to afford all of the lavish things she has planned for her wedding.

That's definitely too much. Does she recognize that this is too much pressure to put on you? I would certainly have a conversation with her and express that you want to make this a great experience for her, but that it's significantly out of you budget. You should be expected to work all winter break, stress during the semester when you should be focused on school, and fund this experience for her.

No it's not all inclusive I have to pay for food and drinks

The bride is W.R.O.N.G.!!! Flat out WRONG for not asking you about your budget or availability. Fine if she wants a destination wedding, but NOT OKAY for assuming you can afford a destination bachelorette party as well. She has no right to say how you spend your money, or how to save your money. It would be best now if you speak with her one on one and explain the situation, and let her know you don't have the money to spend on both a destination wedding and a bachelorette party. While you're honored she chose you for her MOH, it's not possible to spend all of this money... you haven't even mentioned a bridesmaid dress, a wedding shower, and her wedding gift yet, this is only the beginning....

ETA: Also NO spending $3000 on someone else's wedding is NOT normal. The destination part I can understand, but my girls spent no more than $300 total, for my shower and bachelorette (they picked their own dresses I have no idea how much they spent). And $150 for the hotel room the night of the wedding.

Wow this is too much.

She should first looked into an all inclusive option so your food and drinks are included!

if she wants you to have hair and make up done she pays for it.

That is crazy! That seems like a lot! I am almost thinking is if she wants you to have a hair and makeup done then she should be the one paying for it!? ( I might be wrong)

Next, why is she planning the bachelorette party!? I thought that was you and the other bridesmaids that planned it and you worked with everyone's budget?

I thought $275 for a dress was a lot! (I mean it kinda is, we are not made of money!) I am also giving my bridal party the option if they want their hair and makeup done and if they do, they will pay for it. But I am doing research to find the best price so it does not break our bank! On top of that I am going to pay for the girls shoes because I am asking for specific shoes that they have to wear! So my bridal party is really not spending to much!

I would decline the bachelorette party, and the hair/makeup/nails. I would also go less expensive on shower & wedding gifts (not that you have to give them at all). It is quite presumptuous of her to assume everyone can afford the destination wedding and a destination bach party. I would just tell her you are excited for the wedding and to stand by her side but everything she wants is not in your budget.

That is a lot to ask, and unfortunately seems to be becoming expected these days. Everyone I know is having a destination bachelorette and I think it's nuts. I would tell her you can't afford it no matter how hard you work. It is incredibly rude of her to tell you to start saving, and if she is requiring you to have your hair, makeup and nails done a certain way SHE should be paying for it. For the record I am not a college student, I work full time and I would not be willing to pay $2000 to travel to a destination wedding, pay for my own hair & makeup, AND all meals? No, uh ah, not happening. You are a good friend and have done enough, I would not be shelling out for a destination bachelorette on top of all that. And as PP mentioned, I am assuming you will be paying a share of the shower and all of your attire/alterations as well? That will add up to an insane amount.

Yes I bought the dress and I still need to get shoes. I also have to buy a wedding and bridal shower gifts. On top of that she doesn't even want me standing next to her at the wedding she wants to arrange bridesmaids and MOH by height so I'm upset about that too. I honestly do not feel like a maid of honor she is planning the bachelorette party

If you haven't told her you can't afford what she's asking for, speak up!! She may not realize what an issue this is so far. Ideally she would have asked you for your budget in the beginning but that doesn't always happen. If she's insisting on hair, makeup, and mani/pedis she should be footing the bill for them - yes obviously you want to look good for her day since you'll be in a lot of pictures but these are not items that you should break the bank for.

As for gifts, you don't have to buy something expensive just because you're the MOH. If her registry items are too expensive, you can opt for sentimental instead.

And on the height thing.... you're the MOH, you SHOULD be standing next to her at the ceremony. That should be a non-negotiable, or she should have asked you to be a BM, but that's a terrible reason to make decisions. Pinterest-perfect pictures that treat your friends as props are awful. And for the bachelorette, she can give you ideas of what she would like to do, but it is up to you and the BP to plan what YOU can afford.

