For those who didn't invite parents

We did not invite my husbands parents to our wedding and we have no regrets. One parent took advantage of him financially it was what would be considered idientity theft . My husband never got an apology until they found out about our wedding . His sister said it was just money but that was not it the point it was the betrayal and lies .They had no empathy what so ever . We also recieved text messages saying terrible lies about us from an unknown number and also recieved messages to try to break us up through a fake profile . His best friends wife did it but she was friends with them at the time . We just felt like we only wanted people their that supported us from the beginning . Now we have reconciled with his parents and have forgiven them . For many reasons now that I’m around them I still. Don’t trust them but I’m at peace and I still have no regret not inviting them I know we would have been divorced the first year if we had . We didn’t talk to them for two years . I forgot to mention that my MIL actually told my Hubby to cancel our wedding once again just thinking of herself and not others . I’ve already accepted she will never apologize to me for trying to stop my wedding after all she did and I will never apologize to her for not inviting them . We had a small wediding and one day we will have a renewal with his family included if things continue to go well which I’m sore they will now that we have our son .

We were ok with his other family members coming but we ended up not inviting them . My husband felt it would put his mom . We didn’t want to make things worse .

My parents, stepgrandmother, and brother are not invited. Our family bonds have been weakened to horrifically nothing by emotional, physical and mental abuse. My whole extended family is cut off for these reasons on both sides, but cycles of abuse are very hard to break. So none of my blood or step family is going, only my FH's.

My mother wished ill against me and has already stated 50x she's not going among other hurtful statements, though I'm sure she can swing the other way, again, and claim she fully supported me form the get-go, if she feels the need to. She gaslights, triangulates, and is not trustworthy as well as dangerous: she has choked me and kicked me for having the wrong tone in a conversation, even at 24 years of age! She is simply getting worse with age.

My father is determined that I apologize for something that happened between my Mom and I (of which she cares not about, at least last time we spoke) and has a strict idea of how he wants it; in person and how I take full blame for everything. How is this helpful for future ways of dealing with conflict? It's not. Before this incident, however, when I told him my engagement and showed him my ring he just didn't say anything. Nothing. Later there were sprinkles in conversation of how I have no business getting married, but he never told me to my face anything honest or well-wishing or kind for the entire year I was engaged. Of course he supports me getting married: as long as I do everything in a way he approves of and is comfortable with. He had a whole year and 5 months to adjust and try, but he didn't. I don't want someone to be there who obviously doesn't.

My stepgrandmother is a bit complicated. Under normal circumstances, I'd love to invite her. However, since none of my other family is going and I don't want to ask her to travel due to her hip pains, I feel like it would be more of a stressful feat than a realistic event. Mostly, I don't want her to be alone. Her and my father are two peas in a pod. He has convinced her I am the one acting immature, ungrateful, disrespectful, and thinks I should put more effort into my relationship with him. She sympathizes with him too much to really have a clear understanding of my family dynamics. I told her about the abuse, but she doesn't believe me and once wrote me "Wait till you're a parent!" and
"You can't live without your family." She is toxic enough being clueless/ignorant/arrogant and I just don't really want that 'fix your family' attitude around me when I'm trying to celebrate the love of my life. I respect it, but unfortunately it's too narrow-minded for the reality of the situation.

My brother seemed mostly indifferent, questioned my intelligence of getting married, and seemed okay with going as long as there would be booze, but since the incident occurred, my brother has stopped talking to me. Oh well. Can't make a wall talk if they don't want to.

I'm aware everyone is entitled to their feelings, thoughts, opinions, and attitudes but it is not my responsibility or purpose in life to 'make everything better' for everyone else just to try to convince them to be happy for me or to want to go to my wedding. Relationships are a two way street. I have made mistakes, too, but unfortunately instead of trying to build something new, my family will just go after my weaknesses and errors like rabid dogs. My family will blame me for not being invited, when in reality, they actually dug that hole themselves by not acknowledging or attempting to be a part of it in the first place. If you have family that expects you to do all the leg work, maintain an "you owe me" stance, disregards your boundaries, manipulates and drains you, holds grudges or dislikes you, forces you to walk on egg shells or thinks a small bit of effort from them means you should produce huge effort from you, you're pretty much just screwed. However, my family is extreme because they're high on the Narcissist scale and cannot listen (literally, they have to interrupt) or understand you are your own individual person. They basically ruin their lives trying to control everything and everyone, and when the times get tough, they get even worse with the physical, mental, and emotional abuse. They need to remain victims and along the way, manage to not take responsibility for their actions and their effects on those they supposedly love. Do they love me in their own way? Sure. But I am learning to love myself in a much healthier, happier, and positive way. Those are the kind of people I want at my wedding; those who make me feel like a better, whole, growing person. The kind of people who act and treat me like they want to be in my future. Because my family certainly is not.

