Friends as vendors

Honestly my original plan was to use a friend as our photographer and we had to drop him because after we did our engagement shoot with him he never sent us the pictures (shoot was done Nov 2014 and we only received one picture). This isn't always the case but it could happen because since you're a friend they may feel that you don't have to be treated as an actual 'client'.

I would hire a third party person to do it. Friends as vendors usually don't go over well. You will get mix options on this topic most would say hire a third party to do the photography and ect for your wedding .

I say no to friendors unless you have a legal binding contract. Even then, it's iffy.

Friends as vendors don't tend to go well and besides you wouldn't want your friends working on your wedding day

Don't do it! I just had my DJ bail with a little over 2 months to go. We are not friends, but I dated his BIL for three years.

He basically made a business decision to do an annual party that he does over my wedding that he agreed to over a year ago.

I would feel awkward asking people I knew to work at a wedding. Its like they're good enough in their profession but not good enough to be invited. It's harder to be objective and say if you don't like something they are doing also.

I would go pro all the way with photography. You said that they wouldn't be invited to your wedding anyway. Are they professionals? If they are professionals, and they wouldn't otherwise be invited, I say it's fine. Also take into consideration how much you actually value their services. We hired one 'friendor', my brother's college roommate, to be the DJ. I sent him the list of songs I wanted played. He and my brother rented the equipment that was needed (we paid for it) and he did a decent job. The thing is, I didn't really care too much about the DJ. I just needed someone who could play some music and work a microphone. He was great at both.

Now, the photography was important to me, so I wasn't going to leave that to a "friendor" although I had some options. Like I said, as long as they are professionals, I think it's find to hire them.

ETA: As long as they are professionals, and wouldn't feel slighted about not getting an invite...

Don't do it! I was going to use FH's BFF DJ to do our wedding and after thinking about it more and more I decided against it. He was willing to do it all for free too. So now we just blew our budget. But I want peace of mind.

We hired two friends (well, one friend, one friend's wife). Both are 100% professionals in their fields.

Our caterer is lucky we didn't sure her (friend's wife). No longer friends with the husband.

The baker insisted we only pay for the ingredients (which weren't cheap) but we paid him 2x as a gift to say thank you.

Caterer highlights: Charged us 2x what was agreed, took money from my drunken father, got drunk herself, left a mess, didn't do 50% of what was promised, did a poor job in what she did do.

Baker: We had no specifications for our cake at all. We got this beauty.

It can go either way. Not worth the risk, IMO, and it's hard to tell a friend they did a shit job.

Go with a third party. This is why:

1. You want to have a professional relationship with your vendor. You want to walk into their office (or wherever), see them for the first time, shake their hand, and introduce yourself. When that's the scenario, YOU, the client, are in the position of power. The vendor is now responsible for eliciting your confidence in their ability to deliver what you're looking for. Use a friend (or a friend of a friend or family member) and that first meeting will have an entirely different feel. A "friendor" will often be chosen because they have something that matters to all engaged couples -- a discount. The promise of a discount puts your friendor in the position of power. He/She will always believe that they are doing you a favor, and that attitude strips you of your power as an employer (which is what you are when you're hiring vendors). If they don't respond to your questions quickly enough? They're doing you a favor, so stop complaining or pay full price. If they don't seem to take your concerns seriously enough? They're doing you a favor, so stop complaining, or pay full price. If they blow it on the wedding day and don't deliver what you believed you were going to get? They're doing you a favor, so stop complaining and pay full price.

2. You want a contract with your vendor. That's what you're supposed to get when you pay your friendor a deposit. In fact, you want a comprehensive contract that fully details what you are to receive for the payments you've made. Friendors tend to want to keep it more casual -- as in, a handshake is good enough -- after all, you're friends, right? Try enforcing that oral contract in court if the friendor blows it.

3. Are you willing to enforce the terms of a contract if you're disappointed with the friendor's work? It will cost someone a relationship if you try to take a friendor to small claims court. It might be your friendship, it might be your spouse's friendship, or it might be your in-law's friendship...but if you take a friendor to small claims court for breach of contract, someone is going to pay. Most likely, you will be strongly encouraged to leave it alone and consider it a life lesson.

I urge you to use a professional, not a friendor. A professional will see you as an asset, not something he'll use to call in a favor of his/her own in the future. Your wedding is probably the most expensive private party you will ever host -- in your entire life. Don't cut corners with friendors. Use professionals. If you must, consider it a matter of keeping your friends in one part of your life and your business associates in the other.

We hired someone my mom knew to do our engagement photography and it didn't turn out so well. You probably have better odds with a third party IMO.

I have a slightly different perspective, although I agree with no friendors (free or heavily discounted rates).

A close friend and her husband are full-time professional wedding photographers and our doing our wedding. They have a general rule that unless they are in the wedding or it is a family member, they won't commit to attendance (i.e. give up an opportunity to work a wedding in order to attend), so hiring them was the only way to make sure they were there. It's been a great experience so far. She knows me well enough to tell me during our engagement shoot, "That's not your real smile, we are going to stay at this shot until you give me a real one."

My advice if you choose to hire someone you know, both parties need to treat it like any other business transaction. Only hire them if you have looked at other options, prices, and would hire them regardless if you knew them. If they are true professionals, they won't let constructive criticism get in the way of your friendship.

And @Centerpiece for the win (again)!

Centerpiece is right. Every single time I've hired someone recommended to me I've been BURNED. I've learned not to hire my parent's friends for things because that really screwed me over big a couple of times. It sounds so nice---an officiant you know personally; a cake baker you know and love; a photographer giving you an amazing deal...until something goes wrong, and you can't rake them over the coals like you would any other professional, because they're a friendor. Nope nope nope. Hire the strangers with good reviews.

ETA: The screwing over I am talking about is in reference to financial advisors and real estate agents. I knew better when planning my wedding!

It would be under rare circumstances I'd even provide services to a friend, those who I would already know who they are. For the most part, it's a potential mistake and a risk of losing a friendship. It's seldom worth it.

Our officiant was a longtime friends aunt, went fine. She graciously did it twice for me ( hospital and planned day) Cake and flowers were from my coworker, and other than she almost had an accident on way to reception hall and 2 of 5 layers of cake ended up damaged it went fine, I was more worried about her than a cake.

We are using friendors and our DOC told us, from the beginning, to make sure we had contracts. Friend or not, you need a contract with them. If they are professionals, they should have contracts already and be able to provide one you both can sign agreeing to the services.

I want to breathe the same air as Centerpiece!

Don't do it. Even with pros it's a bad idea.

It depends, but I would lean towards no. If you do, definitely have a written contract. I would also research how experienced they are, consider how the relationship would be affected if things go sour, and question how important the service they're providing is to you.

FH is friends with both the pastors in his church, so we kinda had to have a friendor for an officiant. (Outside officiants not allowed)