First cousins with kids

I dont think you can invite some peoples kids and not others with out hurting peoples feelings.

I know some people do an age (eg only kids 12 and older can come)

or you could only have the kids that are in the wedding party come

If you are inviting some kids but not others, you need a fair dividing line. The only ones I've come across that would seem to work are (a) invite only children of people in the wedding party, or (b) invite only children of immeidate family. Maybe (a) would work for you; not sure (b) would be helpful. I have also heard of people having an age limit: 16 and older, etc., but then someone has a really mature 14 year old, and if the 14 year old can come, why can't my 13 year old come, etc.

Would you be okay with an adults only wedding? That's the easiest answer.

Hate to tell ya, but they are going to be annoyed if their kids aren't invited, even if no other kids or just a few other kids are.

I had this problem. For my part, I didn't give a flip that they didn't come or that they got upset. They aren't cousins I see more than once a year and I haven't seen them for 2 years because they didn't come to my boyfriend's funeral or even send a card. But if you want a relationship with them and in your family children go to weddings, I would invite them if you can.

What are both sides family cultures for bringing kids to a wedding? What does your FMIL have to say? She's really the one to be asking if it's necessary to invite all of the second cousins especially since it's on your parents dime. (Assuming she is a nice, normal rationale person)

Are you setting your budget then the invite list or are you doing the invite list then the budget? This will determine what type of wedding you are going to have which will ultimately decide if the munchkins are gonna be on the A list or the B List, over 16 or not at all.

The budget has been set w/o the invite list being completed. It's based on the max that the venue will hold. The FH gets to irritated when it comes wedding stuff so its going to be me who has to ask the FMIL what her thoughts are on it. Thank you everyone for the help!

I agree... I think your best bet is to talk to your FMIL... hopefully she'll have a more diplomatic way of approaching it. Good luck!

No it doesn't have to be up to you :-) Here's how we did it (we're paying though) WE compiled a list - my side & his side - WE took each list to our respective parents and sat down and said here's the budget, here's who WE think needs to be invited - is there anyone you think should be added or deleted? Speak now or forever hold your peace because we're going to base the wedding around this many guests.

Notice the emphasis on WE? LOL

Be careful about asking her thoughts on it. If you can't afford it, and she insists that the kids must come, you will be between a rock and a hard place. If you can afford as many people as the venue can hold, then there's your max. number. If that's not enough to accommodate all the kids, you need to make some decisions.

Great point J&R and now the question - how many are on your lists and are the kids included in that #? What's the venue's max amount of guests? Also do you even want kids there? I don't think you stated what you & fh's preference is...

If it's not within your budget to invite all of the kiddos, that's your answer right there. If anyone complains about it, ask them to contribute to the wedding. If they're not contributing to the wedding, then they really can't be insistent upon inviting someone that you have said you can't afford.

We invited only family kids or kids of our wedding party. The only exception we made was a girl who is in our Sunday School class (we teach 3rd-5th grade), and another friend's kids who FH has known since they were born. But if anyone were to ask, our line was family and wedding party only. If a friend has an issue with that, they can write us a check and pay for their kid's portion.

We have over 150 on our current list and yes it includes kids. The venue holds a max of 150. I would prefer just the bridal party's children which is: 3 nieces, a ring bearer, and a flower girl. I do like the point of taking both lists to the parents and informing them of the budget and how many people the venue will hold.

Sounds like it's going to be a no kids wedding, other than the bridal party's munchkins, which is certainly you & FH's prerogative. :-) We're having no kids at all - not even a flower girl or ring b.

Are you planning on reviewing the invite list with FMIL? I assume since Mom is paying that she's pretty aware you sides invites and is cool with the list right?

My FH is really close to his extended family as well and although we love his cousins' children we just didn't see it fit to include any children in our wedding day festivities. We did not want to include some but not all since we aren't close to some of his cousins' children. It also gives a chance for his cousins to have a good time without the worries of keeping their children entertained. The only "children" will be our first cousins who are under the age of 18 (the youngest will be 10 and is also our FG).

Honey B I agree with you! Yes the list will be reviewed with my FMIL for that side of the family.

I made it simple, only kids allowed were the ring bearer, flower girl and their toddler sisters and we are trying to send them off to the hotel immediately after the pictures are taken so the parents can enjoy the night.

We wrestled with this question when we were planning a big, traditional wedding. Because we grew up about a 4-5 hour drive from where we live and would have had the wedding, most of our guests would have had to travel. I think it would have been hard for us to say "adults only" when parents were traveling to Washington DC (big for family trips) for our wedding. Without the out-of-town factor, I think we would have been fine saying "adults only" in this case.

While we could afford the big wedding, we looked at the #s and ultimately decided that neither of us really wanted a big event, and that it made no sense to spend what seemed like a monstrous amount of money on a one-day event neither of us was all that excited about. So in the end, we switched to a DW and a much lower key, Sunday afternoon drinks & hors d'oeuvres celebration in our home town. For the latter, we are including everyone's kids, but we're paying on a sliding scale for those under 21, under 13, and under 6.

In the end, budgetary or space restrictions didn't make the decision for us. However, unless, as we were contemplating, you are asking a lot of parents to travel and stay overnight for at least one night, I wouldn't hesitate to have an adults-only event if that makes things easier for you.

FWIW, some of our guests with children have opted to leave them home with a sitter so they can enjoy themselves. Others are bringing their kids, and we'll have a couple of tables and some activities set aside for them.

Be gracious and firm, (there are many people who will pick at your "excuse" or reasoning, and usually they are the very people who you only see every couple yrs anyway!!) Empower yourself to say no, just say it with a sincere smile,if you waiver or say yes, you will feel pressured,taken advantage of, just say NO.