Getting the future husband involved in the planning...

My FH has been very good, but I think some of that is that I am not actually super-excited to do the planning. I just am fine with it. I'm good at organizing and planning, so those sort of things fall to me in our relationship - even outside of wedding planning. But because my FH knows it's not what I want to spend all of my time doing, I think it helps him in remembering that this is for both of us. Over the year we've been engaged, we've gotten it sort of worked out - we plan a chunk of time ahead of time, where he knows wedding planning is going to happen, usually over dinner, and we sit down and go through what we need to discuss. I sort of plan ahead - almost like it's a meeting, with specific 'agenda' things I need to bring up. I can hold his attention for usually about an hour, max. The more planning ahead of time I can do, the better - where I really lose him is if I don't have the options narrowed down at all, and then I get the glazed-over look as we start looking through options. So what I've found for us is that I get stuck doing a LOT more work, but at least he's helping me with the actual decisions. So I'm happy enough with that, since I am actually more comfortable with organizing/planning than he is. If you are really excited about the planning, then this should be great for you! I'd just recommend, literally, discussing times where you can focus for an hour or so (we often 'meet' on Monday or Thursday nights at dinner for wedding planning, as we're busy most other evenings). Prep - have an agenda, and make sure he knows his opinion is important to you - that he's not just there as a sounding board.

Congrats, and good luck with the planning!

Maria, calm down! You'll burn out at this rate and so will your FH.

You'll need his input on budget, guest list, and ceremony/reception venue(s) at this point.

Do not ask him which shade of white napkins to get. Unless he's into design, he won't know about white, off-white, ivory, ecru, etc.

C&E has good points. If you need more tips, e-mail me.

I've had this problem while planning.

What I did is come up with ideas and plan something out that I thought reflected us the best. I would then take my idea or two to my FH and ask what he liked. He then gave me his opinion and we went with that. He's happy because he knows that I'm happy with the choice and at the same time he got a say in the final decision.

My fiance said the same thing right after we got engaged--that it was my day, and he would be happy with whatever. I also wanted him to be more involved, so I get what you're saying. What worked for me was spending the first month or so drafting a big picture and getting some ideas for details (I also was so excited I couldn't stop thinking about it/working on wedding stuff!). Then we talked about my ideas, and it turns out when he had something to work with, he did have an opinion. For a few things he has just said that he doesn't care and trusts my judgement, which is sweet, and for those things I just go ahead and take him at his word that he'll be happy with my choices.

Happy planning!

I've pretty much done all the research (ie the Pintreset scanning and the wedding magazine browsing) then I've got to the FH and asked his opinion. I think the main thing is just the keep the lines of communication open. Ask him what parts are important to him. Is is the ceremony, the colors, the atmosphere, or the food? Then work together with those items because while some guys care about what flowers are used most don't. To my FH he felt that the food and liquor were important and even though he didn't care about the decorations but I've still kept him in the loop.

Give him "jobs" that call for his special skills. I left my FH in charge of his wardrobe, building a decorative crate, burning the wedding CD and writing his vows. He's handy, And very techy, so The crate And CD made him excited And not Bigged down with work. He also just finished his wardrobe task, which he had alot of fun with! Not only did i tailor his tasks to his strengths And interest, we also have a "reward" System for completed tasks. Ill let your mind Wander with that one. He jumps to cross stuff of his list

If you expect your husband to be as equally as excited as you about the wedding planning process, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. At first, all DH really wanted to know was: Will we be married at the end of the day? If the answer was "Yes", then he was done.

THEN I discovered he really wanted to know...

- WHERE are we having the ceremony/reception?

- who is going to be invited?

- what are we going to EAT? (this was asked multiple times)

- what am I going to wear? (translation: I don't wanna look like an idiot)

- what are you going to wear? ("I don't want to see the dress until the day of BUT... please no turtle-necks")

SO, I made a list of major categories: Food-Cake/Dinner, Venue, Attire-His, Attire-Hers, Booze, Floral, Other Decor, etc. We went thru it together and he indicated which items he really wanted to be involved in "planning" (food, venue, his attire) and I indicated where I felt I need his input (officiant, guest list). For everything else, I just make the decision. Even when collecting his input, I did the research and narrowed the options to 2-3 "top choices".

Forgot this part...

CAUTION: Be careful what you wish for. If you ask for his input/opinion you will need to be prepared to hear it and act on it.

I agree with the others. Find out what, if anything, he cares about and enjoy getting to make your picks on the other things. My FH & I settled on the major things together (venue, general food, officiant and lack of bridal party). If I can't make a decision on something (like whether or not to add a s'mores bar), I ask if he cares or has thoughts. If he doesn't...then I ask someone else their opinion.

If he starts to look glazed over, then I drop it

Thanks for the tips, everyone! We're obviously still in the very early planning stages, so everything has been pretty broad whenever I've asked for his input - I think that narrowing it down and then asking his opinions will work out great. I also love the idea of setting aside some specific time where we discuss wedding plans. I don't expect him to be as into all of this as I am, I just want to make sure that we're both happy with how things turn out that day - at least as far as we can control them, which I know isn't always very far.

Apathy runs rampant among many future husbands in regards to wedding planning. I basically do all the leg work but ask for his opinions on the majority of decisions. He usually doesn't care much. But every once in a while he has a strong opinion, so I make sure to go with it!

I've given him a few "jobs" (playlist and booking honeymoon hotel) but he has yet to make any real progress and we're running short on time! I'll probably end up doing those too!