Formal Invitation Question

I did Mr and Mrs John and Jane Smith. I'm not sure if that's correct (as opposed to Mr John and Mrs Jane), but I think it's perfectly reasonable not to want to leave off the woman.

Yes. You can address it to Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith.

I think "Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Smith" sounds more formal. It bothers me, too, but I'd rather keep it short and sweet on an envelope.

It really riles my mother up when she gets a card from my grandmother addressed to her as "Mrs. Michael XXXX". From her own mother!!!! We always have a good chuckle.

This bothered me too. I addressed them "Mr. and Mrs LastName" unless the wife had a title Then it was Title and Mr. Lastname or vice versa.

I had the same problem personally so I addressed my envelopes with the woman's name first. like: Mrs. Jane & Mr. John Smith

I don't know if that is 'correct' and I don't really care, it felt right to me

Many older guests are so used to that formal addressing style that they prefer it and don't want to see something different, so keep they in mind as well.

But I agree with you. I hate that the woman's first name isn't listed. We did Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Smith for the younger generation, and stuck with the traditional wording for the older generation.

You could also go without titles - John and Jane Smith. This is perfectly fine unless your wedding is black tie.

I agree with @MrsToBe, I plan on addressing them as Mr. & Mrs. LastName, unless either has a professional title.

When i addressed my invitations i put (example) Mr. John and Mrs. Jennifer Smith. So it's identifying both. And I places the children underneath them.

FH's widowed grandmother prefers to be addressed as Mrs. Husband'sFirstName Husband'sLastName on formal items.

While we have our own views on what is acceptable and "right", I tried to take into consideration what the addressee would prefer.

Drove me batty that in my mid-40s a friend's parents still addressed mail (Christmas cards) to me as "Miss" because I have never been married. I much preferred "Ms". No matter what you do, someone, somewhere will not be happy about it.

I think the first one is correct- Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith.

The correct way to address it if you do not want to just have his first name and not hers is to omit both first names and make it Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Thanks for starting this thread! FH and I had this argument when our STDs went out. He asked his mom for her opinion because she's really into Emily Post and Miss Manners, and she insisted that Mr. & Mrs. John Doe is fine. We ended up addressing the FIL's STD that way and all of the rest Mrs. & Mr. Jane and John Doe.

FH and I couldn't agree either, so we ended up just omitting the Mr & Mrs on our STD's. But on our invitations, I think we are going to do Mr First name @ Mrs first last name.

Lately we've been discussing how we want to be introduced ... He's all for the traditional "mr & mrs last name" but that makes the feminist in me cringe!

I must admit, I omitted the wife's first name on one of our envelopes, but only because I don't know it!! The invite is for the husband, who is a cousin of FH, and FH has no idea what the wife's name is and doesn't feel comfortable asking. But for all other married folk, I listed "John and Jane Smith" if the husband is the person we know, or "Jane and John Smith" if we know only the wife.

Maybe it's too informal, but mine are addressed "John and Jane Smith". They haven't arrived yet and now I'm scared I screwed up haha

My friend just sent invitations for her October wedding and did "Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith."

I haven't sent out invites yet, but for my STDs, I did "Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith."

Thank you all for the advice! So glad I'm not the only one with this dilemma. It sounds like there are lots of ways to get around it. I like the sound of "Mr & Mrs. John and Jane Smith"... but I may regret that decision by envelope 40... Either way I'm glad I'm not required by etiquette to omit the wife's name.

On my STDs I did either "M/M Smith" "M/M John & Jane Smith" or "John & Jane Smith" - I based in on how I knew them and what sounded right.. but I agree on not omitting the wife - I either included both or omitted both.

I had the same cringe...I too put Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith. If they weren't married or had different last names, I put the woman's name first if I knew them better (i.e. My co-workers).

It’s kind of hilarious that I am so hung up on this now. But, I received two separate wedding invites in the last six months and I can not for the life of me remember how it was addressed or even the stamp used. I only remember realizing that the soon to be husband must have written the one because of the messy handwriting. Now these details that I’m obsessing over, maybe they are not such a big deal after all. But I looked it up because I’m thinking Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Smith for my invites, because I have a hard time thinking people will forget my first name when I get married. 😂 it’s all good, do what you want, because in the end it’s just small stuff I guess.