Future mother-in-law is insisting i follow family tradition at wedding. I don't want to.

I agree with everyone who said you don't need to participate in traditions that aren't your own and make you uncomfortable, especially because they aren't important traditions to your future spouse. I also agree that he needs to step up and handle his family. Just because he doesn't care one way or the other about this particular custom doesn't mean he gets to be passive when handling his family.

All of that said, it does sound like you yourself could be handling this better. It's better to say that you don't feel comfortable with [x tradition] rather than saying it's weird, dumb, or tacky. Also, it's irrelevant whether your in-laws are helping to pay for the wedding or not. I wouldn't use that as a reason you don't want to do an apron dance. You can just not want to do a thing, and that's enough reason.

Your FH needs to actually set a boundary: “if you bring up (tradition) again, I will end our conversation/hang up/leave” and then stick to it. They’re pushing because they think they’ll wear you down. If you set a firm boundary and stick to it, they won’t be able to continue nagging about it.

View Quoted Comment I agree. I would actually be excited to incorporate some traditions from my fiancé’s family. A marriage can also symbolize two families coming together. Although the two spouses are the primary new family unit, a rude and disrespectful response to another family’s wedding traditions is not going to create love, peace & harmony.


I’m also a descendent of Euro immigrants and for some reason this song idea seems like something my grandparents would have loved! At least sweet to do at a bridal shower.

I am NOT doing this tradition at the bridal shower or anywhere else and to be honest, the way I feel right now, I might not even invite his mother or grandmother. It will be really awkward with them and my mom there. I don't trust my mom being able to hold her tongue re my fiance's mom and I have some choice words as well. Honestly, calling my mom? Who just had surgery, to complain about some dumb tradition? Come on!

View Quoted Comment I know your future in-laws are acting in a way that's not super appropriate, but you seriously want to uninvite them? You are bot handling this with grace. My in-laws made more unreasonable demands and we were able to work through them amicably. Weddings are emotional and important to both families. You need a serious attitude check if you're going to marry into a family

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I am extremely irritated by this. I feel they are unreasonable and calling my mom, who like I said, is recovering from very serious, invasive surgery is beyond the pale. And my fiance's family know she had surgery, because he told them. There are just some lines you don't cross and they crossed them.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree. The way this is being handled is astonishing. I feel it is within a bride’s right to decline to participate in something that makes her feel uncomfortable. However, respect and consideration need to be taken when handling such a sensitive subject having to do with someone else’s culture and valued family traditions, especially when you are marrying into that family. I know if I behaved in this way, my parents would be SO embarrassed and disappointed in me. And there is zero chance they would respond in such a dismissive and condescending way like this bride’s mother did. It seems like the overall attitude is we don’t do things this way in our family, so anything else is “wrong”, “stupid” and “tacky”. I would have completely been on this bride’s side had she not handled herself in such a horribly disrespectful manner. I cannot imagine the relationship between them ever being good moving forward, unless she apologizes and changes her ways. Her poor fiancé being caught in the middle 😕

View Quoted Comment Did them calling her negatively impact her recovery? I know you're irritated, but the things they are doing just don't rise to the level of uninviting/no contact for me. You should be doing your best to maintain good relationships with your fiances family. Is that sometimes impossible? Yes. But in this case, it seems very possible.


This story doesn't even crack the top 50 FMIL stories I've heard related to weddings. My mom's mother-in-law invited kids to the wedding over their explicit instructions. My FMIL threatened not to come to the wedding if we didn't invite her family, even though we literally can't because of covid restrictions. We both worked through these way worse situations and still have a good relationship.
If you needlessly blow up relationships with FH's family, you're hurting him and any future kids you might have. Take a deep breath and think about what you're doing.
And frankly, if you can't handle conflict with his family at such a low level, maybe you aren't ready to be married.

View Quoted Comment Completely agree. What right does anyone have to mock someone else's family traditions?

I would have your FH step in and put a stop to this, since this is his family. Some cultural traditions are outdated for a reason. Having a crowd of people serenading you in an apron of all things? This sounds very misogynistic and sexist. I like the PP's idea of finding some other Polish tradition to incorporate instead. Or maybe have the DJ/band just play that song for people to dance to without any of the apron nonsense. Or serve a Polish appetizer? But I mean, the fact that they're not contributing financially at all to the wedding means they shouldn't be demanding anything in the first place...

So I originally came here to say I HAAAAATE that song...but I read through all the comments and felt I could maybe provide more.

