FILs wont come to wedding if it's not Catholic

Our families are Catholic and we are not having a religious ceremony because religion is not part of our lives. Our family is ok with it, I guess we are lucky!

Would you be willing to compromise (ONLY if it's important to you and FH that his parents are there) and have the ceremony performed by a priest? Perhaps you could find a priest who is open to performing less of a typical religious ceremony? Just a thought. You have to do what YOU and FH want at the end of the day. Don't be bullied!

I would just talk to them at a sit down dinner. And TRY to get them to understand. Make sure he has valid reasons to explain to them and let them know that you guys love them and it would bother y'all not to have them there. But be firm and united in the decision, how you handle it and be ready for what ever consequences come from that decision.

And don't think it's not a big deal just because you don't share the same beliefs as someone else. To his parents, Catholicism is the only way and of course they would be offended by their son's decision. However, they aren't showing any love to their son by refusing to be apart of his day.

A good friend of mine has family that is JW and I think it's important to note that JWs don't celebrate any holidays, birthdays, etc. A little bit different than Catholics. (No offense intended to anyone!)

I understand how you are feeling, but you need to not give into what they want. If they can't support you, then you don't want them at your wedding anyway (I know this is easier said than done).

My entire family is catholic and we are all confirmed in the catholic church. Last year my brother got married outside of the catholic church. The entire family still came and supported him and my SIL at their wedding. I was so happy for them and it's great for the rest of us because none of us are going to be married in the catholic church. I hope this helps a little.

I was raised Catholic and don't really practice anymore. We are doing a Catholic ceremony because both of our families are Catholic. Since getting engaged we have attended church very often and have become close with our priest. It is a really beautiful process.

The Catholic church has evolved, believe it or not! Our priest knows we live together and does not mind, he just wants to make sure you are not headed straight to divorce. He wont marry you if he sees you are set up for failure.

According to Catholicism, a marriage not recognized by the Church unless it's done on holy ground. I've heard of people not going to a relative's wedding for this reason.

I agree that this shouldn't be what they draw the line on, especially because you had a child together before marriage and I would think they would be more understanding. I think that you need to sit down with them and talk about how FH has changed his religious perspectives. Tell them you want them to be there and how much it would mean to you to have their support. If they still decline then say that's too bad and move on with your plans.

@CatsBoninCats thanks for saying that. I took a lot of offense to that comment as well.

An alternative is to have a small Catholic ceremony and then have your civil ceremony with all of you guests. Or you could find a priest to perform the ceremony outside of the church---exceptions can (rarely) be made. You just have to put in a petition with the bishop.

Last time I checked God loved everyone, regardless of religion or place of worship or union. They really should be ashamed of themselves for making the "sin" statement and threatening not to show up. You and FH should just do you and enjoy your special day. I'm sure they'll regret not going if it's true.

I would honestly be tempted to say it would be a Catholic ceremony and then when they showed up say "just kidding" but that would just cause more issues. My FH's dad didn't come to his brother's wedding and most likely won't be at ours (mental health issues) and even then I know how hard it is for them missing their dad on the big day. Whatever happens, I hope you get the day that YOU want and I hope they love their child enough to show up for him!

Unfortunately there are some old school Catholics out there that believe they are the only valid branch of Christianity. They give the good ones a bad name. I am a fallen away Catholic so to speak and rarely go to church. Not because I have a problem with it but just drifted away. My parents were kind of the sanctimonious "cult like " Catholics that some speak of and I could see them pulling the same thing if they were still here.

It doesn't offend me that some people think they're cult like. They can think what they want and express their opinion like anyone else. Meh... Whatever.

OP. I also hope they are just trying to see if you'll back down and when it comes down to it attend.

Fingers crossed!

Maybe FH and I are just a-holes, but if ANYONE said this to us we'd say "oh well" and continue to live our lives.

Call their bluff, send them an invitation and when they press about the ceremony and say we aren't coming- he can kindly say- I'm deeply sorry you won't be able to attend- but if you change your mind we'd love to have you.

#notimeforgames

You're adults. manage it.

DH's family is religious, especially his grandma. He was afraid she was going to b=be very vocal about the fact we were not getting married in a church. If she was, we never heard. She came up to us after our ceremony and said it was beautiful and she was happy for us.

I'm sorry his parents are acting like this, but he has to be the one to tell them either they deal with it or they will be missed.

@Emily and OP, your "cult" comment was very rude.

Don't let them "persuade" you to have a Catholic wedding if you don't want one. It would be very insincere, especially since Holy Matrimony is a sacrament. Why participate if neither of you believe that?

I have a few friends who were also worried about how their parents would react to them having a non-Catholic wedding. Even though some were not pleased initially, all of the parents will be attending their children's wedding. It's very unfortunate that your FH's parents are acting like this. Hopefully they will come around and realize what a special day they would be missing.

Oh, man. I didn't realize that some people were still this intense. This happened to my grandmother back in the 1960's, but her parents still attended against the advice of their priest. I always attributed this to their being extremely Catholic and recent Portuguese immigrants.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I would really make sure FH is still on board with the original plan. Since he is the one who's parents may not be attending.

Are you Catholic, OP? If not then his parents shouldn't be all up in arms. The reason being is that if your FH was still practicing, you two wouldn't be able to have a full mass (which is what I am to assume his parents wanted, yes?) anyway, so it really is perfectly fine that you do not get married in a Catholic church. Maybe have your FH try to reason with them, making this point?

I hope everything does work out for you both!

For those of you excited about how the Catholic church has "changed".....try to remember that's on a parish-by-parish basis. The Church hierarchy (and many popular Catholic websites) still preach that Catholics shouldn't attend the non-religious weddings of Catholic persons, because attendance is implicit approval. Some are derogatory toward non-sacramental marriage ceremonies and call them "not real marriages." I suspect it's Church authorities like these that are informing the OP's FILs, and PPs comments on the inflexibility (and occasional heartlessness) of Church teachings.

I think the word "cult" is being thrown around a little too lightly here...

And I'm not even Catholic.

It is your wedding and your choice of religion. Unfortunately, invite them and they can decide whether to attend or not.

I feel for you, OP. My FH is also of Catholic background but has left out of his own decisions but his family is still very religious and he was very nervous about having to tell them (which he will in the future).

We did plan to get married in the Catholic church but we soon discovered that we couldn't because I am non-Catholic.

You didn't mention if you were Catholic, but if you aren't, then that would be your situation as well and it wouldn't even matter if you wanted to do a proper Catholic wedding anyway or not.

FH and I initially looked for a church that would do the ceremony but it's impossible due to the rules of the church. It's very hard to also do Catholic ceremony outside of a church; the general sense I got for that is that it's only really allowed if 1) one is very ill and cannot make it to the church or 2) if the couple's presence would draw too much outside attention (ie: celebrities).