Friends as vendors

I'd always be leery to do business with a friend because if things go wrong you would ruin that relationship. If they are absolutely your first choice and you know they do amazing work and you would be disappointed to go with anyone else, then that's something to consider. But overall I would rather go with someone I can keep a business relationship with.

I say hair and makeup is fine. If they are professionals. Everything else, leave it to business.

Professional vendors are (or certainly should be): experienced, insured, reliable, and focusing on you two that day.

A friendor will run into someone s/he knows at the reception and will stop taking pics to chat or get sidetracked into a conversation on the way to the kitchen, etc.

We're having two friendors, possibly three. Contracts will be used! they're all members of our church though.

I do see the importance of using 3rd party though

One is our Officiant, but he is also our ordained preacher and we have a very close relationship with him anyway, and he is very professional.

2nd is our DJ, FH DJs with him part time and I've been to a few of their gigs as an assistant. They're rated here very highly on WW.

and the potential 3rd is our photographer. She took one set of anniversary pics and we loved them! the second time we got anniversary pics, they were just okay.. the exposure was off and we just didn't like them. Then I used her for my professional head shots, and I loved them again. We're going to use her for engagement pics to see if we want her for the wedding too, her wedding portfolio is beautiful.

Additionally with a pro you can ask for a refund or partial refund for sucky service. You can't do that with a friend.

It can be done if you treat them like vendors and they treat you like clients. That means contracts deposits etc. As long as they do this they it will work out. I've done weddings for friends because they have seen my work, so they told me they weren't even going to look, they wanted me. BUT I acted exactly like I would with a stranger I always give them something for free (lighting, monogram etc) But I never tell them I'm doing it. I do it as a gift. But there are no "hookups" or discounts and I think my friends have enough respect for me and my work to not ask.

IMO it all depends on the friendor. My FH is a photographer so choosing someone has been a HUGE deal. We're using a friendor who has been a second shooter for FH, we are very familiar with his work, and he knows us both. Not that a regular vendor couldn't do the job well, but 1. trust is a huge issue for us and 2. rapport is very important. We're using a friendor for our invites and it's been a great experience plus it's saving us money and frees me up from doing them, which was my initial plan. FH's aunt is our officiant, zero worries there.

We have contracts with the photographer and invite vendor. Don't use a friendor strictly to save yourself money, if you're not careful it could be more trouble than it's worth. You can be a friend and client at the same time, it's all about the way you handle the interaction. Don't go into it as any kind of "favor" in mind...treat them like a professional and they'll treat you like a client.

Maybe ask them for recommendations instead of using them. Friendors are a good way to end friendships.

My FH DJ's friends weddings (sometimes even second weddings) all the time. He has a contract and he treats them like any other client(s), thought he may give some a discount from time to time.

I really think it depends on the person in general and what you really consider a "friend".

We are using a few people we know for wedding services and things have been great. They are treating us like any other client. I don't expect special treatment because I know these people. This is how they pay their bills and I understand that. I think it is all about having a mutual respect whether you know your vendor or not.

To be honest, there is one person I was going to use as a "friendor" but now deciding against just because I have seen a pattern with her and other people. I am saving myself the trouble in the long run because I don't need that drama.

I am using a "friendor" for our photographer. I have known her for 10 years, and she is an established wedding photographer. We treated her the same as our other vendors in that we signed a contract and put down a deposit. We really loved our engagement photos! I wouldn't choose a friend if I didn't like their work. We just happened to luck out with her.

I have a couple of random potential "friendors" and while budgeting the thought of reaching out to them is super tempting, but then I wonder how comfortable I am initiating a business relationship with them... and I'm totally not. Money is a sticky subject. Business is a risk. When people are putting money into a service, it is important that both parties remain professional, on the producer's side AND the consumer's side. I would dread having to confront my friend more so than I would a complete stranger...because professionals just don't take things personally. Not saying a friendor can't be a professional. I personally feel like I'm investing SO. MUCH. MONEY. into this day, that I simply don't want to have to worry about any potential awkwardness like that, haha!

THAT SAID, I am pretty sure the photographer for our wedding will be a girl who I've been friends with on facebook for a loooong time, because, like, 7 years ago she dated a co-worker of mine. So yeah, almost NO relationship, but her work looks amazing, and she ended up quoting me about a $500 discount! She's still charging me an arm and a leg like any other self-respecting wedding photographer would, but it was a really nice gesture, and completely unexpected. She has been super professional during our entire correspondence! So maybe you could look for friends of friends, or "distant" friendors, I guess. You might be surprised!

My best friend is a wedding photographer and she is my maid of honor. She has INSISTED she be allowed to do the photography. We are having a second shooter though as my MOH will not be able to shoot the ceremony. I love both of their work... In general, I am of the same mind of not mixing business with pleasure... but its hard to say no to someone who I love and really want her to take the shots. She knows and loves my FH as a couple and finds the best moments of love to get us in!

The Friendor thing is definitely not something people here are a fan of. Here are my two cents for what they're worth:

1) Don't use Friendors that you cannot COMPLETELY trust.

2) Don't use Friendors that approach you, if you wouldn't honestly want their services. We had a friend message us that he would give us a steep discount on photography as he's looking to start getting into the wedding business as a pro. I didn't want him to be our photographer, and am not a fan of his style. He's a guest, and I hope he won't be offended that we've got two kids that I really do love the style of.

3) Don't be afraid to use family friend references. The photographers I did go with are the granddaughter and friend of a work colleague and friend of mine. They are trustworthy, reliable, and do a great job.

4) If they are pros at what they do, but happen to be friends, it's not a big deal. We hired an acquaintance bartender, who is a great bartender, and will literally know 50% of our crowd. It couldn't be more perfect.

5) For officiants -- I strongly disagree that this *has* to be a professional or a polished speaker even. This is something that simply needs to be someone who is meaningful to you both. If they goof, it's ok. If you're married at the end of the day, and the sentiment spoke to you, that's what counts. This is not a theater, it is a meaningful wedding production. Definitely NOT a performance.

Think about this, if you don't their service, if you have a critique or want to make a demand would you feel comfortable doing it with those people? May it put a strain on the friendship? If so, don't do it.

If you DO use them, do it because you like their work, and pay their regular rates. Don't do it to save money or get a friend discount. This will reduce the possibilities of conflict. You pay full price, they feel like they are hired, not doing a favor and thus you have more room demands/critiques, etc.

Friendors are a great way to be left hanging on your wedding day when someone decides they can't or won't make it last minute, because most people pay cut rates and don't sign contracts. You're better off just hiring a vendor with no emotional or relationship ties. How do you think you're going to feel if after the wedding you hate the photos from your photographer, or they screw them up? Are you going to be willing to go through the process of getting things fixed when it could mean the friendship is dissolved? If the answer to that is no, don't use them.

I had two friendors involved, but it was much more about giving business to people I know and like than it was about getting good rates or a discount. I found an invitation on Vistaprint I really liked but it didn't come in the right colours, so I got a graphic designer friend to create our invitation based on that - she charged me her usual hourly rate of $50 (it literally only took her an hour because I knew exactly what I wanted!). The other one was our cake baker; baking is a side business for her and while she did give me a good rate, she's not overly expensive anyway.