Fiance' Disrespected My Parents... HELP!

Hard to get the whole store in 1000 characters but although my family does not live in the same state, I respect their guidance and have always wanted my parents to love my future husband, whoever it might have been. Most people will say "you parents will always support you no matter what" but this definitely is not the case with my father. I can say that if my fiance' and I got back together, my father will not support me and will most likely not attend.

I feel the amount of disrespect has put our relationship as irreconcilable because I cannot overlook this type of behavior. Of course my fiance' regretted it later but I am also extremely hurt from this.

His spiteful decisions also have illuminated how immature he can be and I feel if this type of severity has come from such a small argument, pheewww then get ready for marriage!

I do blame myself for my insecurities and worries but I just wanted to be honest with him. However I think there are more things to be acquired for me.

First off, I'm sorry you are going through this hard time. It wasn't right of him to involve your parents. Was there any truth to the letter he wrote? Does he have genuine concerns or was he just angry? You two have been together a long time, perhaps you could try couples' therapy?

As for your relationship with your parents, if you hope to stay with FH I would downplay the letter, say it was a messy fight, drop it and move on. That way maybe they won't hold it against your FH. But if you feel in your heart that it is not right, there's no shame in moving on in separate directions.

I would say yes there is truth to this letter because I did tell him I had uncertainty but he over-exaggerated my insecurities and ranted about how much of a pain in the butt I was. He also stated that I was not as innocent and was not worth being held so highly in my father's mind. What father doesn't think their daughter is great? He compared me to my single friends and that I would be out making various mistakes with out him.

I absolutely would love to be able to reconcile but I am very bothered by the email, among other things he said/did in his irrational tantrum. He has every right to be upset but he literally took my ring, kicked me off our car insurance, and tried to kick me out of our apartment.

I think that while the relationship could be repaired, it would definitely take a lot of work from both parties involved. However, having had previous experience with a now ex and my family, almost nothing can be done to repair your family bond involving him. I went through a similar experience and my family was on edge any time he was around. They would be civil, but even that was pushing it. To me, my family was way more important than him. Now, with FH, I know he would NEVER do those things to hurt me.

Needless to say, are you willing to forgive and move on? If indeed, he regrets what he did, who is to say its not going to happen again? They always say anger brings out the true feelings of people....

The fact that he took your ring & kicked you off of your car insurance is upsetting because he just jumped in and immediately did those things! He didn't try to work it out first. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

That is exactly what I said to him, that his anger and spiteful decisions illuminate the person I am really marrying. He responded that was not him or his true emotions but I agree that anger shows true colors. Also his behavior defies my own philosophical outlook. If this happened to my friend, I would never stand for it and would highly recommend breaking it off. Or if any other individual disrespected my family and said hurtful things to me, I would drop them from my life instantly.

I am so torn. I know that I should make my own decisions but I have heard the same response from my best friends and family. That I need to find out who I TRULY am before committing to another person for the rest of my life.

He's shown his true colors, sweetheart. There is no doubt that if this happens once it will happen again. If you've had your reservations about marrying him then DTMFA (look it up here: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=DTMFA)

No need to be torn, just make a choice and stand by it! You can do it!

Wow.... sorry that you are going through all of this.... and normally I would say go with your heart and not with what your parents want...

But, he really seems irrational... the ring, the insurance... the apartment?!? That was a little much

He has no right to contact your parents in that way; the adult, rational thing to do would be to work it out between the two of you, not to try and corrode the relationship you have with your father. He may have just been frustrated by your admittedly problematic behaviour, but this is not how adults deal with things. They work them out without punishing one another by taking things away or talking trash to their friends and family.

You have a year and a half to go, and it's going to be a long year (and a long life) unless you mutually get this under control.

I think you know what the right decision is but I also think the right decision is very difficult. No matter which you choose to do. Trying to reconcile will be like moving mountains for the rest of your life. I know if I was your family I would never forgive him for something like that. Trying to break it off is also difficult because you have been in this relationship a long time. You live in an apartment together and you started to plan a future. If you're going this route you can't be afraid to walk away from it. It's difficult giving up on all of those years but don't stay with someone for the wrong reasons. Listen to what your heart is telling you and lean on your friends for support. It's more unbiased than your FH and your family and you can take some time to clear your head.

