Finding the right wording for invitations

You really can't put anything re gifts on invite. You can tell your mom and MOH, and your fiancé can tell his mom and best man. Many people will ask them what to do re gifts, and mom, etc., and say, well have they most of everything, we are just giving cash.

I asked for advice on wording. It's quite common for people to send registry info with their invites if they aren't holding a shower before, from what I've seen. Holding a shower is a lot more rude and presumptive than saying "hey if you wanted to give us a gift, check here for what we need" because instead your throwing an entire party specifically for people to give you things. I mean come on.

I asked for advice with wording, and that's /all/.

Rude (adjective)- offensively impolite or ill-mannered; also means roughly made or done/lacking subtlety or sophistication

No one here is being rude. They're being honest.

To quote Emily Post: "Cash presents are perfectly acceptable–as long as the guests feel comfortable with the idea. Some people just don’t like giving money, and that’s okay too. For this reason it’s a good idea to set up a traditional registry–even if it has only a few items on it–so guests have a sense of what you like and need."

Don't tell people what they should or shouldn't gift you. Let adults be adults and gift you what they feel is appropriate/can afford. Seriously. Asking for money in any form, for any reason, is rude because you're putting people who might not be able to give much monetary wise on the spot and make them feel bad for not being able to spare the cash.

ETA: Details, Spelling

@Sappy: Those registries just cut you a check and are also known as cash registries. They are just as rude and are essentially an electronic form of panhandling. Gross.

@Emily: Then ducking make a regular registry like a normal, polite person. Don't resort to being rude to your guests because you feel entitled to their money.

JFC wtf is wrong with people when they feel entitled to try to force their guests to not only give them cash, but also dictate how much cash to give them?

ETA: I want to add that it is ALWAYS rude to include registry info with wedding invitations. If people in your social circle do it, it just means you run with some rude ass, entitled people, which having seen the attitude given on this post, is unsurprising.

@OP, if you truly think it's absolutely acceptable to be rude to guests, ignore etiquette, and treat people like shit, perhaps it would be better if you just eloped and not inflicted that behavior on others.

A shower is something other people throw for you; you don't plan it, so you are not asking for gifts. It doesn't matter if people around you put registry info on their invitations, when they did it it was rude and against the rules of etiquette. The people here are just trying to explain that to you so that you aren't rude as well. If you still want to go ahead and do that, feel free - just as long as you are now aware that it is inappropriate. People here who know what etiquette and decency is already are not going to tell you how to word it on your invitation because it would be wrong to do so. I'm trying to say this in the nicest way possible, but the problem is that when people hear something they don't want to hear they tend to switchtrack and blame the other person's method of communication.

I hear you, you don't want your loved ones to waste their money on things you don't want. Nobody wants that. I promise you, people will give you money if you have a small registry.

@MNA...Ducking! Lol...Just died laughing.

No but really OP you need to lurk more. I was one a naive newly engaged person and didn't think Honeyfunds were tacky. The lovely NOT RUDE seasoned warriors of WW have helped me see the error of my ways.

Really we're just trying to pass on knowledge, wisdom and advice on to you but it gets incredibly frustrating when 27 new 'how do I politely ask for cash' posts get posted Every. Single. Day.

@MrsK: Autocorrect apparently liked it when I was less fed up with noobs and cussed less.

@MNA I type fucking so often my autocorrect tried to fix Ducking when I typed it out!

Ok, How about this..

"Please pay for my vacation, I realize many of you don't get to take one yourselves but its my special day, so fork it over."

.

.

___ number of seats reserved in your honor is what we put on our RSVP cards.

Make a small registry and most adults know to give cash...

OP, you didn't hear what you wanted to hear, so that makes us rude. How unusual.

There is no wording for this on the invite because it's screaming fucking rude to put it on the invite.

And it's not common to send registry info in the wedding invite because that's screaming rude too.

But I have a hunch you'll find a cute poem on Pinterest and slap it right in there, rude or not.

Go for it. But If you don't want advice, don't ask.

Wow. No one was fucking rude EXCEPT YOU.

If you don't want to do a registry, you don't tell people what to gift you because you should be GRATEFUL that anyone is giving you a goddamn thing.

Let's start with a few definitions, because the words "rude" and "blunt" are hardly interchangeable. In fact, there are plenty of nuances inherent in both words that make it impossible to substitute one word for the other, and, since this comes up all the time, maybe it's a good idea to look at those nuances -- according to the dictionary.

Rude: Offensively impolite. Ignorant. Unlearned. Uncouth. Inelegant. Discourteous. Inexperienced.

Blunt: Being straight to the point. Being abrupt. Being direct.

Now, asking wedding guests to finance your honeymoon is blunt, but it's also quite rude. Telling someone who is planning to ask their wedding guests to fund their honeymoon that they are impolite and discourteous is also blunt, but it's not rude. In fact, it's the opposite of rude. It is a kindness that will, if heeded, spare the hosts' reputation. It's kind of like medicine; it tastes terrible going down, but that's the only way to improve one's condition (and once you're better, you're thankful for the horrible tasting remedy).

So, it is not rude to set someone straight, and it is not rude to deliver such a message directly and without room for misinterpretation.

Now, as far as your two issues are concerned, an invitation serves a purpose; it covers the "who, what, when, where, and why" of your wedding. A wedding invitation doesn't have room for a post script devoted to your wedding wish list, which, in this case, is a crowd funded honeymoon. Remember, a wedding is a wedding, not a letter to Santa. Secondly, all of that household stuff that you think will last forever? It won't. I just purchased a bunch of new towels, a new coffee maker, new sheets, a bath mat, drinking glasses, and kitchen towels. Thirdly, you'll probably get checks and cash. That's what we do here in NY...checks and cash -- spend it anyway you want to. You can pay a vendor, get your carpets steam cleaned, pay your rent/car payment/utility bill. Or, you can use it fund your honeymoon. The money is a gift, so you can use it for whatever you want. If you want to frame a few hundreds and hang them on the wall, more power to you.

Secondly, if you've given every adult the common courtesy of attending your wedding with a personal escort or guest, there should be absolutely no push back or additions from them. They do not get to create a guest list unless they're paying for your affair. You remain steadfast. You let every guest know that two seats have been reserved in their honor. You say nothing more than that on the RSVP card. If you get responses or emails from family members telling you that they're bringing "whomever" to your wedding (because "they should be there"), you need to regain control of your very expensive event and put action to your words. You contact the offenders immediately and tell them that you're sorry if they misunderstood the invitation, but they have exactly two seats and two wedding reception experiences reserved for them. Period. Let them know -- if it goes this far -- that beyond their plus one, anyone who did not receive a formal invitation from you cannot be serviced at the bar, at the cocktail hour, at the dinner, or at the reception. And don't budge. If you budge for one, you'll have to budge for them all, and believe me, that's something for which you don't want to be responsible.