Gift registry even if your just renewing your vows

No. It's not okay.

I think that would be strange and kind of like you're begging for gifts

I didn't see the comment about the bridal party (which, after 15 years, seems theatrical, at best) telling you that registries for gifts is inappropriate -- but then again, you must have edited you initial post to remove that statement.

No offense intended, but you didn't get the wedding you dreamed of because you chose not to go the conventional route a long time ago. Nobody forced you give up your dream, and nobody promised you a do-over more than a decade after your wedding. Today, you're not a bachelorette. Why, after 15 years of marriage, would you even consider taking the place of an unmarried woman? Doesn't that seem a little ridiculous to you?

No, you shouldn't register for any gifts. Fifteen years ago, you made a decision to have a wedding, and for whatever reasons, you didn't have the wedding you've always dreamed of.

Feel very fortunate and blessed that your guests want to attend an anniversary party that looks like a wedding. Your guests will probably bring gifts, but please, leave it up to them to select those gifts. The registry ship sailed long ago.

If you've "researched" this topic so extensively, what's your fucking question?

I'd side eye a registry for a vow renewal. If people want to give you a gift they will probably give money.

Nobody is being hateful and rude. What they are being is realistic. You are a married woman -- married, if my math is correct, way back in 2002. This community is populated by women who have waited, planned, and taken OT and second jobs -- all to have the expensive, guest-centric wedding you passed up years ago.

Go ahead and have the wedding you passed on -- buy a wedding gown and wear it at an event that is not a wedding. You made a choice, and that choice afforded you benefits. If you want to dress up like a bride, ask a bunch a women to dress up as BMs, and have a theatrical reenactment of something that happened shortly after Y2K, go ahead, but don't expect real brides to give you advice as to how a long married woman impersonates a bachelorette, or how she convinces others that after 15 years of marriage, she still needs the basic accoutrements that make up a home. You've had 15 Christmases to pull in those gifts.

I don't get it. A wedding is something that happens in a few moments. It happened for you -- just as you chose. The majority of women on this forum have waited, worked, and saved, to have that ceremony happen with a reception following. Why, I wonder, are you still focused on a wedding this far into your marriage? I'll never understand it. Have an anniversary party, but please, don't play wedding day fifteen years after the fact. And a registry? That's just embarrassing.

Have a subdued vow renewal, but please, skip the wedding reenactment. No registries, no showers, no bridal party, and no pre-renewal (wedding) parties. You're NOT getting married.

I would side eye a gift registry for a vow renewal. It's not a wedding and you are not bride. You are a married woman reenacting a ceremony that you have already done with that person. You are not entitled to your dream wedding.

No we are not we were just going to do things with our children you know mother/daughter and father/son time..

I'm just really upset because yes I'm not getting married I am havinga renewal ceremony because my husband and I chose not to take money away from our children when we first got married. When we meant I was a single mother supporting 3 small children. I worked two jobs just to support them

Now I have my own housekeeping company and my children are grown up. That I myself ,NOT MY PARENTS , am able to pay for the wedding i was not fortunate to have back then.. And to let everyone know my husband and I do not have nothing that belongs to us because we sold everything we owned to move in with his dad and take care of him since he has prostate cancer and to take care of his sister who has heart problems. So thank you everyone for tearing me down before you find out the facts..

If you want to do a special girls day before the big vow renewal you with your daughter, him with the sons I think that sounds like a great idea. Lunch, spa, etc, maybe even invite close friends or family. It can be a girls day without being a bachelorette party, likewise for him.

As for gifts some people might bring gifts on their own but I would not register for them.

I realize it might be difficult to let go of the ideas we have for our weddings. You worked hard as a single mother and when you found your "one" you two rightly prioritized your marriage and families future over a wedding. You have built a beautiful family and marriage and now get to celebrate that. I see no issue with having your children as a "wedding party" it would be a little strange to have a traditional wedding party but having your kids there to add to the event seems like a great way to honor the relationship you built.

Thank you Ali. You are the first one to say something nice to me.. we were never going to register for gifts. We are just wanting to celebrate with our family and friends and he is wanting to give me something I dreamed of my whole life and was not able to have at that time..

Kayte, I sincerely hope that the vow renewal is one of the best days of your life. Remember you already have gotten one of the best gifts a person can receive; a loving and lasting relationship.

You also get to a plan a day free of a lot of the stresses of a wedding day so embrace that! You don't have to change your name, do paperwork, have cold feet, worry about the perfect everything. You already have the lasting marriage now throw a party for your family and friends to celebrate that recommitment to each other.

Then do what you want, Kayte. We're only reflecting what everyone around you will be thinking. Which is why people told you not to register in the first place. If you don't want to listen, that's your choice. No-one was rude to you.

Jacks I don't know if your just not reading but I was asked if I was registered. I told everyone no.. my husband and I neither one thought it a good idea...

Kayte, I do understand why you may not have had a wedding a long time ago. In my first marriage, we couldn't afford it and did not have the option to work multiple jobs. In my case, that marriage shouldn't have taken place in the first place, and I had all the signs in the beginning. Needless to say, I understand that having a wedding isn't always in the cards for everyone .

That said, I do agree that a registry wouldn't be appropriate. I understand how you wish you would like to have a chance at all those exciting things, but for a vow renewal you can only appropriately have a ceremony and party as you wish. Let people gift you as they please

Good luck to you !

You know what @Kayte? There are a LOT of us who have been through some serious shit. Some CHOSE to go and have a courthouse wedding or elope, others CHOSE to wait and save to have the wedding they wanted. It was all a matter of what was important to them. Giving a sob story after declaring everyone here rude (which is a vio, by the way, and has been flagged,) because people are telling you outright the things your guests will be too polite to tell you (but they'll be talking about all night!) is just ridiculous.

I don't care why you chose the path you did. It was a choice, and one you made. No matter how hard you try, you don't get a do-over without divorcing first. You are married, and with that come basic etiquette principles.

DF and I have chosen to push back our wedding for several years to make sure everything is how we want it and we can afford the wedding we want. It was a priority to us, and a choice we willingly made. You made your choice, you need to live with it. Renew your vows if you want, but it isn't a wedding and never will be, period.

For the record, you got blunt replies, not rude. Rude is telling a bride she looks like a cow in her dress. Blunt is telling someone their idea sucks or is rude and why. I suggest learning the difference. People are blunt here, and you've demonstrated perfectly why: trying to be nice and/or sugarcoat answers is too often taken as a license for someone to excuse poor behavior so they can later claim ignorance.

If you want to make a spectacle of yourself , I'm sure an Internet forum won't stop you. But at least now you'll be doing it knowing exactly how rudely/poorly you'll be behaving, and you won't have any sort of excuse for it except you wanted to.

I mean, if your wedding party (which is kinda strange, to me, but whatever) are your kids, do you really need an official title for y'all hanging out before the vow renewal? I assume you hang out with your kids all the time...

Don't do a registry. Don't have bachelor/ette parties.

Have an awesome vow renewal.

I'm sorry you didn't get to do things the way you wanted to. That sucks. With a vow renewal you can do a lot of those...the dress, a big party with great food and dancing. But there are a few things that are either rude or just don't make sense. And those two fit into those categories.

I'm sure your renewal will be lovely. It sounds like you've been through a lot to get to it, so congrats.

You are not entitled to anything just because you had kids and got married young. Don't register, people will probably still give you money. I think it's fine to have your adult kids stand up with you.