He took back your ring, dropped you from the car insurance, and threw you out of the apartment. You don't have a decision to make. He already made it. Move out and move on and move up.

Not knowing what the argument was about, I am sure their is fault on both your parts. However, neither of you really know how to deal with conflict in a relationship. I suggest counseling (couples and individual) Couples so that the both of you can learn to work as a team and individual so you can learn deal with your insecurities and he can learn how to deal with his anger accordingly.

If he had serious concerns about your mental health I'd say fine, but he went about it the wrong way.

Your having concerns if he's the right one for you says it all right there: He's NOT. Plain and simple if you have doubts after that long that he's the one he's not. There should be no doubt.

I understand him getting upset when you were honest, and if you break it off, you need to give the ring back, so I'm not surprised he took it from you when you said you weren't sure.

Obviously things have been going this way for a while or he wouldn't have reacted so seriously to it.

You're not meant to be together, and that's okay. Get brave and move on.

Thank you SO much for all of your support. It has really guided me and helped me soul search to find what really needs to be done.

I will fully admit that the argument had two sides but it seemed petty and it didn't need to be taken to this severity. I can say he makes me happy and we have a lot of fun together, but at the expense of being treated so irrationally at the drop of the dime?

It's going to be a long, difficult road. I will need emotional support throughout the process. As far as my own insecurities and problems, which I will say is an internal difficulty and necessarily my relationship, I think the best way to solve them is to independently figure it out.

I may be naturally independent and responsible but I'm young and I can really see it now.

To be honest you do not have a decision to make....he has already made it for you! It is simple he took the ring back, took you off the insurance and tried to kick you out of your home!!!!!! From what appears to be a simple honest fight....what will happen when a fight about money or moving or a job offer, or what the kids did or the new dog you loved him not so much pees all over the house fight comes up 2 years into the marriage???

*Past behavior is the perfect predictor of future behavior*

Finding someone to have fun with and makes you happy during good times is easy. Finding someone who is supportive and loving during the bad times is difficult. Marriage is forever and has many rocky times ahead. The question is how will it be for the rough times with him?

Andrea, I am going to tell you something personal that I think will shed some insight on your situation. I owned a house and lived with a guy for 6 years. It was all fine for the first 6 months then I started wondering how to get out of the relationship. He lied about going to AA, and was verbally abusive, and when it came to holidays and having guests I did all the cooking, cleaning, and had to force him to join the group just to say goodbye to people including his own family. My dad was a witness to me having to tell him to come downstairs and say bye to his own mom one Thanksgiving. We had fights. Knock down drag out fights that I'm surprised didn't bring the cops. I started out as fight or flight, in the end I chose flight. Most weekends were spent at a gf's house because I couldn't stand to be around him anymore. The more he drank, the more depressed I became. I was in therapy and on Prozac. (cont'd)

Wow I really have no words for this one. Sounds like you don't need to think about the future. It appears to me that he has made that decision for you. Please make sure you are making the right choice before you marry this person. That was utterly disrespectful for him to send an email to your father. Once family gets that sense of how one's significant other is then it will be very hard to accept them into the family. Good luck with everything. I will be praying for you!!

After 6 months of that I stopped caring about losing the house and realized I had to save myself. He had lost his job, I was barely hanging on to mine, and all he did was drink day after day. How I managed to spend 6 yrs with him I don't know. But I got the therapy I had needed and the strength to grow up and move on.

Andrea, don't make the same mistakes I made and keep hoping that one day this guy will change, I'm sorry but he won't. Unless he's willing to get therapy as well as you, and actually work at therapy and not just go and pretend. The fact that your guy thought that emailing your dad was a good idea and bash you in the process is just immature and wrong. Listen to your head not your heart in this matter. Oh and you can inform him that he has no right to kick you out of the apartment if your name is on the lease. Yes part of this could be your fault but it sounds like he knows your hot buttons and pushes them for a reason. That is not fair.

1St off i am sorry you are in this pickle 2nd have yall tried counseling ? maybe with you and him and try to include you family to . yall wouldn't be together if yall didn't love each other. I'm kinda going through the same thing with my hubby and my family any time he post on. fb they always negative towards him . we are working through it so maybe yall can too