Friend didn't attend shower

If you have a way to reach out to her. Then reach out to her. Before you talk to her ask yourself if it makes a difference in your day if she is there or not....

I can feel your pain! <3 xoxo much love!

Just an observation:

On one hand, you're saying she's upset because she's not in your wedding, so she didn't come to your shower, and you admit that you're not that close anymore and you barely speak.

But on the other hand, you're hurt that she didn't come to your shower and hasn't RSVP'ed.

Take a step back and look at the situation; if you don't consider HER close enough [anymore] to have her in your wedding, maybe she doesn't feel close enough to YOU anymore to come to your wedding at all...

Just a thought.

Also consider that she might have had a prior engagement and that's why she didn't attend. Even if she was upset about not being a bridesmaid, it doesn't mean that she boycotted your shower because of it.

At least she responded -- I (with the other BMs) threw a shower for 50 invitees this past weekend and 25 of the people didn't respond, and of those, only 5 or 6 returned calls when we followed up. Those 20 people who couldn't be bothered at all are the ones I would question my friendship with.

She truly might've had a prior engagement. How do you know she's upset about not being a bridesmaid? Have you talked to her about it? Sounds like she's more of an acquaintance now anyway, so I wouldn't let yourself get too hurt about it. Would you reach out to her if she hadn't made it to your bday party? You can def talk to her about how you feel about her coming to the wedding, but I would leave the whole not coming to the shower alone...

Thanks for the feedback. I am trying to keep in mind that my wedding is not the most special day of everyone else's lives as well. If she did have another engagement, I would think she would have said something to our friends, but maybe not. I guess I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and see what happens. Thanks.

I am an older bride as well and understanding wanting to keep the wedding party small. I have a sister friend whom we don't talk a lot anymore like we used to. We went from spending the night over eachother's house and hanging out all the time to gradually a few texts here and there, a contact every now and again on facebook and an occasional call. I included her as a bridesmaid. True friendship stands the test of time I feel, whether you talk every day or occasionally, if that person is one you can still call when in trouble or you pick up in conversation right where you left off as if time had not passed. She also has never been married so I didn't feel obligated I just wanted her tehre. Consider tht yoru friend, even though you guys don't hang out or talk as much as before, may have still felt as though you were close and felt hurt especially after including you in her wedding. Granted, if that is the case, she should talk with you about it but I (con't)

I think the fact that you are hurt that she didn't show up may speak to the fact that she might still be more important to you and in your life than you at first thought. Reach out to her and let her know tht you weren't trying to sight her by not having her be a bridesmaid and then ask yourself if having one more person added or not is worth losing a long friendship over. If not a bridesmaid then maybe something she can do to be an active part of the ceremony. Unless you really feel you don't want her a part of your day.

I don't think you owe anyone an explaination as to why they are not in your wedding party. They are not simple as that. I would not make up a place for someone just to make them feel warm and fuzzy.

Assuming all the people getting married are adults they can make their own decisions on who to have stand up with them or not for that matter.

You owe her nothing unless you borrowed cash. Then pay it back and move on.

Everything the ladies said, plus

anyone who insists on being in the WP (if that's what this is actually about) is certifiably insane and needs medical attention ASAP.

Was the RSVP due already? if not you can't worry about that.

in the way of shower, some of my close friends didn't come to mine, not everyone wants to hang out with a bunch of your relatives watching and paying for you to open gifts. She isn't a bridesmaid so she does not have to attend your shower, and if she's hurt all the more reason for her to not come be a downer.

Someone who's already had a wedding should be the most understanding. Planning is stressful and there are a lot of expenses. Quite frankly she's being childish about not being a bridesmaid. It's your day not hers. If she was a good friend she'd pull that stick out of her butt and celebrate your special occasion no matter what her role is. You haven't done anything wrong and have nothing to apologize for. Don't let her attitude bring you down- try not to "own" her feelings.

And have a blast at your wedding!! even if she decides not to come.