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Savvy October 2021

Friend Asking for Plus One

Charmander, on September 16, 2021 at 11:39 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 26
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Hello need your opinion. A friend is asking for a plus one but it is just her girlfriend not a significant other. We have now passed the RSVP date. She is not the closest friend but we have worked together. We are trying to keep the guest list down to the minimum and had only invited family and close friends so we can spread out the tables. I am torn but concerned because of the pandemic and also the high cost of an extra adult plate. Freaking out a little since we haven't even started paying the vendors and their tips yet. Don't want to be a grinch but getting concerned.

26 Comments

Latest activity by Charmander, on October 6, 2021 at 10:15 PM
  • Samantha
    Devoted May 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    Did you originally invite her with a plus one? If yes, I dont think it matters who she brings. If no, then you are totally justified to tell her sorry no

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  • A
    Dedicated October 2022
    AJ ·
    • Flag

    Tell her no, just say due to limited space we cannot accommodate a plus one.

    • Reply
  • C
    Savvy October 2021
    Charmander ·
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    No it was always just her because of the pandemic and the budget. Been going back and forth for a week now because I know how it feels to go solo to a wedding. Thank you for your opinion!

    • Reply
  • A
    Expert June 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    I totally agree with PPs! I just wanted to clarify...when you say "it is just her girlfriend not a significant other," you mean girlfriend as in a platonic friend who happens to be a woman, right? Not like girlfriend/dating/relationship?

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  • C
    Savvy October 2021
    Charmander ·
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    Thanks Allison. That is a good reason. Just wanted to make sure I am not out of line even though everyone tells you the bride can do whatever they want, it's not always realistic if you don't want to be impolite.

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  • C
    Savvy October 2021
    Charmander ·
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    LOL yes Allie. Just a friend. Not a significant other.
    If it was a significant other, I would not be in this quandary.

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  • A
    Expert June 2021
    Allie ·
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    Ah ok! That makes total sense! Just making sure I understood correctly Smiley smile

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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag

    If it's a girlfriend as in significant other I would allow it, otherwise I would say no since you are limiting the number of guests

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    Will she know anyone else at the wedding other than you and the groom? If not, I personally would try to work it out so she can bring a plus one, because I know going to a wedding alone can feel overwhelming, especially if you don't know anyone else there. Otherwise, if you really do not want to/cannot give her a plus one, you are under no obligation. You could say something along the lines of, "Due to limited guest capacity and COVID precautions, we are unfortunately unable to accommodate any additional guests this close to the wedding."
    • Reply
  • S
    Expert September 2022
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    Since it's past the RSVP date I would just say something like "Unfortunately it's past the RSVP date and we already gave the head count to our vendors so we cannot accommodate extra guests."

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  • C
    Savvy October 2021
    Charmander ·
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    Thanks Yasmine! It's just a friend of hers. Trying to keep the guest count low since we will be indoors.

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  • C
    Savvy October 2021
    Charmander ·
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    Thanks Lisa. She will know one person there but mostly not. I've been to weddings alone and know the feeling. Between the pandemic and the cost, it is a dilemma.

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  • C
    Savvy October 2021
    Charmander ·
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    Thanks Sarah. Great answer!

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    A girlfriend is a significant other. If they decide they are an established couple, it’s not your place to question the validity of it. Also you cannot ask them to celebrate your relationship while saying theirs is not valid.


    If this girl was someone she met on Tinder last weekend, that’s one thing. An established girlfriend needs to be recognized as one or don’t invite anyone.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
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    In that case, a plus one is not necessary. But be consistent across the board so that you don’t have some singles without dates invited and others who do get the privilege.


    Many couples don’t invite plus ones, period, because they don’t want and can’t afford random strangers in attendance who only care about free food. That is not poor etiquette.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    It's completely appropriate to invite a single guest without a plus one. Guests who are single do not need accommodations for a date for the evening and can choose to go to the wedding solo or not at all. Asking to be able to bring a random date to a wedding when you weren't explicitly granted one is rude.

    If you grant plus ones, that allows the guest to bring any additional adult as their date. You don't get to determine whether someone is worthy of that plate based on whether they are a romantic interest, a friend, or a sibling.

    Keep in mind plus ones are not significant others, and anyone in a committed relationship should be invited along with their SO.

    I would tell the friend that her invitation is for her only and that you hope she still chooses to attend. You should not feel guilty for not giving a plus one.

    • Reply
  • Ashlee
    Expert September 2022
    Ashlee ·
    • Flag

    This is hard because you said she'd only know one other person, so normally, I'd be like "yeah let her bring them to have someone they know and makes them more comfortable" but in this case being past the rsvp date and with covid, I would say that unfortunately you've already given final headcounts to your vendors as it's past the rsvp date and due to those limitations and covid precautions, you can't make any exceptions at this point.

    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Dedicated October 2021
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    Just say sorry, we aren’t doing plus ones for our event.
    • Reply
  • C
    Savvy October 2021
    Charmander ·
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    Thanks Ashlee for your idea. That's a good legit reason.

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  • C
    Savvy October 2021
    Charmander ·
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    Thanks Hannah for the straight and simple answer. Didn't think I would encounter this with a small group wedding.

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