Friends no more

I'm sorry you are going through this but I see her side of it. I would be really hurt to not get asked to be in my best friends bridal party.

Ms_transformU......what is a house party?

Im really sorry if this sounds harsh, but this is what happens when brides expect too much of their bridedmaids. Mine are spread around the country; I have no expectations that they'll come to any appointment or any event other than the wedding. If this is your best friend of 16 years, I dont blame her one bit for being pissed you left her out.

that said, I have a friend who i was very close with from elementary through high school, but I havent seen her in at least 2 years and we rarely talk. still, she was expecting to be in my BP. I didnt ask her because we're not close anymore. After getting over the initial hurt, she understood Are you and your friend still close? It sounds like the only reason you didnt ask her is distance

I have a friend that I have known for 16 years, yes, she is my best friend. But, I would include them in the wedding. They have stayed in your life for 16 years.....if I were her I would be extremely hurt. So I feel her way of thinking. I would still invite her and maybe try to get together with her before the wedding soy out guys can talk. It is obvious that she has hurt feelings and is upset. You don't want to lose a friend of 16 years.

I think your friend is hurt, and she's acting on those feelings. Honestly, I don't really understand why you didn't include her in the bridal party. It sounds like you pre-emptively decided that she wasn't going to show interest. I'm not sure that was fair, but that ship has sailed now.

No bridesmaid is need for every wedding appt. My one bridesmaid lives in a different state and another lives 3 hours away. I don't expect them to come for anything other than the wedding itself and to the store to buy their dresses. Other than that, if they can make it, great. If not, no biggie, we all have lives to live.

If she was your best friend for 16 years you should've asked her to be in your wedding party, just to be courteous.

It's still your day, don't be upset.

I don't get why she's not in the bridal party and/or why you anticipated that she wouldn't drive to appointments she really doesn't have to come to anyway.

Yes, people do grow apart, but you described her as your best friend. Having lost my best friend several years ago, I can tell you, they don't grow on trees. Seems that the trouble started long before this and neither of you tried to mend the fence (I am just full of metaphors tonight!)

You let her know where she stands, and she did the same. It's a bittersweet cupcake, but you had a hand in making it. So either fix it or live with it.

I understand that you're hurt and I'm sorry if this is harsh but those are pretty weak excuses to not put your "best friend" of 16 years. Not many people can say that about people in their lives. Not for nothing, I would assume I would be in someone's bridal party if we were best friends for 16 years.

I have a bridesmaid who lives in Texas and if she can make it to any events well that's great, if not I'll just be happy when she shows up at my wedding in her dress and stands next to me because we have been best friends through enough shit that she is worth only seeing once a year.

I think you should assume she isn't coming if she's treating you with such disrespect. If you feel like you want to salvage this friendship that seems one sided explain your reasons as to why you chose to leave her out of the bridal party. In my opinion, you really shouldn't have to justify anything to her, and if she's that quick to drop you as a friend, then she's not the kind of friend you want in your life anyway. I'm sorry:-( It's still sad. Weddings either make or break friendships for some odd reason.

OP, I think it's bizarre that you think 1 hour away is too far for bridal party participation.

My closest bridal party member is 1 hour away. Lol we have some that live in Texas and California.

Just wanted to say that to give a little perspective.

Celia wrote, "Having lost my best friend several years ago, I can tell you, they don't grow on trees." I have two women in my life -- one I've known for 45 years, and other I've known for 42 years. We might get together three times a year, but when we do, it's as though the clock stopped the last time we saw each other, and restarted once we met again. These women know things about me -- things that happened in adolescence, high school years, post-high school, etc., etc., etc. Now, we're all hitting our 56th birthdays this year. As you age, you begin to realize how unusual it is to have one of these friends, let alone two.

They do not grow on trees. They are irreplaceable. When either of these two women passes (or maybe I'll be first), I will fear the loss. If I could share any message with another woman, probably younger, it is this -- cherish these women. Cherish them. Life is filled with lots of acquaintances and more than a few enemies. If you are still connected to a woman who has known you before you were technically a woman, then thank God, the universe, fate, or whomever. The thought of tossing a 16 year friendship because of a wedding (not a Supreme Court nomination or anything close to it) boggles my mind. These friendships take time to nurture, and if you will invest the time, the rewards will overwhelm you.

Well it looks like the best friends card has expired a long time ago. When only one person seems to always be there for the other but the other can't return the favor, it's not really a friendship at all. I see why you didn't ask her to be a BM and at this point she was just someone you knew for 16 years. Trying to continue the relationship with this person would not be worth time or effort anyways because you end up signing yourself up for disappointment. She will remain self centered and had already shown you that so it can't get any bettet. For her to get upset about the issue is just dumb. Move on to bigger and better things besides her.

I totally understand how you feel. I'm going through something similar right now too only my friend who isn't communicating with me or making an effort is in my bridal party.

I'm curious if other friends are in your BP. If so, that could be seen as hurtful to her. For me I wanted to cut out BP stress on myself and my friends so I just did my two sisters and my niece. The friend that I was closest to at the time had voiced how she never wanted to be a BM again because of an experience she had with another friend. So I don't think not including someone should be a friendship ending move. You could have really thought it would have strained the relationship. Just give it some space.