fmil and Lingerie

View Quoted Comment So you can so relate lol. Your mom is a hero for understanding that. I wonder if she thought that was weird to? But it just freaks me out of her knowing what I'm going to be wearing to seduce her son lol.

View Quoted Comment That's interesting. Didn't know that. But my mother in law is 62 and first generation american. So maybe she hears it from other women and thinks this is normal. But I'm not that open. She doesnt have a great relationship with her mil, so she wants to have that with me. So I'm trying to be patient with her.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, she knew right away that I just wasn't into FMIL helping with that certain task. Thank goodness! I agree with you, it made me very uncomfortable to show her. I get that some people are comfortable with that kind of thing, but I definitely am not!

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That might make sense.... It really did used to be a "thing" for a mother, or older married women friends/relatives, to try to "pave the way" for a young bride to be ready for her wedding night. I totally get that that sounds sort of ridiculous now, but back in a time when many brides were virgins (or trying to maintain the illusion that they were), the gift of beautiful (and, honestly, typically, very tasteful) lingerie was a very typical shower gift.

Also, after reading the various posts in this thread, I'd guess that most moms and FMILs wanting to buy lingerie are not really thinking of it as, "Wow! This is hot and the bride is totally going to 'seduce' the groom with it...." That interpretation actually sounds really funny to me, a sixty-year old mom.... Hopefully, most married women expect sex to be part of every happy marriage; it's not really that big a deal. For me, the thinking would be more along the lines of, "I want to gift you something special, that might make you feel even more pretty than usual...something you wouldn't buy for yourself." My mother bought me "wedding night" lingerie (which I did take on our honeymoon, and, honestly, it's still hanging in my closet...), so I did something similar for our sweet daughter. Like I said in an earlier post, I have no idea (and don't care) if she's ever worn it, and I promise I've never thought, "well, SIL is going to LOVE this!" Hang in and try to assume there are only the best intentions! Good luck to you! If you're lucky, you and your FMIL will have a wonderful relationship. My MIL will turn 98 this month, and she is an absolute JOY in the lives of all who are lucky enough to know her.

WHAT? That's AWFUL! Please lie to her. I'll be having a lingerie party over my Bachelorette weekend and my FSIL, who is not at all a prude, even asked if she could have a free pass out of this one. She said she didn't want to buy something like that for her brother to see. And she's 30! I would be mortified if his mother pulled this on me.

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Thank you so much for agree with me!! I am just like your fsil. There some stuff you just don't want to know. I'm not prudish either, but i even tell my brother, i would like to think he only had sex twice and that's to make my niece and nephew lol. But i don't know. i know its a natural thing, but for things like that, i don't need a mental image lol

My FMIL mentioned that to me while dress shopping and to say I was mortified would be an understatement. I don't know why any mom would want to know what her son's wife is going to be wearing on the wedding night! I would just tell her that's something you'd like to keep between you and your FH, and you'll find it on your own!

View Quoted Comment Exactly!! Why have a mental picture? I dont know if its me, but why look at something and thing "this is what shes going to wear when my son takes it off." Maybe it's my sick mind but thats what I was thinking when I was with her at the store. I know it came from a good place but it was just weird lol.

View Quoted Comment That makes a lot of sense. I dont have any issue with my own mom getting me some or if my mom went shopping with me. But I feel very comfortable with my mom. As for his mom, we dont have that type of relationship. I do go over to her house and talk to her. I even invited her to help me pick my dress. Her and i dont go out as often. So that's why I was shocked when she mentioned that to me. But thanks for explaining all this. Didnt even know this. So I learned something today

Yea thats awkward lol telling her exactly how you feel about it might be the best approach.

If you feel uncomfortable I think you saying it nicely isn't wrong... my future mother in law purchases lingerie for all of her nieces who get married and the day of my shower, we went back to her house and she had some pieces for me as a gift... I didn't think it was weird because I know she does it for everyone lol

Why don't you just tell her to get you some really pretty pyjamas at VS? Like a short and tank set or a long pant and top set (depending on your taste preference) along with a robe. That wouldn't make me as uncomfortable since its not so risque. But you can just tell her that's what you like without going into detail... she doesn't need to know what you'll be wearing on your wedding night. Just wear the pjs when you want to be comfy or Aunt Flo decides to stop in for a visit. And it should make everyone happy. Problem solved!

