Friends no more

I am just so hurt by this,.. she has always been a selfish kind of person but now she is taking my wedding and making it about her... it is just making me feel terrible about my self honestly...

Why isn't she in your bridal party if you've been BEST friends with her for 16 years?

First off: take a deep breath. I've been in a similar situation, and it takes your breath away a little bit.

Second: based on what you've described, it sounds like she's a bit self-centered and isn't great at communication, while you've been trying to keep the communication channels open.

Is this a friendship you want to continue? No one else can answer that. If it is, maybe give her a day or two to chill out, then send her a casual text or phone call. If you don't make a big deal out of it, maybe it'll pass and you can regain the friendship. At least you'll have made the effort.

I wouldn't really call that a "best friend" if she blocked you from all social media (which I think is childish) most likely she will not rsvp to your wedding. I myself had to drop my "best friend" because like you I always put effort into our friendship and she didn't sooo...BYE!!! Don't forget this is your wedding don't stress over childish people. Good luck

I'm sorry you're hurt. I'm a little confused too as to why your best friend of 16 years isn't in your BP. If your reasoning is that you assumed she wouldn't drive out to be a part of an appt you needed her for, then do you think it would have been a good idea to ask her if she would?

She does sound like she's acting a bit juvenile and not communicating in the most effective way.

I don't understand what appointments your bridal party is expected to attend. Honestly she really would have only needed to go to the BM dress appointment. If someone I was best friends with for 16 years got married and didn't include me, I would be hurt and probably would feel like we aren't as close as I thought we were. If you want the friendship to continue, I would try to find a way to reach out to her (call, text, get in the car and drive to her location) and try to talk it out. Could she have been better at communicating with you? Probably but it sounds like this friendship has been this way for a while, why would she expect it to change now (especially if you haven't mentioned an issue before now)?

So, if Im understanding this correctly-you didn't ask her to be in your bridal party because she lives an hour away and you thought it would be too much for her because she doesn't seem interested in the drive any other time? I feel like if this were my best friend, I would have asked her and let her decide if it's too much. I'm also with Sarah, what appointments do you need her to be at? Honestly, all anyone in the wedding party is required to do is get a dress and show up. Anything beyond that is great, but not required. I think people expect it to be like the movies, where their girls are with them every single step of the way. That being said, I'm sure she would have participated and taken a bigger interest since it's your wedding and not just dinner. You should have at least talked to her before counting her out and I understand why she would be upset if you were that close for so long.

Asking the same question. You said this is your best friend of 16 years and you are not including her in the wedding party? I think we know why she is blocking you - you severed the friendship by not including her.

Obviously you have your reasons for not inviting her to be in your bridal party. Maybe she just had her heart set on it. Anyway, it does sound like the friendship requires a lot of nurturing on your part and it's okay if you cannot handle it right now. We have people come in and out of our lives for many reasons afterall. Planning a wedding can be really consuming and it can make it challenging to give a friendship (especially a long distance one) a ton of attention. Maybe it is a good time to step back from the friendship and evaluate if this is someone who you want to continue a relationsip with. Sorry if that is a bit rambly.

It sounds like it has become a very one sided friendship, but if you still considered her your "best friend" why wouldn't you talk to her about being in the bridal party instead of assuming she wouldn't want to be there?

I'll admit, I'd be pretty upset with my best friend if she didn't at least talk to me before making that decision and cutting me out. I wouldn't go so far as to block her from my life, but I my feelings would definitely be hurt.

I too am confused, she's only an hour away. There's people on here with BM/MOHs that are across the country from them, or even in a different country.

I do agree that she may have not communicated with you in the best way though.

I went through something similar with an old friend, but she wasn't as straightforward about how she felt. She changed her rsvp when she found out she wasn't going to be a bridesmaid, even though she never returns my calls and I only see her once every 2 years or so. I called her up and hashed it out with her, reassuring her that I still value her friendship and she's important to me and that not asking her to be in my bridal party isn't a message that I don't want to be friends anymore. She understood, and I understood where she is coming from. She's still not coming to the wedding (also a money issue since she'd have to fly across the country) but I'm glad we talked and now at least our friendship is safe.

Yeah, that's weird. If y'all are best friends I would think she'd be in your BP if not your maid of honor...

Because i had kind of brought it up when my FH and i started talking about getting engaged and she didnt seem interested stating money and time were an issue. Also i didnt mean appts i meant wedding parties like my shower and my bach and the reversal dinner. Also she claims i am her best friend but i always contact first and it take forever to get a hold of her. Its just things that she said to me about it and the way it was handled that hurt me. ALso i agree it is childish of her to block me on social media. It doesnt make any sense to me why she did that.

Friendships are reciprocal. If she hasn't made the effort in over 4 years I'd say let this one go. It sucks and some of us have been there--having to let someone go but sometimes it's better.

So first, I completely agree that friends grow apart. I think in your case it may have been that you were friends for 16 years, and some of those years were as BFFs. However, people seriously change & so do their priorities. If you felt that she demonstrated a lack of consistency over several of those years then you can revoke the "BEST FRIEND" title because now she is simply a "friend". Trust me, just because you know someone for over a decade and were once BFFs doesn't mean you have to carry that title into the new friendship environment, especially if it's changed. It doesn't really sound like she is being the greatest of friends in the first place. Stand your grown, and don't worry about inviting her. My sorority sister of 11 years who I call my "Twin" did not make the wedding party cut. Instead, I put her in my House Party & she will be helping me out at the wedding (particularly at the Reception). I wasn't in her wedding party, and initially I felt offended but I realized, that maybe there were other people she felt were closer to her & we are still AMAZING today!

I still feel like you should have asked her to be a bridesmaid and she could have turned down your invitation if she wasn't interested. 16 years is a long time to be best friends and then to not be asked to stand with that friend on her wedding day; I would probably be hurt to.

Uh I think she isn't a BM because she hasn't shown effort and accountability. Yes, I know BM's aren't slaves but if she doesn't even want to come to a bday once in 4 years what makes anyone think she'd show up to buy her own damn dress?

I would let it go until the RSVP date rolls around, if she hasn't sent hers in then follow up with her just like you would any other guest. if you get no response or a negative/nasty one then you know where the relationship lies and you should let it die.

I'm guessing her behavior is a reaction to being, in your words, a best friend of almost two decades who wasn't asked to be a part of your bridal party. The fact that she told you she wasn't coming to your shower because she wasn't included in the bridal party tells you everything you need to know. I don't know why you're "baffled" by her response. It's obvious she never thought of telling you that she wouldn't attend if she, your best friend, wasn't a part of your bridal party because she never even considered not being a part of your bridal party (she probably assumed she was going to be MOH).

She's reacting to your decision -- all of which is backed up by your excuses that "she's an hour away, hasn't made an effort to meet me for dinner", etc. If she told you she's not attending your shower and has blocked you from social media, she's sent her decline loud and clear. She has no intention of attending your wedding.

Yes, people grow and move on. However, when those milestone moments of life occur -- not meeting for dinner -- best friends tend to move heaven and earth to show their loyalty. Sorry, in this case, you sent the message of demotion. She merely followed up accordingly.

This is sucky. I'm sorry it's happening. I have an awkward friend sitch, too, and it can really hurt. I hope you can smooth things out some, if not all the way.