FILs wont come to wedding if it's not Catholic

I think you're doing the right thing for you. Just tell them that you're sorry it's not a Catholic wedding but you hope to have them there. If they choose not to go that is on them. Catholicism seems very cult like so don't be surprised if they really don't show up. But do enjoy your special day!

Thank you, I don't say anything about it because they already think I'm walking all over him. I totally agree with the "cult like" comment. They are completely closed off to any opinion but theirs. It goes in one ear and out the other.

It's up to your FH to let them know he is no longer going to church and that this is the type of wedding you both want to have. If they choose not to attend their son's wedding because it's not their ideal ceremony, it's their loss.

I completely understand your situation. I'm Catholic and my aunt and uncle - also my god parents - are very devout Catholics. They have brought up many many times getting married in the the church and all that jazz. However it's not that crucial to me, and I'm not doing it.

I guess my point is - this is for YOU and YOUR FH. This is your big day. It's not anybody else's...I know that those who truly love me and are happy for me will go to my wedding. I'm sure his parents will, too. It could be a bluff, it could be that they mean it. But hopefully when the time comes, they'll understand.

Xoxo

And not all us Catholics are "cult like" I promise :p

Your FH needs to man up and tell them he's serious as he stopped attending their church and explain to them that they need to respect his decisions because he is an adult. Your FH needs to deal with this, not you.

They don't get to force their religion on you. He can call their bluff..."you'll be missed".

Wait... So you guys have a child, their grandchild, out of ""wedlock"" (hate that phrase, such bullshit) but this is where they say they will draw the line??? This is why I hate religion: PICKING AND CHOOSING. I'd say "Sorry you feel that way. Guess you'll be missed." And be done with it. Fuck that shit.

Perhaps they go to the same mass as my grandparents. My grandparents have not attended any of my sister's wedding ceremonies because none of been in the Catholic Church and it has been very sad for my mother and my sisters. Personally I find it to be childish and hurtful. They show up for the reception and or sulk around until the ceremony is over.

Your FH needs to sit them down and explain to them that while you all want them there this day is about you both and not about their beliefs. It's a shame that they would miss such an important day in their son's life and in the life of their grandchild. Would they go to the reception and skip the ceremony?

I hope they come. My grandparents are not coming to my ceremony and only time will tell if they come to the reception.

I respect all of your guys posts! They have made me feel so much better, i was feeling a little guilty and i don't even know why. I read all your posts to my FH and i think we are going to try to sit and talk with them and if they continue to not listen we will just tell them they will be missed.

@Materantiqua yes, we have their grandchild, and they are so proud of her and show her off all the time. I was hoping for her sake they wouldn't make such a fuss out of it because I know she will be asking for them the day of the wedding. She lives them to pieces.

FH is mostly afraid that his parents will dismiss him from the family when he tells them he is no longer going to the catholic church.

Perhaps save the not going to the Catholic Church until after the wedding and just concentrate on the immediate issue for now?

@Ali I think that's a good idea. I mean. they have waited this long, they can wait 4 more months

They can get mad before and cause drama or they can get mad after and cause drama. I do really hope that after the conversation and after thinking about it and their granddaughter that they change their mind and come.

I really hope so too! FH won't admit it but i know he is a little sad about it.

Of course he is and he has the right to be. His parents are being stubborn and childish right now in the name of religion. They will regret not coming if they decide not to but regardless it's up to them and you just support your FH and be there for him no matter what.

I disagree with waiting until after the wedding to tell them that FH doesn't go to church anymore. If they understand how inauthentic it would be for FH to have a religious wedding ceremony for a religion he no longer practices, I think they might reconsider coming. I'm sorry you're going through this! Both of our families are Catholic and we're not having a Catholic ceremony either. Thankfully, none of our families are reacting badly, though my mom hasn't exactly hidden how disappointed she is.

@TinyBride How long ago was that, when they let you know they weren't coming? I'm really hoping they are just trying to guilt him into changing the wedding. Did your FH act sad? Mine is acting very calm and didn't react very much at all. I'm wondering if he's just trying not to stress/make me feel bad.

I was raise Catholic and I don't practice and neither do my siblings. I do have a question though. Would a priest even marry you since you A. live together and B have a kid together?

You're doing the right thing. If they choose not to attend, they're the ones who will regret it, not you.

And @emily and OP, your ideas are dicks for saying that Catholicism is cult-like. I was raised Catholic, and although I wasn't married in the church, I take great offense to that comment.