Future mother-in-law is insisting i follow family tradition at wedding. I don't want to.

I know what she explained, but I feel it's sexist and I am not doing it. My fiance also isn't interested in having any Polish traditions at the wedding. He said so up thread when he talked to his mom. If he was, then it would be different.

As I said, his mother can do all the Polish traditions at her daughter's wedding.

First, I'd like to say that this is YOU and YOUR PARTNERS wedding, NOT the mother in law. She's had her day, this is yours. You need to plan it as you want it. You are the bride.

Secondly, as long as your fiancee is on your side, I believe you are all set. Yes, there may be tension with his family about not doing this "family tradition" but as long as you and your FH are happy and excited to be married and he is on your side and doesn't mind forgoing this tradition (which, he as your FH should support you in decisions like this), then I don't see a problem with you not wanting to do a tradition at YOUR wedding, that you feel is tacky.

Stay strong and remember- THIS IS YOUR WEDDING AND THIS IS YOUR DAY.

If you have no desire to participate in this tradition and it isn't important to your fiance at all, then don't do it. The fact that his family is upset but even that doesn't seem to bother him makes it clear that this act would have no value to either of you. Additionally, it seems to make you uncomfortable.

Skip the tradition. His family can get over it or be petty.

It is your wedding, and I completely agree with you that it should have no place on your special day if you don't want it to.

However: Sometimes with traditions like this, it can help to extend an olive branch by understanding the history of the song, the tradition, and potentially creating a new tradition.

The song itself is over 100 years old, and was popularized by Bing Crosby in 1934 and 1944, the Great Depression and WWII. It is likely that this song has very sentimental roots in your fiancé's family that they have lost touch with.

Some Compromises to Consider:
-Having the apron/sweetheart dance as a part of the dress rehearsal or family brunch/dinner only.

-A cool tradition I have heard of is a dance where all of the married couples dance to a song, and as the song progresses, only the couples that have been married the longest remain on the floor. It might even bring a tear to someone's eye to be recognized and serenaded by their family's song. It is a nod to the commitment of marriage. You might even have the history of the song introduced by your fiancé or MC that the song is meant to be an introductory tradition into the family. Having someone explain this, would give your family context, and help it to not seem as strange.

Just some thoughts. You don't have to follow any of these.

I will also say that your future MIL sounds ridiculously controlling. Beware of this in the future. If you do choose go along with a compromise, be sure it is done on your terms. If she tries to overstep her bounds, make sure that you and your fiancé have talked over what you will say, and talk to her at the same time. Manipulators thrive on isolating people and getting them to bend.

I’m sorry, but FMIL is not the one acting like a child here, you are. Is she overstepping? Yes. Are you being disrespectful and childish? 100% yes.
Did you even bother to ask FMIL more about this tradition to understand it before you said no? Doesn’t sound like it. Especially since a PP actually explained it to you and you clearly had no idea that’s what it was about. Would you have to do it even after learning about it? Nope, not at all. But that sure would have gone a long way to at least care about your future in laws family heritage instead of just pooping all over it. It’s great that FH is so supportive of your disrespect of his family but that won’t last forever. Good luck to you.

I am glad people are realizing how controlling my FMIL is being. I don't want to do the dance and I am not going to, period. Just because something has always been done is no reason to do it. I have read the explanation and I still feel it is sexist and old-fashioned. My fiance doesn't want to do it. If he did or wanted another Polish tradition, we would talk it through, but he doesn't. End of.

View Quoted Comment “No is a complete sentence” I’m totally using that going forward 😂😂😂

I’ve never heard of such a thing... ew I would not do it either.

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I'm definitely with you especially because your man doens't care and his family is not contributing so the future MIL a 0 business telling you what to do, what not to do.

If your fiancé or your parents did want you to do this, it would be another story though.

He has to set a strong boundary with his parents and should have your back since he didn't express he wanted you do do this.

View Quoted Comment 100% agree

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" His mother immediately began whining about their being no Polish representation at all. He said he was the Polish representation and left it at that."

This is the best reply he could give.

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You're wrong for thinking Crystal is disrespectful and childish.

So, saying no to a parent or a futur in-law means you don't respect them? Really?. Since when ??

I can easily argue that respect is a two-way street and is not towards the older one only. The future MIL knows she hasn't any polish background and even if she had some, doesn't mean she had to follow some polish traditions if neither herself or the groom is interested in them

The fact she said no before learning more about it,doesn't change anything about her feelings and opinions.As an example, let's talk about the 2 biggest, timeless wedding traditions: the veil and the white dress. Everyone knows that both traditions are ridiculously sexist,patriarchal, (especially the veil) but most brides still wear a veil AND a white dress ...

Plus: she mentioned the fact that her man isn't interested in any polish tradition! Plus: it sounds like she would consider including some polish traditions, other than this dance, if her groom wanted them but he doesn't.

If neither you or your fiance wants this tradition, then there's no problem with just saying no. It is your wedding and your fiance's, not his mother.

I feel you hun like completely! It is your day YOUR day that YOUR parents are paying for. I know it might be hard to say no sometimes but you only get one day to have your dream wedding so make it yours and screw everyone else

I can just say that my guests really loved all the Polish traditions that I included to my wedding, it was just relly fun... My husband was really proud to show his wife's roots an rituals around being married... And I felt the same about the French side of my wedding.