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Master October 2014

giving a gift if you aren't invited.....

Aronna, on July 31, 2013 at 4:16 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

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A while back my SIL's sister got married and weren't invited. First off, I was not offended at all since I had only seen her a few times, we weren't EXACTLY related and the wedding was very far away, with a guest list of at least 350. BIG family to put it mildly. I'm sure the bride has to cut the list down even then!

even if we had been invited we would not have been able to attend. So to me that was just a technicallity.

I checked a chain store that I figured she was registered with, looked up her name and bought something like a corkscrew online and had it sent to her. not expensive, very easy to do, all good.

Just before the wedding I mentioned it to my SIL and she looked shocked. After the wedding the bride Emailed me a extra thank you note,&said that to do it over again, she would have sent us a invite. I told her no problem, I just wanted to send her something to wish her well.

I later heard my SIL was bent out of shape about it because she felt I was ''inappropriate cont

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Private User, on July 31, 2013 at 5:45 PM

Master October 2014
Aronna · on July 31, 2013 at 4:18 PM
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Cont- and that it put her sister on the spot. She did ask me at one point "you know you aren't invited right? " I assured her, I understood that.

My BIL told me that my SIL questioned if I was trying to get myself invited and I just laughed!

Growing up people from my Dad's family would send gifts to brides or maybe even give a shower and not expect to be invited because often weddings were so small that is was unusual for lots of people to be invited.
So I thought nothing of sending a gift to wish her well.

anyone run into situations like this?
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Master December 2012
Just Reenski · on July 31, 2013 at 4:19 PM
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If you WANT to send a gift to someone, I don't think that would ever be inappropriate. It's not like you NEVER met the girl, you just weren't close. It was very sweet of you and I'm glad the bride herself was grateful for it.
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Master June 2014
DlovesD · on July 31, 2013 at 4:23 PM
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I think it was totally appropriate. You were just wishing them well as they start their lives. Even if she said, do you think she's trying to get an invite? Your SIL should never had told you that.
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Master May 2014
Out the Window · on July 31, 2013 at 4:25 PM
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Aronna - I'm not inviting you, can I still get a gift ?
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Master June 2014
TooManyMistys · on July 31, 2013 at 4:53 PM
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I think it was sweet and with out her knowing you and your true intentions I can see how it could of came across that way. Question though you said this was your SIL so wouldn't this make it your brothers wife?
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Master October 2013
Laudie · on July 31, 2013 at 4:55 PM
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Hey I just met you...and this is crazy...but here's my registry...so send me a gift
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Master May 2014
Out the Window · on July 31, 2013 at 4:56 PM
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HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!! LAUDIE!
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VIP June 2013
Soonyee · on July 31, 2013 at 4:58 PM
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Yeah, um I got married but I hear etiquette says you have a year. I'll be waiting!

But anyways...I think it was totally nice of you to get her a gift. Not inappropriate at all.
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VIP September 2013
Future_Lobos · on July 31, 2013 at 5:12 PM
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Very nice and thoughtful of you to get a gift. Rude of SIL insinuating you were fishing for an invite.
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Master October 2014
Aronna · on July 31, 2013 at 5:18 PM
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TooManyMistys: my SIL is my grooms's brother's wife. I've just gotten used to calling them SIL and BIL because every time I said Future this or that I had to answer a load of questions.it's all a technicality.

I did know the bride, just not well.

it just never occurred to me that someone would consider a gift to have any intention other then wishing someone well.
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Master October 2014
Aronna · on July 31, 2013 at 5:23 PM
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Future_Lobos: I think that my SIL thought that I was fishing for a invite because that's something SHE would probably do!

either way, the bride was very touched, and when she said she regretted not sending a invite, we just left it that she owed me one if she ever held another big bash.

My SIL just gets herself all bent out of shape too much.
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Master June 2014
TooManyMistys · on July 31, 2013 at 5:40 PM
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Gotcha!
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Super February 2014
Private User · on July 31, 2013 at 5:45 PM
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Sounds like a thoughtful gesture to me. Some people always look for the worst. Glad it got cleared up!
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