I would be extremely uncomfortable as well. I agree that it is weird for her to buy you things you will wear for her son.

I would be super weirded out if my FMIL insisted she buy me lingerie for me and FH's honeymoon. It's not her business what her son and I would be doing or what I should be wearing during our honeymoon. That's just too overboard. It's different if she was offering to buy a cool outfit or a hot dress to wear for a night on the town, but lingerie? Oh heck no. I would simply tell her you found something else but say thanks for offering.

Things for the trousseau are a traditional part of the shower gifts. She may think she does not know your taste well enough to just pick it out. If you find Vic Secret stuff embarrassing, go to a department store with her, and get non-sexy but nice lingerie, to wear when you are traveling or in general. She would likely be more comfortable too.

Your not at all being weird about it I was panicking about it my self I’m like I don’t want someone knowing what I plan to wear even o go to bed on my wedding night that’s just weird to me too I even told my maid of honors to ask people to not buy me lingerie for the shower if I wanted something sexy to wear for my wedding night I would get it myself

I haven't had this experience but when my cousin got married her mom took her shopping. My aunt wanted to do it for her because her mom had done it for her and was seeing it as more of a tradition and wanting to get something nice for her daughter. My aunt has nice memories about it, I'm not sure about my cousin.

As for it being a FMIL, I guess it really depends on your relationship with her. I might be uncomfortable with it, but take a breath and just go with it. You can always get something you like less and if you get the gift receipt take it back later and actually get the piece you want so she feels like you did something together and you know she won't see what you'll be showing her son.

I am surprised at all the people surprised a mom would do lingerie. Assuming they are not born wealthy, a mother born 50 years ago was one of the first or second generations to have all store bought lingerie. More than half the population, up to the 1950's, part of getting ready for marriage was a hope chest, or collection of things, many from the shower. And nice lingerie, hand sewn by moms, grandmother's, aunts, and the bride herself. With fancy ribbons and lace and hand embroidery. Nightgowns, underwear, hosiery and slips. Without the cheap synthetics we have now, they made plain cotton pretty. Not scandalous or sexy. And that is not what most mothers want to purchase now. In the long run, hard as it is to imagine, you will have a lot more nights of not being a sex object during your marriage, wearing something comfortable and pretty, than requiring sexy lingerie. ( Unless you have a really short marriage.) And when you are a guest someplace, or have guests or children, or just want to boost your self esteem, a couple of nightgown and robe sets with no holes in the shoulder from baby burp acid, no stains, not brother's or DH cast off shirts, will be appreciated. And you want company presentable, not deadly sexy. My mom still gives me 10-15 pairs of patterned pantihose, higher quality than I can afford, and actual matched sets, 3 panties, 1 bra sets. Thank heavens, because I am too busy keeping kids in PJ's and nighties, and otherwise I would look like a derelict the 50 or so days a year we have company, or go away.

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I agree with this! I think if you'd like to go the honest route, you could let her know it makes you a little uncomfortable, but would love her to help you find something else like maybe a nice satin robe thing, which I think is also kind of lingerie? But then at least she can feel part of the process, and it's something nice you can wear around the house and not necessarily something she got you for just the wedding night. Just a thought! Hope everything gets sorted out!

I'm so glad I found this thread! My shower was canceled, but my FMIL gave me her gift which included lingerie. I'm seeing now that having to cancel my shower for COVID-19 was a blessing in disguise because I can't imagine having to open that up in front of my other guests - especially because she is loud and unfiltered and would have probably said what she said to me in the text she sent after giving me the gift - "the lingerie is really for my son, my dear" with a winky face!!! Ew. Now I'm trying to figure out how to write a thank you note for this... Had anyone else given me that at the shower, I would have blushed and laughed it off, but this just feels SO gross. The weirdest part (is there a weirdest part?) is that she didn't give lingerie to her other daughter-in-law.