I'm Polish, my family on my mom's side is 100% Polish. My FH's family is also Polish (just more of a mixed bag than my family is) and I will tell you...Polish people, women especially, are VERY stubborn when it comes to wanting things done their way, so it honestly doesn't surprise me to hear that she called everyone, threw a fit and made a big deal out of you not wanting to participate in this tradition. Sounds exactly like something my grandmother would do, to be honest. Polish people are very prideful and really like to stick to their traditions and beliefs, even if the outside people don't want to do it. That being said, has your fiance stepped in at all and said to his family that this isn't happening? Sorry if you already mentioned it, I just don't recall seeing that anywhere. Because if he hasn't, he needs to say something to her so she stops before it gets even worse than it is now. She needs to be put in her place, but unfortunately by you reacting the way you are, she will probably just continue to make this a big thing and not stop. Your fiance really needs to be on your side here. If he is and she's still doing this, then maybe you do need to sit him down and discuss what his family is doing, how it's making you feel, and what the consequences will be if she doesn't stop. If there is some kind of compromise you can make that you would be comfortable with, I would maybe try for that, like offering a traditional Polish dish at a wedding or playing a traditional Polish song at the wedding. My fiance's sister did this for her Portuguese in-laws and it was actually really fun to watch them dance a traditional Portuguese dance.

Fiance called his mom, told her the tradition isn't happening, to knock off the harassment and to apologize to my mom immediately. His mother immediately began whining about their being no Polish representation at all. He said he was the Polish representation and left it at that.

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Allie, btw, thank you for this insight.

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Thank you-I also feel it is sexist and misogynistic!

Are there any other traditions that you could compromise with her with? You shouldn't do anything that you don't feel comfortable with, but you should also understand that your FMIL's feelings are legitimate, even if she is taking things a little overboard you don't agree with them.


You keep saying that these are not your family traditions. But your fiance's family is your family now. Having to explain traditions to your family isn't a good enough reason to not do any of them IMO, and your family should be respectful that your fiance and his family come from a different background than them.

From now on, my fiance will be talking to his family. I am done. It will be up to him if he wants to do traditions. If he decides to, we will have a discussion and go from there. I am open to what he wants.

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You're welcome! Glad to hear he talked to her and put an end (hopefully) to it all!

Of course they have an interest in it, they would be part of it. The boundaries of Poland, Galicia, Ukraine, and Silisia ( Prussia) have changed back and forth greatly in 200 years. We have family from Galicia who identify with many things Polish, who do this Apron dance. It is not the same as a money dance at all. As they practice it, it is when the older generation, usually groom's parents, give their blessing to the marriage and wish them well , and a woman puts on her apron, a fancy embroidered half skirt, not an everyday work apron. And B and G dance around to happy popular songs through the guests and are touched on the way by and blessed. There is always a little variation, but this is how it was done under the polish in these places in the 50 years before the biggest migration of people from there to the US in history. ... I can understand you not doing it. But you seem to be doing it out of ignorance, equating an apron with being a maid or servant.

This bride, in a red, blue and Gold vest over a white hand embroidered dress from her family, has put on this fancy embroidered half skirt apron with fine tatted laces it may jave taken 200 hours to make. So, MIL welcomes bride of her son. Then the couple dance and are blessed by older relatives first. ( Catholic, country style.) ...It would be nice if you or your Fi showed some understanding of the welcoming aspect of this dance, by parents and others, and explain that just as FI has been raised to this, you have been raised in the customs of your own people, and would feel very uncomfortable doing this. Your post here does not show any respect, but to fairly talk to FMIL, you need to. Because it is different, does not make it awful.

I don't want to do because I feel it is sexist and yes, I also feel it is corny. It is not for me. Thank you for explaining it to me, but I will not be doing this. It is way too old fashioned for my taste. My fiance, as he said will be the Polish representation at our wedding.

That is not good enough for his mother. This morning, she sent me via email, a video of the dance being performed at various family weddings. I told my fiance to please reiterate for the millioneth time I will NOT be doing this. His mother is only making me angrier by doing this. She needs to let it go. She has a daughter who I am sure will be carrying on all their family traditions at her wedding. She needs to be happy with that and leave me and this wedding alone, especially as she is not paying at all.

Also, I am not Catholic and it will not be a Catholic ceremony.

View Quoted Comment Judith just explained that the roots of the tradition aren't sexist though...


Not saying you should do it, but you seem to be enjoying raging against your future in-laws, trashing their traditions, and looking down on them. It's scary.