View Quoted Comment I literally did the same thing, im so so glad im not the only one ☺️

I'm not inviting my mother, her husband (stepfather), or his son. They are completely toxic, and I have zero regrets about this. I have no relationship with anyone on my mother's side of the family because she kept me and my sister from getting to know any of them, so no one else on her side is attending. No one seems to care that much. I feel like its a huge relief to not have her there. It's really nice to relate to others on this topic. People look at me sideways when I saw my mother won't be present.

I'm actually planning on not inviting my mother, youngest brother, and (ex?) stepfather. My mother is overbearing, controlling, and manipulating. My youngest brother has earned every one of those traits. He has lied to attack my FH's character, although he lives in our home. And my mother has attacked him verbally ever since. I honestly dont want them there even though we are about a year away from the wedding. Time wont heal these wounds. I'm even selling the wedding dress she bought and will just buy my own.

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So sad how you wouldn't want to reconcile before such a big day.

I am not inviting my "mom" to my wedding. I put mom in quotations because I honestly don't like to use that term for someone who doesn't act like one. Let's just say, that lady is toxic, vindictive, angry, and too much to handle. She hasn't met my two daughters, my FH, I haven't seen her since 2012. She refuses to have a relationship with me, cuts everyone off that doesn't agree with her ways, among other things. My MOH suggested that I just extend an invitation to her, even though she probably won't even come. I told MOH that I would rather not get married at all, then to give my mom an invitation. I would never want to get married in front of her. She has no place in my life, she has no respect, and she simply does not deserve to witness her eldest daughter getting married.

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I know exactly how you feel!

Hard to reconcile when they don't wanna put the effort in to be happy for me as I am getting married and starting an exciting new life in usa next year! It's their loss and I'm not gonna have a relationship with them anymore.

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I am in a similar situation. My mother doesn't even allow me to talk about my wedding dress. I can't even think about giving them an invitation to our wedding day. They don't approve / accept / support or love my husband to be J. It's their loss because hes an amazing man and he's going to provide for me I know it. I can't wait for our wedding day and not having my family apart of it will be a good choice less stress and hostility. So we can focus on being happy and feel supported and loved.

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I hear what you're saying, Rachel! I'm sorry we're going through this, but having those close to us on our special day will make it much more worth while! Positive vibes only!!

View Quoted Comment Its sad it really is. And my family dont respect or understand how hard a long distance relationship is. Its the worst feeling ever. Being overprotective and clingy just pushes me away more to this point of not wanting a relationship with them anymore.

View Quoted Comment I agree completely ill have my future father in law and mother in law as my family on the day. And above all my husband to be is my home.

We are not inviting his mom or brothers. They are horrible people. Zero regrets from both of us. Im inviting my Mom and Sister, but I have a feeling they will not make it. My Mom didnt show to my Sisters wedding, and I have a feeling she will have some reason to not come to mine. (I think she just hates weddings). We were supposed to get married last month and my sister "accidentally" bought concert tickets for the same day. We rescheduled the wedding to next June, and she said "hopefully I wont forget again". So not counting on it. I will still send the invites, but not holding my breath. I also havent spoken to one of my brothers in about 5 years, so not inviting him either.

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That is terrible!!! I mean even if your mother hates weddings, surely her own daughter's would be an exception, and then your sis accidentally bought concert tickets on a date that she KNEW was her sis' wedding date? Terrible. At least you know that regardless, those who truly want to witness your marriage and love you will most definitely be in attendance. All the best, Jen, and I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know how you feel.

View Quoted Comment I know how you feel. Its sad that my family cant support us as we start our married lives together next year because of their personal issues. Its messed up.

View Quoted Comment Thats horrible. My family is worse. Im not bothering inviting them. They wont pay for flights or anything to see us get married in usa when i move in July next year. I tried writing them a card / letter. I tried to help them get to know John my future husband and more. No congratulations! Nothing. And we get engaged in March this year. Its almost Christmas what's wrong with them!? They are losing me forever because of their controlling and mental abuse since we got engaged

Ill honestly tell everyone here. After I got back from seeingmy boyfriend now future husband for the first time long distance relationship. My dad got me from the airport. I was wearing John's jacket/lanyard and sweater. I was wearing my engagement ring proudly that i took to usa with me so John could propose to me. And my dad reacted shocked it was so rude. I said "This is my husband's jacket" and he still couldnt understand. No smile. No hug. No tears that his only daughter is getting married. That did it for me. None of my family will be invited. They let me be homeless and pushed me away. They tried to control me and John. They called John a scammer. Judged him for his religion as a Mormon. Judged him cause he is American. Its the rudest thing ever! Im Australian but John still loves me. His family does too. I adore them! I cant wait to leave Australia and never speak to my family again! If anyone has dealt with controlling over protective parents not approving or accepting your future spouse. Comment below. Im dealing with after effects of emotional and mental abuse from my family. Its hard and my future husband knows how hard its been for me. Hes been affected too. I dont want him to meet my family ever. I want to protect him from the toxic people they are.

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I can relate to all of this. Thanks for sharing!