Funds, funds and more funds.

Yes it’s weird.

Well not really weird but tacky and rude.

If you can’t afford to feed 100 guests, don’t invite 100 guests. It’s definitely rude to set up a fund looking for people to essentially pay for your wedding.

GoFundMe is for charities and to help people pay for things like catastrophic medical bills after an accident. Please do not use it to fundraise for your wedding. As Sarah said, do not host 100 people if you cannot afford to. You are inviting people as guests to celebrate with you in an optional celebration. It is rude to ask them for money to do so.

View Quoted Comment I didn’t necessarily mean go fund me in particular. I just meant a donation link in general and that’s the only one I could think of off the top of my head. I also didn’t know it was specifically for medical expenses because I’ve seen other people do it for different reasons. Its not like we can’t afford it. It’s just one of the bigger expenses that would be nice if we didn’t have to pay 100% of. Especially when you try to have a smaller wedding and everyone gets upset because they aren’t in the inner circle of family and friends that would be invited.

But now I know not to do that. Thank you for your answers.

You're paying for over 100 people to eat food to thank them for celebrating you. They don't get to pick the budget or the meal options or the location.


A wedding is an optional party, not a charity. Don't solicit donations.

View Quoted Comment I understand what everyone is saying. I get it. But I’m also wondering: isn’t it the same thing as people doing money trees, dances, etc. at their wedding? Either way they are giving you money for your wedding. It feels like the same thing and yet, I haven’t seen anyone upset about those money dances.

Money dances are usually attached to a person's culture. It is considered rude to have one if it is not a part of your culture. Also, the amount of money you receive from them can be as little as a few dozen dollars to several thousands...again depending on your culture.

I personally find money trees rude as well. However, I always give a physical present for a shower and money for the wedding gift.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. We weren’t planning on doing a money Dance or tree. It’s not a part of our culture that I’m aware of. Honestly, weddings aren’t really a part of my culture either but his family is adamant. I just wanted to know the difference between the dances and asking for donations if people were willing.

View Quoted Comment I personally also think those are tacky, however those are for starting your life after the wedding. They don’t help pay for the actual wedding. And people usually only do a couple bucks for those.
“Donating” is for charities, people don’t donate to weddings.

View Quoted Comment Maybe donate is the wrong word, but I’ve had people send me money for the wedding already. Without asking them, without prompting them. Which means that people do donate to weddings. Or at least they have to mine. I’m just trying to figure out where the line is and what the difference is between people wanting to help by offering money and me putting out a link for them to do so.

View Quoted Comment

The difference is in the way the money is presented - if they send you money without you asking, or if they offer you money, then they have decided they would like to contribute to your wedding BUT if you put a link out, then you are *asking* people to contribute. Since a wedding is optional, you should not be soliciting funds. If you want a wedding, then you need to figure out how many people you can reasonably afford to host, and only host that many - and if people get their feelings hurt by not being invited (which is truly unlikely, weddings are expensive for guests too), then that's on them. If you have a more casual feeling wedding (BBQ, Italian, etc. catering, done as a buffet, beer and wine instead of liquor, that sort of thing) then you'll be able to afford to host more people.

View Quoted Comment The difference is pan handling vs a generous offer. Guests should never be asked/persuaded/“given the option” of funding your wedding. Funds should never be brought up to guests. If a loved one wants to contribute to your wedding, they will offer, unprompted.

Okay. Thank you for all of your answers.

Maybe what you mean is some sort of cash fund or honey fund? I know some people don’t like them, but we had a few (4) different cash funds on our registry through the Knot, in addition to normal registry items. One for a future home down payment and a couple for honeymoon activities. Basically just an alternative for people who would otherwise give a cash or check as a wedding gift. Some people used them, most didn’t. Either way, you don’t want to ask people to donate help fund your wedding…even if that’s what cash wedding gifts ultimately might go toward.

View Quoted Comment That’s exactly what I meant. Thank you.

I don’t think a Go Fund Me would be a good look. Maybe consider adding a cash fund or gift cards to your registry instead, but make sure to add other stuff too.

View Quoted Comment Yeah that’s what I meant. I just couldn’t figure out what it was called or how I was supposed to add it to the registry but I’ve got it now.

A GoFundMe is for medical emergencies. A wedding is optional. If couples cannot afford 100+ guests for dinner, they either cut down to 10+ most important people they can afford to host with their own money or serve cake and coffee instead of dinner. Another option is taking a second job, cutting back on regular life expenses (take your lunch and coffee from home every day instead of buying when you go out, etc) or wait a few months while you set money aside in a savings account. Don’t ask anyone on your guest list for money, period. Many people don’t give cash gifts so don’t put all your hopes on those.