For all those that wonder why so many people say "BMs only need to wear a dress and show up, nothing more"... THIS IS WHY. Your BMs are your friends, not glitter slaves as someone so eloquently put it! (Not you OP, I sympathize completely!!! You are not at fault here.)

The bride may want a destination bachelorette, but if it's not in the budget, it's not in the budget. Don't push beyond your means. And honestly, you're paying a lot of money already, for her to expect you to get a french manicure and pedicure on top of everything... She should be paying for it, but that's just my opinion.

I'd suggest talking to your friend, just let her know that you want to be a part of everything, but financially, you're stretching yourself thin. You two are close enough for her to ask you to be her MoH, be honest with her and find a solution together.

The bride is asking way too much and is very out of line.

If she is requiring pro makeup, hair, and nails, she should be paying for it. It's only okay to have you and each individual BM pay for it if these services are optional, meaning you have the option to decline the service and do your own hair, makeup, and nails if you don't want to pay for it. It is okay to tell the bride that the pricing is too high and you'd prefer to do that stuff yourself.

She should not be planning her own bachelorette party. Someone else is supposed to offer to plan it (if they want to), and plan the party that the group can actually afford. Bachelorette parties are optional. A bride only gets one if someone offers to plan one. Attendance is also optional. If you can't make it or the cost is too high, you can decline the invitation. I would tell her that saving up for her bachelorette party isn't going to be possible because you're already saving all you can for the trip to her wedding so, unfortunately, you won't be able to make it to her bachelorette.

The "line-up" thing is weird. Lining up BMs by height usually means the MOH stands next to the bride, and then the rest of the BMs are lined up by height. Mixing the MOH in according to height isn't normally done. I would talk to your friend about how this doesn't make you feel like you are her MOH.

Tell her no sorry, you will not be able to attend the bachelorette party. And you will be doing your Ken hair, makeup, and nails. If she persists she will have to pay for it.

This is excessive, but I can't say I'm surprised. Did you know it was a destination wedding when you agreed to be apart of the BP? I would not attend the bach.

There was a bride earlier in the week who was upset that her BP didn't give her and her husband a gift or cards after a destination wedding in the DR. Lets hope your friend isn't like her!

Yikes! I would be super salty about all of this.

First off, I would tell her firmly that if she is "requiring" professional hair / makeup / nails for her wedding day, she will be paying. Otherwise, you can do them yourself.

Second, she planned a destination wedding. She is putting more of the expense on her guests to attend her wedding, so that should be taken into account. I would probably not bring a date - less on food, flights, accommodations etc. to save money. I have a destination wedding next year and my FH and I have already discussed that if it's too much, he would stay home.

Third, she should not be planning her own bachelorette party. Someone should offer to plan it for her, otherwise, she does not have one. The person who offers to plan it should discuss budget with everyone invited to make sure that it's affordable for all guests. Like other PP's have said, bachelorette parties are optional and so is attendance. If you can't afford to go, "no" is a full sentence. I recently had to opt out of my FSIL's bachelorette party because it was too expensive. It is what it is AND it's so INCREDIBLY rude to tell you how to save your money. She should not have a say in where you spend or how you save your money. Everyone's circumstances and priorities are different. This would be a hard pass for me.

Fourth, if she's arranging people by height, I wouldn't even consider myself the MOH. The MOH should be your nearest and dearest and should be treated as such. If she can't treat you that way, I would reevaluate my relationship and honestly, I probably would've backed out.

Being a college student is stressful enough - no need for this type of financial burden for a party.

Ah! I want to scream for you. You need to sit down and talk with her about this. If you WANT to - and can AFFORD to - even travel to Jamaica for the wedding, that is up to you. Do you want to? If so, then start saving for that. I hope she's given you affordable options for a bridesmaid dress and talked about your budget. Other than that, you should not have to pay for anything else. A bachelorette party - let alone a destination one - is optional. If she is requiring your hair and makeup and nails to be done, she needs to pay for it.

Talk to her and explain how you feel and what you can afford. If she still pushes it that you NEED to pay for all these optional things, then I'd consider even attending the wedding at that point.

View Quoted Comment I agreed to be her MOH back when she originally had the idea her wedding will be local then she changed her mind