Funds, funds and more funds.

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Makes sense. And it’s definitely not rude, since the registry will have other items, and you aren’t asking anyone to “pay for your wedding”. But also keep in mind it may not necessarily put a huge dent in your expenses and you’ll have to be okay with that. When it comes to feeding all those guests, the sticker shock is real, so it’s totally understandable why you’d be concerned, but there are ways to manage it.

View Quoted Comment It’s not that we can’t afford the wedding with 100+ people. I was asking as an option whether it was okay to make a funding link for small donations here and there from family and friends. The majority of our family and friends are gifting money, if they haven’t already. I just needed a simple yes or no on whether a funding link was a good option for those who are sending money now or in the future to make it easier on everyone. But I see that that isn’t a good option. So it won’t be done.

View Quoted Comment I don’t mind paying for everyone. It’s a huge cost but they are coming to celebrate our wedding so I get it. I also didn’t mean “pay for my wedding” in the sense that everyone would be donating large amounts of money. In reality, I’m getting a lot of texts and questions about “where do we send money if we aren’t going to make it” or people are wanting to assist with some of the costs. I just wanted to know if it was okay to make some kind of donation link and send them all to that instead of having to download a bunch of different money transferring apps. But you have to perfect fix with just doing a funding in the registry. Thank you.

View Quoted Comment No. Please do not ask your guests to finance any of your wedding. That includes a cash bar at the reception which does not go over well in many circles.

View Quoted Comment I’ve googled it and it depends on your culture for money dances, money trees and cash bars on whether it will go over well or not. Some people actually like the money tree and the money dance because they have some type of significance. And the cash bars are just a way to limit people from drinking too much. We don’t really plan on doing any of those things. I thank you for your input.

Asking people to subsidize your wedding in any way is rude. This includes them paying for their dinner, cash bars, venmo/paypal links, honey funds, wishing wells, money trees etc.

If someone chooses to gift money, great. Send a thank you note and move on.

One way to go about this is to not register for physical gifts. People will gift money instead.

Hmmmmmm I wouldn’t do it. People might contribute but it’s not a good look at all.

If someone OFFERS to send you money, give them your mailing address and send a thank you card. This isn't that hard to do for free money.


A donation link that's out there is soliciting

View Quoted Comment So not assume anyone is gifting you money, or anything. While most people do, some do not and many may give less than it sounds like you may be expecting. Expect $0 in gifts. It’s your business what you spend on your wedding, it’s not your business to assume what or how much someone gifts you.

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I agree , that's the more straight forward way of saying it.

There are other alternatives though. People have the most beautiful micro weddings.

I feel like you are focusing WAY too much on what people might give you. Instead, just plan the wedding that you and your future spouse both want and can easily afford. People will gift you money without you having to solicit it in any way, and that will be nice (and once they give it, you can use it however you like).

But the minute you start planning based on what you think/hope/wish people might/should/are able to give you, is the minute you are looking at your wedding as a way to make money instead of how you want to celebrate with your loved ones.

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Money dance is very culture dependent. If you've never seen it or heard of it, then it's not your culture.

Money trees are soliciting funds from guests. Not etiquette-appropriate, but in some circles they're done. I've only ever seen a few on these boards. They're generally not viewed well.

Cash bars are just passing off the cost of the party to your guests. The trope of limiting people from drinking is just an excuse for not hosting your guests. People shouldn't have to pay for things at an event that you've invited them to attend. The reception is to thank your guests for their support at the ceremony, and making them pay flies in the face of that.

View Quoted Comment There is a difference between a “gift” which is optional and comes from the heart and someone asking for a “handout”. It is tacky and I can assure you people will be displeased by it.

View Quoted Comment Perfectly explained!

It is absolutely tacky to crowdfund your wedding.

Build a budget based on what you can afford and what your priorities are. It might mean having a smaller wedding, skipping the honeymoon, or giving up "extras" like a second reception dress, extravagant florals, or guest favors.

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Your comment on cash bars is spot on. The argument about limiting the drinking doesn’t fly because that’s what drink tickets are for.

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Thank you!

Technically drink tickets are also not as good as a bartender.

That's what a bartender is for. : )

There’s also the argument that is often made that “Cover your plate” is not an admission fee. No guest anywhere needs to know what is spent per person on catering/bartending because they don’t sign the contract or pay the expenses. At the same time, people are told “if you don’t give the correct amount equivalent to what the catering cost at minimum, you may as well not attend”. Again that defeats the purpose of the incorrect statement that it isn’t an admission fee. Then if it has to be a specific amount that the couple does not share (and many venues don’t have in house catering so that is not a way to even guess what it costs per person, which is no one’s business unless they are covering the bill as the contract signer) then how is it not an admission fee? Guests should be allowed to attend without a single guilt trip or gaslighting.

No.


Invite the number of guests you can afford to feed.
If you want more and can’t afford it, wait and save.

Hello some people may think it’s rude but We also having over 100 people so We are planning something simple and a little cheap cos everyone at the wedding will not eat all they food